


Bridging the Divide

by Crystallyne



Series: Bridging the Divide [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Consensual Sex, Drug Withdrawal, Dry Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Masturbation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Rape, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Slurs, Smut, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:21:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 79,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3589317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallyne/pseuds/Crystallyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up near Honnleath, one of Cullen's best friends is an Elven girl named Valaina.  Shortly after he is accepted into training as a Templar, he finds out Valaina has developed Magical talents, and must go to the Circle.  Years later, they are reunited in the Circle Tower.  Both now grown, they find themselves drawn to each other in ways that are strictly forbidden.  After the events of Broken Circle, they are separated again.  Ten years later they're given one more chance, when Valaina is the sole survivor of the Conclave explosion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm going to be a Templar!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen has finally achieved his greatest ambition, receiving an invitation to train with the Templars. Before departing, however, he finds himself in a position where he must decide between loyalty to one of his best friends, or upholding the duties which he is about to pledge himself to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this is rated Explicit for a very good reason. But it will be a few chapters before that rating really takes affect.
> 
> Premise: What if the Mage Cullen has a crush in the Circle Tower was never actually recruited into the Wardens? What if she remained, and survived the fall of the Circle? I took this to a deeper level by making them childhood friends, increasing the likelihood that their relationship would deepen when they are reunited as adults.
> 
> Special Thanks to Ciarasteina and DeviantRhapsode, who helped me not only proof read my work, but provide great feedback and ideas for future chapters!

"Are you okay, Val?" Mia looked down at the young elf girl, with her brow furrowed.

Valaina looked up, flushing slightly, then put on a smile and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm fine. Just thinking about stuff."

"Looked like it was some pretty serious stuff you were thinking about," replied Mia with a smile. Then she reached out to tousle the girl's dark, red-brown hair. "You know if you need to talk, I'm always willing to listen."

Valaina ducked her head a little and nodded, still smiling softly. "I know. I'm alright."

Mia's attention was distracted then by the cry of one of the small children, and went to see what was wrong. Valaina watched her quietly, as she plucked at blades of grass in front of her. It was just like Mia to pick up on her mood, but she wasn't ready to talk to anyone about what was on her mind. She wasn't sure she wanted anyone at all to know what had her concerned.

At that moment a lanky young man with curling blonde hair sat down next to her. "Hey there, Val." He gave her a lopsided smile, and she felt her stomach flutter a little.

"Oh hi, Cullen. How's it going?" She couldn't help but return his smile, pushing aside her worries for the moment.

His grin broadened, then, and he turned to gaze out over the fields, his warm brown eyes dancing. "It's going great! I just talked to the Knight Commander of the Templars. They're going to let me join!"

A little part of her heart shattered at his words, but at the same time she felt overjoyed that he had finally achieved his dream. She pushed aside her own feelings to let out a glad cry for him. "Oh Cullen, that's wonderful!"

He turned back to look at her, and she could see the joy in his eyes. "I can't believe it! It's what I've wanted for so long, and now it's finally happening!"

He leaned back in the grass, then, putting his hands behind his head and gazing up at the clouds. She could practically see the visions of the future dancing in his head, and she watched him with a small smile. 

She had always admired his determination. Everyone knew of his ambition. He spent so much time at the Chantry watching the Templars train, and even begging to be given lessons. She knew he would make a great Templar. He'd always been so kind and considerate to everyone, even the youngest kids. More than once he had also acted to protect others from being bullied. He had protected Valaina herself on several occasions, when someone decided it was okay to mistreat her because she was an Elf.

Mia came back over to join them, greeting her brother cheerily. Cullen wasted no time in telling her the good news, and Valaina watched them as Mia embraced him happily. As they fell into a deeper discussion about it, she slipped away quietly, unnoticed.

* * *

Moving some distance from the rest of the children, Valaina sat down behind a large tree, out of view from anyone else. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and rested her chin on her knees, hugging her legs tightly. She stared out over the fields, feeling forlorn and lost.

She had been close friends with the Rutherford children all her life, but especially with Mia and Cullen. In recent years, as she watched him begin developing into a young man, she had felt her feelings for him shifting. She had often found herself daydreaming about him in ways that she would never admit to anyone.

Now, he was going off to become a Templar. Deep down, she was truly happy for him, because she knew how much it meant to him. Not long ago, she would have felt much differently about it. She would have been overjoyed, even though it meant he would be leaving their village. But things had changed for her. Now she felt as though a great divide had come crashing down between them.

She had heard the Chantry's teaching on magic. She had heard about the Circles where Mages went to be trained. She knew the Templars were responsible for finding Mages and making sure they went to a Circle. She had been told this was done to protect the people, as well as Mages. Not too long ago she had thought that this was the right thing to do, that Mages could be dangerous, and the Templars made sure everyone else would be safe.

But for the first time she began wondering what really happened to those Mages, and what kind of life they would end up having. She knew they were taken away from their families and homes, and had never heard of anyone being given a choice about it. Would they ever see their families again? She was fairly certain they would never be able to return home, at least.

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she raised one hand, palm raised. She concentrated for a moment, and a small burst of flame danced above her skin. She was gaining more control over it, the more she practiced. Could she possibly keep it a secret? She reasoned that if she practiced enough, she would be able to control it and keep anyone from finding out. But how could she practice without anyone noticing? Perhaps she could find someplace far enough away where she could practice in secret, but still remain with her family?

She heard a noise behind her, and jumped, snuffing out the flame and jerking her hand down. She turned, then looked up, eyes wide. Cullen had just come around the tree, and gazed down at her with an expression she had never seen before. He looked confused and concerned.

She felt her heart drop.

* * *

It was difficult for Cullen to suppress his excitement. He had wanted to join the Templars for such a long time, it was hard to believe that it was really going to happen.

Now, as he looked around the familiar landscape and faces he knew so well, he found himself thinking about how it would feel to leave this all behind. He loved his family and his home. It would be hard to leave them. But he felt confident that he was ready for this.

As he looked around, he found himself looking for one face in particular. He had been thinking about Valaina a lot lately, and had started to notice things about her he had never seen before. He had always regarded her like a little sister. But now that idea had started to make him feel awkward. At times he had found himself watching her, without even realizing it. Noticing the way the sun highlighted the copper color of her hair. The way her dark green eyes lit up when she smiled. The shape of her slender Elven ears.

With a pang, he suddenly realized how much he would miss her. His heart was set, and he knew what he wanted. But he wouldn't be around anymore to protect her when someone tried picking on her. He wouldn't be around to grow up with her.

He thought about her response when he had told her his news. It hadn't quite been what he'd expected. She had seemed overjoyed for him, congratulating him enthusiastically. But for just a moment, he thought he had seen a look of sadness in her eyes. She had also seemed very quiet, and slipped away when he began talking to Mia.

It occurred to him, then, that perhaps she was feeling the same way he was. Would she miss him the same way he was sure he would miss her? Or was something else bothering her?

He decided he would like to talk to her, and make sure she was okay. Perhaps reassure her about his departure. Maybe even let her know how much he would miss her.

He had seen her moving towards the line of trees some distance from the rest of the group, and got up to follow her. The grass was fairly tall, and he could see signs of her recent passing, so it was fairly easy for him to pinpoint where she had gone. As he came around a large tree, he saw her sitting behind it. He was alarmed to see tears streaming down her face. Then he noticed the fire dancing in the palm of her hand. The sight of it sent a shock wave through him.

"Valaina?" He felt his throat tighten as she jerked her hand down, the fire disappearing, and she whirled around to stare up at him with horror in her eyes.

She jumped to her feet, and her cheeks burned scarlet. "Cullen! I didn't hear you! I..." She cast about wildly, apparently trying to figure out what to say, her hands wringing together anxiously.

He took a step closer to her, and felt an inexplicable sadness fall over him. "How long have you known?"

She went still and looked up at him, her cheeks wet with tears. She shook her head, apparently unable to speak. Without thinking about it, he reached out and wiped one of her tears away. "Valaina, it will be okay, I promise."

"Please, don't tell anyone!!" she blurted out.

He felt his heart lurch. He didn't like seeing her crying like this, and so upset. He wanted to embrace her, to make her fears go away. "Valaina, if you're a Mage, then you need to be trained. You need to go to a Circle. They can help you, keep you safe."

"No!" She rejected his suggestion forcefully, and pushed him away from her. "If I go to the tower, I'll never see my family again! I'll never be able to come home again! The Templars will take me away, and I..." She choked back a sob, and rubbed at her eyes. "I've been practicing on my own, I've been really careful. If I keep practicing, then I won't put anyone in danger!"

Her response caught him off guard. He had always thought highly of the Circles, as a refuge for Mages to study in peace and under the protection of Templars. Her words struck at him and threw him slightly off balance. Were Mages so totally cut off from the outside world, as she was suggesting? He realized he didn't know.

"Please, Cullen. Please, let me try on my own. Don't let them take me away, please?"

Her pleading wrenched at his heart. He felt as though he was being torn in two. He wanted desperately to reassure her, to keep her trust. But at the same time, the weight of his future pressed down on him. This was exactly the kind of situation Templars faced, and duty pushed him towards getting her where she needed to be. 

Finally, he sighed heavily. "Valaina, I don't think you'll be able to keep this secret. Someone else is going to find out, eventually. Mages need to be trained, and you can't do that on your own."

"Yes, I can!" Her words came out in a desperate cry. Before he could respond, she spun away from him and ran away blindly.

He wanted to run after her, to find some way to save her from the situation. But he felt completely helpless. 

A moment later, he heard someone running through the tall grass, and turned to see Mia looking worried. Trust Mia not to miss a thing.

"Cullen, what happened? What's going on?"

He couldn't meet her eyes. He realized he couldn't tell Mia. If Valaina hadn't told his sister what was going on, then he didn't feel right revealing her secret. He shook his head a bit. "I can't tell you, Mia. I'm sorry. She doesn't want anyone to know. I wasn't supposed to know, myself." Then he realized he almost wished he hadn't found out.

Mia put her hands on her hips and gave him a stern look. "Cullen, if something is wrong, then we need to help her!"

He looked up at her then, and shook his head. "This isn't something you can help her with. But I'll find a way to help her, okay?"

She looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

* * *

A few days later, the local Knight-Captain and one of his Lieutenants arrived to discuss Cullen's recruitment with his parents, and prepare to take him off to be trained. While his parents talked with the Templars, Cullen went out to the small garden behind his house. 

He still hadn't decided what to do about Valaina. He hated the idea of being responsible for taking her away from her family. More then that, though, was the idea of betraying her trust. He hadn't seen her much since he had discovered her secret. When he had seen her, she had quickly ducked away, avoiding him. As much as he wanted to talk to her, he had come to realize just how little he knew about Circles and Mages. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be okay, but he really didn't know for certain.

He heard someone step outside behind him, and the Lieutenant joined him in the garden. He gave Cullen a good-natured smile. "Taking a last look around?"

Cullen looked up at the man briefly, then shook his head. There was only one way to find out what he needed to know. "Sir, how are Mages treated in the Circles?"

The Templar appeared to be caught off guard by his question, but then gave it consideration for a moment. "Part of our job is to ensure their safety. We have to make sure they don't become a danger to themselves, or others. We give them the proper respect and allow them to study in peace, but we also have to keep an eye out for any dangers they might present."

That didn't seem like much of an answer, to Cullen. It sounded pretty much like what he'd heard all his life, and he had never before appreciated how one sided that point of view was. He decided to try and different tact. "Once they're taken to the Circle, do they ever get to go home again, or see their families?"

The man looked at him, clearly wondering where these questions were coming from. "Apprentices are not allowed contact outside the Circle. Once they arrive, they don't leave until they've completed their training. Even then, any time spent outside the Circle is done so with careful regulations."

Cullen's heart sank.

"Why do you ask? Are you having second thoughts about joining?"

Cullen looked up sharply, and shook his head firmly. "No! It's not that. I just..." he hesitated. "I've started wondering about what it's like for a Mage to be in a Circle. I've always thought that Circles are the best place for Mages. But I never stopped to think how they might feel about it."

The Templar nodded solemnly, and turned to face Cullen directly. "It's not an easy life for either Templar or Mage. Templars, at least, have the option of staying in contact with their families. It's no secret that many Mages feel as though the Circle is a prison. But many Mages also come to appreciate the safety the Circle offers. As Templars, we should be aware of situations as they may arise, including Mages who may become discontent and on the verge of making a desperate move."

He then folded his arms across his chest, and went on. "But look at it this way. Outside a Circle, without training, Mages are dangerous. They live as apostates, and have to live constantly hiding who they are, or on the run. There might be some who prefer a life on the run, rather than living in a Circle. But those are the ones that pose the most danger to innocents. Not just due to their lack of training, but also the risk of becoming Maleficar."

Cullen remained silent for a long time as he considered the Lieutenant's words. He tried to imagine Valaina living that kind of life, constantly hiding, or on the run. Then he imagined what would happen if she became possessed, and the very idea filled him with horror.

It was easily the hardest decision he had ever made in his life. But he knew what he had to do.

* * *

Valaina sat cross legged on the floor of her bedroom, a candlestick holder on the floor in front of her. She had been spending most of her time here, lately, quietly practicing her magic and learning to control it. Her parents had noticed how much time she spent inside, lately, and knew something was wrong. They seemed to assume she had gotten in a fight with a friend, which was sort of true. So she left it at that, and avoided further questioning.

Apparently Cullen hadn't said anything to anyone, which was a relief to her. But she couldn't face him. She saw the look in his eyes when he saw her, lately, the worry and concern. She was certain he would try again to convince her to go to the Circle.

Not for the first time, she found herself wishing none of this had happened. She wanted to be like everyone else, to be... normal. But she would never be normal again. And Cullen was about to become a Templar. The outcome was inevitable. He was about to become one of those who would be hunting her down, or one of her jail keepers.

She shook her head a bit, trying to push away the depressing thoughts. He would be leaving soon, and then she could figure out what to do.

She cautiously focused her will on the candle, trying to light the wick while keeping the burst of fire small and controlled. Releasing the magic, fire flared hot and bright, engulfing the wick. She let go of her magic quickly before it could get away from her, leaving the candle burning merrily, with the top portion melted slightly. She let out an exasperated sigh, leaning her head back for a moment. Then she blew out the candle, and prepared to try again.

Just then, she heard a knock on the front door. She only listened for a moment as she heard her Father greet the visitor, before returning her attention to the candle.

A few moments later, she heard her Father calling her. She froze, her heart seeming to stop. Then she tried to tell herself to calm down, that it was probably nothing. "Coming, Father!"

She quickly put the candle back on her bedside table, then went to the door. On entering the hallway, she turned... and froze in her tracks. A fully armored Templar stood next to her parents, gazing at her gravely.

Her Mother stepped forward, worried at the sight of the terror in her daughter's eyes. "Valaina, it isn't true, is it? He says that someone saw you using magic."

She felt as though her world had crashed down around her. Her thoughts raced, and her mouth went dry. This couldn't be happening! She numbly shook her head, and took an involuntary step backwards.

The Templar's gaze turned compassionate as he saw the fear in her. "Dear child, I know how difficult this is. I know you're scared. But the Circle--."

She didn't let him continue. She bolted back into her room and slammed the door shut. All thought fled as panic seized her every nerve. Shoving her desk up against the door, she turned and ran to the window. Pushing it open wide, she pulled herself up and swung her legs over the ledge, before dropping down to the ground outside. She took off running as hard as she could. Part of her knew she was being ridiculous, but she was crying hysterically. She was running faster than she had ever run before in her life, afraid to look back over her shoulder to see if anyone was chasing her.

She didn't know where she was going, she just ran blindly. She raced around the corner of a building, and didn't have time to react when she saw someone standing in front of her. She ran headlong into him, and cried out in surprise. They stumbled away from each other, and she looked up to see who she had run into.

It was Cullen. He looked at her in alarm. "Valaina, what--" Then he stopped, and his expression turned to compassion. "Val, the Templars just want to help you."

Realization hit her so hard, she felt as though she had been punched in the gut. She stared at him in horror, unable to believe what she was hearing. Then, every ounce of panic she had felt transformed into pure rage. "YOU TOLD THEM!!"

She saw the flash of guilt in his eyes, confirming her suspicion. She launched herself at him, hands balled into fists, punching him as hard as she could. "You told them, and now they're going to take me away and put me in a prison!!"

He tried to fend her off, pleading with her, but she was beyond reason. She couldn't hear the words coming from his lips. She was sobbing incoherently, trying to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

Suddenly, there was a burst of flame between them, and he let out a cry of pain. She stumbled back, and saw Cullen clutching at his arm. The sleeve of his shirt had burned away, leaving an angry red welt across his forearm. She gasped, as she realized what happened, and horror gripped her. She had done that. She had wanted to hurt him, but not like that!

In the next moment, she felt a tremendous force slamming down on her, and she cried out, collapsing to the ground. She felt disoriented and lost for a moment. Then she looked up and saw the two Templars stalking towards her. She realized that they had used their powers to suppress hers, preventing her from doing any further harm.

It was over. She felt completely broken. Betrayed by one of her best friends. Torn from her family. She would be taken away and never see any of her loved ones again. She began sobbing brokenly, collapsed in the dirt and unable to move.

Dimly she heard them talking to Cullen, suggesting that a healer would be able to take care of him and prevent scarring. Then she felt strong hands lifting her to her feet, urging her to calm down. She glanced up only briefly, and saw Cullen one last time. She would never forget the look in his eyes at that moment. The overwhelming compassion as he watched them hauling her away. But there was also pain in his expression, a pain that ran deeper then physical wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time posting fan fiction online, but I've always loved writing and coming up with my own story ideas. I have done my best to stick to the Lore of Thedas as much as possible, while incorporating my own little twists into this story. Some of what happens in future chapters may not line up with the actual events of the games, but I want to remain as true as possible to the original storyline.
> 
> And yeah, Valaina is an Elf. But she's not Dalish. Yes, she will eventually be an Elvish Inquisitor that did not come from a Dalish clan. Some of her background will be explained in later chapters. I just love Elves. Sue me. :p
> 
> That being said, please feel free to critique my work and provide feedback!


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been 8 years since Valaina and Cullen left home on their separate journeys. Now, Cullen is a fully trained Templar, and has been transferred to serve in the Circle Tower. Valaina is well advanced in her studies.
> 
> What happens when they finally come face to face, again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left Kudos on Chapter 1, and for the comments! I will try to update as regularly as I can, but I confess I may be slow at times. I hope you enjoy Chapter 2!

Valaina lowered her book, and pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh. She had been studying for hours and hadn't realized how late it was getting, until fatigue began setting in. Looking out the window, she could see the Moon lowering amid the sea of stars.

She found her thoughts drifting into memories, lightly touching on events of the last eight years. It had taken a long time for her to settle in and feel comfortable at the Circle tower. It never had felt quite like home to her, but she had long since let go of the anger and hurt she felt at being brought there against her will.

There were many days she still wished she had never become a Mage. This wasn't the life she would have chosen for herself, and she wondered if she would ever really find happiness. But she had come to accept the realities of her situation, and recognize the need to ensure her own safety. She had become dedicated to learning how to strictly control her abilities. Some of her tutors had been startled at times by how much she threw herself into her studies, and how quickly she grasped their lessons.

She never wanted to lose control again. She closed her eyes, and Cullen's face seemed to appear before her. The one time she had lost control, and inadvertently harmed someone she cared about. That moment had become a driving force in her studies. The expression on his face in that moment haunted her. The look of shock and pain in his eyes.

Not for the first time, she found herself wondering what had become of him. She was certain he would have completed his training by now. She had no doubt of that. She tried to imagine how he might look now, a full grown man. It was hard for her to complete that mental image.

Closing her book and setting it aside, she got to her feet and moved to the window. Unlatching it, she pushed it open, and leaned on the windowsill. The lake shimmered in the moonlight, far below, the surface rippling gently in the night breeze. She hadn't been allowed to leave the tower since her arrival. She missed running through open fields and playing in the trees. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply of the cool night air. It might not be the same as complete freedom, but the feel of the cool air on her face, and smelling the scents brought with the wind, helped to ease that longing.

Her parents had often said that she seemed to have inherited her Grandfather's wild Dalish nature. She had very few memories of her Grandparents. Sometimes she wondered if the Dalish might have taken her in and given her a better life than the Circle had to offer. But, as a child, she wouldn't have had the faintest idea where to start looking for a Dalish clan, let alone whether or not they would take her.

With a sigh, she closed the window again, and turned away. Her teachers would scold her if they knew how late she had stayed up. As it was, the Templars were likely to question her as she made her way back to the apprentice barracks.

* * *

After reporting for duty and getting instructions from Knight Commander Greagoir, Cullen strolled the halls of the Circle Tower. It was the first time he had been assigned to work within a Circle, directly, and he was looking forward to the change of pace. But even as he wandered the stone corridors, his thoughts weighed heavily.

He was certain she would be here. Apprentices were rarely transferred to other Circles. He hadn't been able to find out much about her progress, but from what little he did know it seemed she was doing very well with her studies. He hoped it was a good sign, that she had found peace here.

It had taken awhile for him to put aside the guilt he faced from the events of that day, so long ago. But he had long since learned the importance of putting distance between his personal emotions and his duty. To leave any room for doubt regarding the teachings of the Chantry and the edicts of the Templar Order could lead to a failure to uphold his duties, which would be unacceptable.

His experience with Valaina had taught him one thing that he held strong to, however. That was to take time and see things from a Mage's perspective. To try and understand their point of view. The terror in her eyes as she begged him to keep her secret, and the way she had looked completely broken when she was taken away, were enough to keep that lesson strong in his mind. But he also had the scar left on his forearm as a constant reminder.

He wondered what he could possibly say to her when they did meet again. He was certain the moment would come. The Circle Tower was quite large, but not that large. He worried what her reaction might be on seeing him again. Was she still angry? He hoped they would be able to find some way to reconcile the events of that day. But he also knew that he could never allow himself to be as close to her as they once had been.

As he entered the main library, he scanned the area. A myriad of students sat at the tables, bent over parchments and books. Some sat conversing quietly together. In one corner, a teacher stood in front of a half dozen young children, giving them one of their earliest lessons.

He moved quietly down the main walkway, passing through the library, and coming around the last set of towering shelves. He made towards the far exit, when he caught sight of a young woman in a corner. She was secluded from everyone else, intently reading the open book before her. The candle beside her picked up the copper highlights in her hair, which was caught up in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. Slender Elven ears peeked out from her loose hair.

He knew it might be difficult when he saw her again. But he hadn't expected the reaction he would feel on seeing how much she had changed, now a grown woman. He swallowed hard, and felt his cheeks flushing. Memories of her as a child came bubbling up in his mind, comparing them to the beautiful young woman he saw now. Unbidden, he found himself envisioning how her delighted smile would look, now. Did her eyes still light up when she laughed, as they once had?

Then she looked up, her brow creased as she apparently realized she was being watched. Their eyes met, and she looked puzzled. Then, her mouth opened slightly on a small gasp, and her eyes went wide. The book slipped from her fingers, and she slowly got to her feet, gazing at him in shocked surprise.

He suddenly felt completely unprepared, and his tongue felt like it was tied in knots. He had long since been trained not to let panic get the better of him, to remain strong no matter what. But in that moment he felt all that training fly out the window.

As she took a step towards him, he fled. Turning on his heal, he marched away as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself. He prayed to the Maker that his cheeks weren't burning as hotly as they felt.

* * *

After her lessons were complete for the day, Valaina headed to the library to continue her studies. She retrieved the book she had been studying most recently, and moved to a quiet corner where she could read quietly.

She wasn't sure exactly how long she had been reading when she became aware of somebody standing nearby, watching her. She looked up, and saw a Templar staring at her, his eyes wide in surprise. Her brow furrowed in confusion, and she was about to ask him what was wrong, when recognition struck her. Eyes the color of dark honey, and dark blonde hair brushed back from his forehead. He had grown a goatee, which perfectly accentuated his strong jawline. Broad shoulders gave evidence of how much he had filled out, and the arduous training he had undertaken in the last eight years.

With a gasp, she felt the book slipping from her fingers, as she slowly rose from her seat. She took a step towards him, his name hovering on her lips. Then she saw his cheeks turn red, and he suddenly turned and positively fled. She wanted to call out to him, but her voice caught in her throat, and watched him go with a sinking heart.

Then reality reasserted itself, as she heard a minor explosion in one of the nearby chambers from a misfired spell. She looked down at the book lying open on the table, staring at it without seeing the words on the pages. She hadn't been allowed to keep in touch with any of her family or friends. Just because one of them was a Templar did not mean that she would be allowed to maintain any kind of relationship with him, no matter how casual. It was one of the realities of the Circle. Mages and Templars lived side by side, but even casual friendships between them were discouraged.

She sat down heavily and sighed. There was so much she wanted to say to him, and to hear him say. In that moment she realized, more than ever, she no longer held any anger towards him. Now that she had received the training she needed, she recognized the absurdity of the notion that she might have learned to control her powers on her own. Her teachers had told her that she seemed to possess more strength than many of the other apprentices. All the more reason for her strive for control over it.

For the first time, she found herself wondering what might have happened to her had she not been taken by the Templars. She had been resentful of her confinement for so long. But it dawned on her what her life might have been like without it. Who else might she have hurt, inadvertently? Would she have been able to resist the temptations from Demons within the Fade? They had certainly tried, a few times. But her training had allowed her to remain passive in the face of their temptations, to evaluate them and their actions with a kind of clinical detachment that kept her safe.

Closing her book, she returned it to the shelf, and made her way out of the library. She needed some time alone to think. Making her way through the Apprentice level, she headed to an area with several rooms that had not been in use for quite some time. She ducked down a short hallway, and went to the last door. Touching the lock of the door with light fingers, she sent a gentle and controlled flow of magic inside the lock to jiggle the internal mechanism and unlock the door. Many of the locks in the Tower were quite old, and in one of her experiments of learning to control her power she had found a way to open the locks without damaging them.

She had found these rooms quite some time ago, and treasured the sanctuary they provided. She was fond of this room in particular, and came here often, valuing the privacy it provided. She knew the Templars and her teachers would disapprove and forbid her from coming here again, insisting that she remain where they could all keep an eye on her. So she was always cautious about coming here.

Moving to the window, she pushed it open, gazing out once again over the lake far below. She tried to clear her thoughts, closing her eyes and focusing entirely on the feel of the sunlight falling on her skin, and the gentle afternoon breeze washing over her.

As her anxieties and worries dissipated, an idea began to take shape in her mind. She considered it from all angles, coming up with a plan. It would mean exposing her secret. But this time, she decided, she was ready to let that secret go.

* * *

That night, as Cullen lay in bed trying to sleep, he found it nearly impossible to take his mind off of Valaina. He kept going over what he wanted to say to her, again and again, rehearsing the words in his head.

He still felt he had made the right decision when he had exposed her to the Templars. At least she was safe, here. But the unhappiness she had surely felt weighed heavily on him. Perhaps if he had tried harder, he might have convinced her to go to the Templars of her own free will.

Turning over onto his side, he punched his pillow, and tried to clear his thoughts. He forced himself to focus on something else, anything else. Every time he thought he had managed to clear his head, new thoughts would intrude. They were always focused on her. The look in her eyes when their eyes had met. The way the candlelight played off her hair. The curves of her body and the rise of her breasts, evident even beneath her loose fitting Mage robes.

By the time he finally dropped off to sleep, he had come to realize he might just be in serious trouble.

* * *

The next day, Cullen found it quite difficult to focus on his duties, primarily due to his lack of sleep. His tasks did, however, have the effect of taking his mind off of Valaina, which was somewhat of a relief.

That afternoon, however, the moment came when he encountered her again. She was standing on the other side of a large room, and her eyes were fixed on him. She didn't make any sign of acknowledgement, not even a wave or a nod. Her expression was somehow expectant, however, and he hesitated mid-stride as she caught his attention.

She gazed at him for a long moment, before she turned her shoulders and began walking away. She kept her eyes on his, and just before she turned completely, she gave him the faintest of smiles and tilted her head slightly in the direction she was walking, a subtle beckoning for him to follow her.

It was a mistake. He knew it was. But he needed to speak with her. He needed to get things off his chest. Things wouldn't get any easier for him until then. So he took her silent invitation, and followed. He kept some distance behind her, sensing her subtle desire to avoid drawing attention to themselves. She looked around a few times, casually looking at her surroundings, but always catching his eye in the process to be sure he was still following.

He saw her disappear down a short, unlit hallway. As he approached, he heard a faint click, and the quiet creak of old hinges. As he stepped around the corner, he saw the open door at the end of the hallway. He swallowed hard, and felt his heart thudding in his chest. But his feet carried him forward, and he entered the room, unconsciously closing the door behind him.

She stood by an open window, gazing out over the lake, her arms folded beneath her chest. She remained quiet, and his mind raced as he struggled to remember the words he had rehearsed the night before.

She was the one to speak first. "I was angry with you for a long time, you know." Her voice was calm and measured, and she didn't turn away from the window. "I hated you. I felt betrayed. Perhaps all the more because we had once been so close."

He felt his heart clench at her words. He had known she might have felt that way, but that didn't make it easier to have it confirmed.

Then she turned, and he saw her lips curved in a slight smile. "But I want you to know, that I eventually forgave you. I've wished for a long time that I could talk to you about what happened, and let you know that I was okay. I realize, now, just how naive I was to believe I could learn to control this on my own."

Relief flooded through Cullen, and left him feeling weak and almost breathless. He felt his heart lifting, and gave her his own small smile. "You don't know how much that means to me. I've always felt... Well..." He faltered, as words failed him, and he absently rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to collect his thoughts. "I don't regret what I did. But it was very hard, knowing I had betrayed your trust. I worried about you for such a long time. I can't tell you how glad I am to see that you're okay, now."

She dropped her gaze then, turning her face away slightly. "What happened that day..." She hesitated for a moment. "I felt so hurt and angry. I wanted you to feel as much pain as I felt. I couldn't think clearly, I could only lash out at you." Then she sighed and shook her head. "But I lost control, and you paid the ultimate cost for that. As much as I wanted to hurt you, I hadn't wanted that to happen. I never meant to use magic on you, and I was horrified when I realized what I'd done."

Then she looked up at him again, and he saw the regret in her eyes, along with a burning determination. "That has been the driving force behind my studies. I've made it my first priority to learn how to control my abilities completely, and to make sure something like that never happens again.

As he spoke, he looked down at his left forearm, clad in armor at the moment, and laid his right hand over the area that had been burned. Then he looked up, and smiled gently. "You know, that had a pretty big impact on me, too. I mean... The healers took care of it, and it barely left a scar. But every time I see that scar, it's a reminder that no matter how strongly I might feel about my duties as a Templar, I should always try and see things from a Mage's point of view, as well."

Her emerald green eyes widened with momentary surprise. Then she smiled again, and he saw that familiar sparkle in her gaze, the one that made his stomach flutter. "I always knew that you would make an amazing Templar."

She started to move towards him, but stopped, her smile fading. She shook her head a little, and turned back towards the window. "I know that things can never be the same between us. You have to maintain your distance. I understand. But at least now we understand each other better, and we don't have to try and avoid each other."

He watched her quietly, the breeze gently lifting the hair around her face. He sighed softly. "I'm glad you understand. I do wish things could be different, but..." He shook his head, and looked away.

They were both quiet for long moments, before she spoke again. "I think one of the hardest parts of living in the Circle is I'm never truly alone. I value my privacy now more than ever. I found these rooms quite awhile ago, and I come here frequently to clear my head. It's become my sanctuary. But I know the Templars don't like it when apprentices slip off like this."

Then she turned back to him, her expression serious. "I decided to bring you here, though, because I didn't know how else we could speak openly. I made the decision to let go of this secret, and put it in your hands. But please understand that I'm not asking you to keep my secret. I won't try and place myself between you and your duty, again. I know you will probably need to tell Knight Comander Greagoir about this. But it was worth letting go of my secret, so that we could have a chance to talk."

Cullen swallowed hard as he stared at her, taking in her words. She was certainly no longer the frightened child he remembered. She had developed a strength and resilience that showed in every line of her body, and in every word she spoke. In his eyes, it made her all the more radiant.

It was several long moments before he found his voice. His lips curved in a lop-sided smile. "Well, I don't know that it's necessary to inform Greagoir about this, just yet. At least one Templar knows where you can be found. You understand, though, that I'll have to keep an eye on you? I won't hesitate to speak with him if I see any cause for concern. But I don't see the harm in seeking a little bit of privacy, when it's so hard to find in this place."

Her smile brightened then, and she bent her knees in an obedient curtsey, with a mischievous little twinkle in her eyes. "Well, I shall do my best to make sure I don't do anything to lose your trust, then."

Once again, he felt his stomach flutter, and squirmed as he felt heat rising in his cheeks. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, looking away. "Well, I... I should get back to my duties. I'll leave you, uh... To your studies."

He turned to leave, and had opened the door when she spoke again. "Cullen? I know I shouldn't ask this, but... Have you possibly heard anything about my parents? Are they okay?"

He turned to look back at her, and saw the anxiety in her eyes. After a moment's hesitation, he finally nodded slightly. "Mia mentioned them in her last letter, in fact. They're doing quite well, and Mia's taken it upon herself to make sure they have what they need." He gave her a small, reassuring smile.

Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, and she swallowed hard. But she smiled and nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Cullen. For everything."


	3. Unwanted Attentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having resolved the tensions from her past, Valaina feels a new lease on life. She finds herself gaining new friends and responsibilities. However, it isn't long before she finds herself the unwanted focus of someone's attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another special shout out to my good friends Ciarasteina and DeviantRhapsode for their encouragement, ideas, and proof reading!

Valaina hadn't realized just how much of her past had weighed her down, until that weight had been lifted by her talk with Cullen. The guilt she had felt was gone, and she was uplifted tremendously by the knowledge that they had both learned and grown stronger from the experience, each in their own way.

Over the next few days she found herself seeing her surroundings in a new light. It was as though the guilt she had felt for so long had overshadowed her vision, and everything around her had been cast into a negative light. But now that guilt had been lifted, and she had found a new sense of peace. Though she still wasn't allowed to leave the tower, it no longer felt quite like the prison it once had.

She and Cullen didn't speak again, but somehow she always knew when he was nearby, as though she could sense his presence. Their eyes often met briefly, and a silent acknowledgement would pass between them, perhaps sharing a small smile. But she was careful to never draw attention to her relationship with him. She wasn't sure if anyone actually knew of their past history together, and the fact that they had grown up together. She didn't want to make his job more difficult, or risk his position in the Templars.

Her teachers did seem to notice that she was in better spirits. They began calling on her more often, occasionally asking her to provide a demonstration of the techniques being taught. Apparently she seemed more approachable by her peers, as well, as several had begun coming to her once in awhile to ask for her help. She was surprised to realize she enjoyed this new side of herself, and looked forward to helping the other students. She also found herself kindling new friendships, and it lifted her spirits even higher.

For the first time, she began to wonder what kind of future she might actually have as a Mage. She still had many regrets about the life she might have had, without magic. It was difficult for her to let go of some of the dreams she'd had as a child, of one day having a family of her own with a loving husband. But now she considered what kind of role she might be able to play within the Circle.

So it was that when she was asked to assist with teaching the younger students, she was happy to fill that role. It gave her a new sense of purpose, and the Senior Mages were pleased to find a willing assistant in one of their most promising Senior Apprentices.

* * *

As Cullen went about his duties, patrolling the halls of the Circle Tower, he found himself watching Valaina far more than he cared to admit. There seemed to be a new light about her that hadn't been there when he'd first arrived. At first, he told himself it was probably just his imagination, after their recent private talk. But he overheard some of the Senior Mages discussing the change in her, and realized he wasn't the only one to see the difference.

He stood as silent watcher as her fellow students began coming to her more often, asking for her advice or help. She was opening up more, and developing friendships she hadn't had before. He knew the teachers had begun calling on her to assist them, and she seemed to adapt to her new role with ease and grace.

He also began to notice the way some of her fellow Mages had started watching her. Particularly some of the men. He wasn't sure what disturbed him the most; the fact that they were watching her with a wholly undisguised look of appreciation, or the fact that it bothered him so much to see them look at her that way. He had even caught a couple of his fellow Templars watching her appreciatively. His insides burned with frustration over it, and he frequently felt the need to remove himself from the vicinity before his feelings became apparent to others.

He was beginning to wonder if he might be better off to avoid her completely, or perhaps even put in a request for a transfer. Despite his distraction, he had a job to do. He reminded himself of this, frequently. He couldn't afford to allow himself to be sidetracked, and his feelings for her were becoming dangerous in that regard.

* * *

She hadn't been aware of it at first. After awhile she began to notice some of the looks she was getting from a few men around her, and even a couple of women. It made her deeply uncomfortable, and she wasn't entirely certain why. She did her best to ignore those giving her such looks, and focused on whatever she was doing at the time.

Over time, however, she noticed one young man in particular seemed to be determined to get her attention. His name was Davick, and she didn't know a great deal about him, other than the fact that he was slightly older than she was and hadn't undergone his Harrowing yet. He had seemed more interested in slacking off than he was in his studies, and was known for occasionally giving his teachers a hard time.

The looks he had started giving her made her more than a little bit uneasy. From the comments he made around her, she got the impression he was attempting to show off and draw her attention to him. He was certainly effective in his attempts, but she was certain they weren't in the way he had been hoping for. The longer it went on, the more disgusted she felt.

One afternoon, as she and several other students sat conversing in the Library, Davick claimed the chair next to Valaina. She fought the urge to get up and leave immediately. He casually inserted himself into their conversation, completely ignoring the frowns her friends gave him.

They had been studying anatomy recently, and she was keenly interested in learning how to apply that knowledge in the art of Healing. But Davick's presence made it virtually impossible for any of them to get their work done. She had always avoided conflict whenever she could, and she felt flustered and uncertain how to deal with the situation. Some of her friends made pointed comments in an attempt to get him to leave, but he almost seemed to enjoy the fact that he was making them all uncomfortable.

Glancing up, she realized one other person had noticed the young man's activities. Cullen leaned against the wall watching the small group, and she was startled to see the look of pure venom he directed at Davick. His hands were resting on the hilt of his sword, as they often did, but at that moment they were clenched tightly. Then Cullen's gaze shifted to hers, and his expression altered to one of concern.

She silently appealed to him for help, hoping that as a Templar he might be able to step in. She wasn't sure if he could, they usually didn't involve themselves in situations like this. But after a moment, Cullen gave her a slight nod, and came over to their table.

"Is everything alright here?" His tone was firm as he looked around, but focused his attention on Davick.

Some of the other students looked mildly surprised to see a Templar stepping into the situation. But Davick looked up at Cullen with one arched brow, smirking, and didn't seem to be the least bit phased. "Why, did you see one of us using blood magic or something? I thought we were just talking."

Cullen's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Valaina felt her heart hammering in her chest. "You might think this is all some kind of joke, Davick. But unless you start taking your studies more seriously, you may find yourself facing serious consequences."

The young man gave an exaggerated look of shocked alarm, then gestured to the rest of the table. "But that's exactly what I'm doing, here, Ser." He turned the title into a sneer. "Studying hard with my peers, who happen to be among the brightest examples of apprentices this Circle has to offer."

Valaina bristled at his tone, and the way he mocked her and her companions. She seethed inwardly, and found an inner resolve she hadn't felt before, perhaps reinforced by Cullen's presence. "No, you're not. You're only here to distract us, and draw attention to yourself. You're not even in our class. Don't think I haven't noticed the way you keep trying to show off. It's disgusting. Please leave. Now."

There was a long moment of shocked silence, and Davick turned to look at her. She thought she saw a look of burning anger in his gaze, and it frightened her. But she clenched her jaw and glared at him, hiding whatever fear she might be feeling inside. Finally he shrugged and smirked derisively. "Fine, don't let me get in the way of the high and mighty Valaina and her pack of fawning cronies."

He stood abruptly and stalked away from them.

Valaina sagged back in her chair, and began to tremble violently. She brought her hands up to cover her face, trying to hide the fact that tears were welling up in the corners of her eyes. She felt one of her friends put their hand on her shoulder. "Don't listen to that bastard, Val. He has no right to talk to you that way!"

Then Cullen was on her other side, placing a strong hand on her other shoulder. She looked up at him, and her insides fluttered from the compassion in his gaze. He hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I'll speak to First Enchanter Irving and Knight Commander Greagoir about this. This isn't the first time he's created problems." He squeezed her shoulder gently, and she smiled gratefully, feeling his strength bolstering her own. Then he nodded once, and departed.

Her friends were quick to add their reassurance, and she felt immensely better after their words of encouragement turned into playful bantering. Soon they had settled back into their studies, and she was able to focus once again on their lessons.

* * *

Cullen stalked through the halls trying to hold back his anger. Part of him wanted to hunt down Davick and take out his frustrations on the infuriating young Mage. But he knew that would only make matters worse. He recognized that the only reason he felt so strongly about the entire situation was due to his feelings towards Valaina. He caught a few people glancing at him in alarm, and realized how he must look, seething with frustration.

He ducked into an alcove for a moment of privacy, drawing in several long deep breaths and clearing his head. He sent up a silent prayer to the Maker for guidance. Once he had regained his sense of decorum, he slipped out of the alcove and continued towards the First Enchanter's office.

Knocking lightly on the door, he heard Irving's answer, and stepped inside. He was somewhat grateful to see Knight Commander Greagoir there as well, as it meant he could report to them both at the same time.

"Ser, I need to report a situation that has just occurred in the Library. Apprentice Davick was causing a disruption, and I felt the need to step in and resolve the situation."

Greagoir frowned slightly. "Our job isn't to step in to settle domestic issues among the mages, Knight-Lieutenant."

Cullen felt himself flushing slightly, and cleared his throat. "Yes Knight-Commander, forgive me if I've overstepped my bounds." He shifted uncomfortably before continuing. "Davick has caused problems in the past, and perhaps I was too quick to step in. However, he was disrupting the studies of several students and I felt that it might escalate to a more serious situation if something wasn't done."

Greagoir considered him for a moment, and nodded. "Please, continue."

He took a breath to collect himself, and then reported the details of the encounter, emphasizing Davick's flippant and disrespectful attitude. "I'm worried we haven't heard the last about this," he concluded.

Irving sighed and rubbed at his brow. "Davick has never shown any inclination to take his studies seriously. However, thus far he has done little more than reject authority and avoid work. He has shown no signs of posing a real danger to himself or others."

Greagoir frowned a bit at Irving. "Perhaps, but you cannot deny that his attitude alone proves that he may pose a threat in the future. We must keep a closer watch on him and be prepared to take action if necessary."

The First Enchanter nodded solemnly. "Of course."

Then Greagoir turned back to Cullen. "Thank you for bringing this situation to our attention, Lieutenant. We must be cautious not to step in when our intervention is not necessary. But given Davick's history, I can understand your actions today."

With relief, Cullen saluted his Commander. "Yes Ser."

* * *

Retiring to his chambers that night, Cullen sagged against the door for a moment, sighing deeply. Stripping off his gauntlets, he ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn't help but berate himself for stepping into a situation when he probably should have left things alone. But he hadn't been able to bear the look in Valaina's eyes, begging him for help.

It had been hard for him to watch Davick's activities around Valaina, recently. He wasn't sure if she was aware of just how much the young man had been watching her, eyeing her in ways that set Cullen's teeth on edge. He told himself repeatedly that it wasn't because of his own feelings towards her, that it simply disturbed him to see anyone looking at another person that way.

But he couldn't fight the truth of the situation. He couldn't stand the idea of Valaina with another man. Relationships of that nature were supposedly off limits within the Circle. But no one was fool enough to truly believe that prevented men and women from meeting in dark corners to sate their desires with one another.

Cullen was glad his roommate was out for the night, on duty for a night time patrol. He began stripping off his armor, as his thoughts raced. He knew he shouldn't even entertain the notion that he could have any kind of relationship with Valaina. But he felt an unholy attraction to her that was entirely inappropriate.

He needed to find some measure of relief. Stripped down to his linen undershirt and pants, he leaned against the wall and rested his forehead against his arm. He told himself he would feel better if he allowed himself to dwell on the impossible, just for a little while. Perhaps if he let his feelings run their course, here in the privacy of his chambers, then he would be able to regain his focus and diminish the distraction that he felt.

He had already been walking around with a half erection for several hours that day, and now he allowed himself the luxury of savoring the sensation. Untying the laces of his pants, he lowered the cloth to free his shaft. He hissed with pleasure as he ran his fingertips lightly along the underside of his length, and began conjuring up mental images of Valaina.

In his mind he envisioned how she might look stripped of her robe, lying naked before him, her skin glowing in the candlelight. He imagined running his hands over her body. His hand rubbed along his shaft as he wondered how it would feel to capture her breasts in his hands, and lean in to suckle at her breasts. Would she cry out his name as he drew her nipple into his mouth?

He gripped his cock then, and began pumping slowly, his hips thrusting into his own fist. He tried to imagine it was her hands on him, gripping him with her long, delicate fingers. He groaned deeply at the idea, and a shudder ran through him as he envisioned her enfolding the head of his shaft between her full lips.

It wasn't enough. He needed more. He pounded his fist against the wall with a snarl of frustration, and gripped himself harder. Pumping his cock more vigorously, he imagined what she might look like sprawled beneath him. The Valaina in his mind twined her long, slender legs around his hips, as he sank himself into her body. He let out another deep groan of need as he struggled to imagine how it would feel to have her clenched tightly around his shaft, as he began driving himself into her. She would writhe beneath him, clinging to him, her sweet voice lifted in an urgent cry.

He worked his hand furiously over his length, gripping tightly as he felt the blood pounding through his veins. His hips surged forward, mimicking the act he wanted to perform on her body. She would cry out, urging him to complete her. Then her body would arch beneath his, her sex clenching desperately around his cock as she reached her climax.

He let out a cry when his muscles clenched, and as he desperately pumped his cock he felt himself release, his hot seed splattering obscenely on the stone wall in front of him.

Cullen continued to move his hand firmly over his shaft for long moments, before he sagged against the wall with his eyes closed, breathing hard. He felt dirty and ashamed. Pleasure and need continued to course through his body, lessened in the aftermath of his release, but still present. Slowly standing up straight, he retied the laces of his pants, and then fetched a wash cloth to clean up the mess he had made.

Then he moved to the side of his bed and sank to his knees. Bowing his head over clasped hands, he sent up an urgent prayer to the Maker. He begged for forgiveness, and began pleading for strength and guidance.


	4. Is it really so wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen struggles to stay focused on his duties, as he finds himself increasingly drawn to Valaina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta say, I was having a tough time writing this chapter! I feel like I got off track with Cullen's personality in the last chapter, and I was struggling to transition into the next scene(s). If I ever go back and rewrite that last chapter, it would still end the same way it did, but I'd probably add more to the beginning of that final scene.
> 
> I have to give another huge shout out to my friends DeviantRhapsode and Ciarasteina! (As well as Ciarasteina's husband! hahah!) Thanks to a great little brainstorming session, they really helped me break my writing block and iron out the wrinkles in my storyline. The next several chapters should come to me far easier.
> 
> Now, without any further ado, here is chapter 4! I hope you all enjoy it!

Over the course of the next few days, Cullen forced himself to focus on his duties. He took solace in his prayers, and recalled some of the techniques he had learned in his training to discipline his thoughts. He felt ashamed of himself for his recent late night activity, but felt that he'd achieved his goal by allowing himself that moment. He had become refocused, and was able to see his relationship with Valaina in a clearer light.

As he moved about the tower on his assignments, he avoided lingering in Valaina's vicinity. He could feel her watching him, and saw a puzzled look in her eyes. A few times he glanced at her and gave her a tight smile, but he didn't allow more then that. He forced himself to stay focused on other matters.

In time, he felt his guilt ease, and found relief in staying on task and upholding his duties.

Several days later, he began to notice that Valaina's expression had turned to one of concern whenever she looked his way. He avoided returning her gaze, trying to avoid allowing his feelings for her to distract him again. He realized she must have noticed the change in him, and he didn't have any way to explain himself to her, even if he could find the words to do so. He told himself it was better this way. He had a job to do, and he couldn't entertain the notion of having any kind of relationship with her.

* * *

She had come to enjoy those small, private moments when she and Cullen's eyes would meet, and they would share some small acknowledgement of each other. She knew she couldn't let it go further, but it helped her to know that he was there. Those little moments that would lift her spirits.

But then they stopped. For awhile she hardly ever saw him. Then, when she did see him, he barely seemed to recognize she was there. If their eyes met, it was as though he were looking at a stranger. There was no warmth in his smile, and it made her heart ache. She wasn't sure what might have happened, and without the ability to talk to him her imagination started running away with her.

She sighed heavily, and tried to push the thoughts out of her head. She knew he was dedicated to his work, and she kept telling herself he was probably just focused on his duties. There was no reason for her to assume something was wrong, or take it personally. Really, it was for the best, anyways. She shouldn't be entertaining any thoughts of having even a casual friendship with him.

But one thought kept nagging at the back of her mind. Cullen had stepped in to help her with Davick. Templars didn't typically help in that kind of situation. She found herself wondering if he might have gotten into trouble for his actions that day. She hadn't heard any word to suggest that might be the case, but she probably wouldn't have even if it had happened. The idea plagued her as she wondered if that was the reason for his distance.

It worried her enough that she decided she would try to talk to him. She knew the routes he would often take on his patrols, and she decided to wait for him in a secluded alcove. Very few people went that way, but there was enough noise from nearby classrooms to hopefully cover their conversation. She waited patiently, until she heard the measured steps of a Templar on patrol.

As he came close to her hiding spot, she glanced around the corner, and saw that it was indeed him. "Cullen?" She whispered his name.

He stopped in his tracks, his body tense, and he looked wary. "Valaina? What are you doing?"

She swallowed hard. "Cullen, can we talk? Please?"

He hesitated, glancing around, and after a reluctant moment he responded. "I uh... I suppose."

She stepped back into the alcove and leaned against the wall, trying to hide in case anyone passed by. He moved to stand near her, eyeing her with a puzzled, worried expression.

"Cullen, is everything okay?" Her words came out in a rush. "You didn't get in trouble, did you?"

He looked at her, bewildered. "In trouble? What do you mean?"

"I mean... Because of Davick. Because you helped, when he was being so rude. I thought, maybe..." She trailed off, and shrugged her slender shoulders.

"Oh, that! No! I mean..." He coughed uncomfortably, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Knight-Commander Greagoir had a few words with me, but no. I didn't get into any trouble over it."

"Oh..." She dropped her gaze then. "I just thought... Well..." She felt her cheeks flushing. "It seemed like you were avoiding me, and I thought maybe..."

He stared at her for a moment. "Maker, no! No, it wasn't anything you did. It was just..." It was his turn to blush, and she looked up to see him turning red. He cleared his throat, and looked anywhere but at her. "I've just been very focused on my duties, lately."

She watched him quietly for a long moment, privately thinking there must be more to it then that, judging by the blush spreading up to his ears. But finally she sighed. "I hate this. I hate not being able to talk to you, to spend time with you."

He looked back at her solemnly. "I'm sorry, Valaina. I... I don't like it either," he admitted. "But we shouldn't."

Then their eyes met, and she couldn't hide the incredible sadness she felt weighing down on her heart. "Is it really so wrong for a Mage and a Templar to be friends?"

His expression was forlorn as he gazed at her, helplessly. After a few moments, he dropped his gaze, shaking his head slightly. Then he turned, and walked away.

He apparently had no answer for her.

* * *

A week had passed since Valaina had caught him for a private chat, and Cullen did his best to discipline his thoughts and focus on his duties. Despite his best efforts, however, he regularly caught himself thinking about her and their conversation. He once again found himself looking for her, their eyes meeting regularly.

Her question kept coming back to him again and again, and he began wondering if it was really such a bad thing if they were to spend some time together, just talking. They had once been quite close, after all, even if it had been just as children. She wasn't just "another mage" to him. He knew her, and trusted her, better than most of the people in the Circle Tower, even some of his fellow Templars. If she had ever shown that she might be a threat or a danger, he would have dismissed the idea without hesitation. But then, he wouldn't have felt the same way about her, if she had. That was one of the things he appreciated about her, she was dedicated to doing the right thing as a Mage.

One afternoon he noticed her slipping away. He guessed where she might be going, and he felt the urge to join her, so they could talk. He hesitated, uncertain, before he pushed those thoughts aside and began to follow her surreptitiously. He was careful to avoid drawing attention to her or himself. Sure enough, she made for the unused classroom she had shown him shortly after his arrival.

He hesitated nearby, glancing around to make sure no one was in the area. Then he slipped quietly down the hallway and tapped lightly on the door. He heard her slight gasp, and realized he had probably startled her, so he called out quietly. "Valaina, it's me."

After a few heartbeats, the door opened. She pulled it wide, and after he stepped through, she closed the door again behind him. When she turned to look up at him, she gave him a small, warm smile. "You startled me."

He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry." Then he glanced away, clearing his throat slightly. "I uh... I've been thinking a lot about what you said the other day. If you were anyone else, it would be easier for me to answer. But you're not. You're..." He trailed off, uncertain how to continue.

She moved over to the table and lifted herself up to sit on the edge, her feet dangling. "Most of the time, Templars don't really know the Mages that they watch over. I imagine it's quite a bit easier to distance themselves without any personal history."

He nodded solemnly. "You're right." Then he sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "If it were anyone else, well..." He shrugged. "But it isn't. You know me far better than just about anyone else. And, well... Perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad thing for us to spend more time together."

She looked up at him in surprise. Then she smiled, her eyes lighting up in the way that always made his heart flutter. "Well, why not now? There's no one around."

He chuckled softly at her words, and moved over to lean against the window frame. "So how have you been, really?"

They began chatting idly, then, each talking about their recent activities. Soon, they began to reminisce about childhood memories, and even laughing about some of the antics they had gotten up to as children.

After a time, her expression sobered, and she dropped her gaze. "How is Mia doing, these days?" she asked him quietly.

He noticed her mood seemed to have shifted, and watched her curiously as he responded to her question. "Oh, she's doing quite well," he responded. "She got married about 3 years ago, and she's seems to be very happy."

She gave a small smile, without looking up. "I'm glad for her. Any kids, yet?"

He chuckled softly, remembering her last letter. "Two, a boy and a girl. She seems to talk about little else in her letters, these days."

She hesitated for a moment. "What is her husband like? Is he kind and loving to her?"

He was starting to sense a great sadness behind her words, but he couldn't understand what might be troubling her. "Yes. They love each other very much, and he takes good care of her and their children."

She glanced up at him, still smiling, but there were tears in the corners of her eyes. "I never told you this, back when we were kids. I was too embarrassed to say it openly. But I'd always wanted to some day get married and have a family of my own." Then her smile faded, a look of anguish in her eyes as her gaze dropped to the floor. "But that will never happen, now. I'll never know what it's like to be married, and have a husband of my own."

He wasn't sure what to say, and his stomach clenched at the despair in her voice. Tears began slipping down her cheeks, and she covered her face in her hands. "I'm sorry! I'm being stupid, I know. I..." She couldn't seem to speak, then, as her tears began to fall thick and fast. She sobbed behind her hands.

He didn't stop to think, he moved quickly over to her, and gathered her in his arms. "Valaina..." He didn't know what to say, and felt a powerful surge of emotion welling up inside of him. A deep need to protect her, to somehow save her from her own despair. But he felt completely helpless.

She buried her face against the smooth metal of his chest plate. He knew it couldn't be comfortable for her, but she didn't seem to mind. She clung to him, weeping openly. Tugging off his gauntlets, he put one arm round her waist, pulling her close. He stroked the back of her head with his other hand, and he let his fingers comb gently through her hair. He searched his mind, trying to decide if there was something he could say to ease her troubled heart. Eventually he decided there really wasn't anything to say, that perhaps she just needed some time to weep. So he held her close, resting his chin on top of her head, and stroked her back gently.

After awhile, her crying began to ease. He was in no hurry to let go of her, and she seemed content to remain in his embrace. Finally, she gently pushed herself away, wiping her face on her sleeves. "I'm sorry, Cullen. I guess I didn't realize how much that dream really meant to me."

"Don't be sorry. I just wish I could take away your pain, somehow."

She reached up, then, and touched his cheek. "You helped far more then you know."

He stared down at her as she caressed his cheek gently. He felt his stomach flutter at her light touch, as she lightly traced down to his jaw line. There was a curious expression on her face as she ran her fingertips over the fringe of his goatee.

On impulse, he reached up to capture her wrist. Then he turned his head and placed a tender kiss in the palm of her hand.

The gesture had come instinctively to him, and he saw her eyes widen slightly, her lips parted. He gazed down at her for long moments, and felt his heart thudding in his chest. He cleared his throat uncomfortably as he felt his all too familiar embarrassment returning. "I uh... I should probably get back to work."

She dropped her gaze then, and stepped back a little. "Of course. I've kept you from your duties long enough."

He hesitated before turning to leave. "I'm glad we had a chance to talk," he said quietly.

She looked up again, and smiled softly. "Me too."

He returned her soft smile, then picked up his gauntlets and quietly departed.

* * *

As Valaina lay in bed that night, her thoughts dwelled on her encounter with Cullen. She still felt embarrassed that she had let her emotions get the better of her. But as she looked back on it and remembered the way he had held her close, she felt her stomach flutter. No one had ever held her like that before.

So many details from that afternoon kept going through her mind. The way his hand had felt in her hair. His other hand sliding up and down her back, caressing her gently, soothing her. She felt warmth flooding through her body, and ached to feel it again.

She turned over to face the wall, and pulled her blankets up higher. She brought her hand up to gaze at her palm. She could still feel the warmth of his lips, there. It had been such a simple gesture, but it had also been surprisingly intimate.

Bringing her hand to her lips, she gently kissed the spot where his lips had been on hours earlier. She wondered what it would be like to kiss him, then flushed with embarrassment. In that moment, she wished she had more privacy. But she was surrounded by sleeping apprentices. At least she was on a top bunk, and she could somewhat hide herself against the wall.

She knew she probably shouldn't, but she allowed her thoughts to linger on Cullen. She imagined how he would look, now, without all his armor. It served to add bulk to his overall size, but it still didn't hide the fact that he was probably quite muscular underneath it all. She wished she could run her hands over his chest, and wondered what it would feel like.

She was beginning to feel a strong hunger building up inside of her. She had never felt any particularly strong sexual need before, but now it was welling up and growing in strength. The more she thought about Cullen, the stronger it got. She imagined his hands sliding over her bare skin. She had felt the strength in his hands earlier that day, even as he held her so gently.

Her body began aching with need, and she felt an urgent need to touch herself. She curled up underneath her blankets and began hitching her night gown up past her hips. Then she slid both hands under the material and reached up, sliding them over her breasts. She bit her lips as she tried to imagine how his hands would feel against her flesh. A shiver ran through her body as she squeezed her own breasts, imagining they were his hands instead. Then, in her minds eye, she saw him lean down and draw her nipple between his lips. At the same time she gently pinched her nipples, tugging on them a little, and bit back a moan.

As she fondled her own body, she was also acutely aware of the fact she wasn't alone. She tried to keep her movements minimal, desperately hoping no one would notice. She was certain everyone else was likely asleep, but she still didn't want to draw attention to herself.

She continued to fondle her breasts for long moments, fixing her imagination on Cullen as she did so. Then she slid one hand down to her lower belly, and slipped her fingers under smallclothes. She had never touched herself in this way before, but her fingertips instinctively sought for the small nub between the folds of her sex. Sliding her fingers over herself, she bit her lip as the movement sent ripples of pleasure through her body. 

She began rubbing her clit firmly, curling up even tighter on herself. She wished it was Cullen's fingers sliding over her so intimately, and squeezing that small knot of flesh between his fingers. She began rubbing herself there, harder, with more urgency. Her hips arched back and forth, and she struggled to keep her movements minimal.

In her imagination, Cullen was laying beside her, leaning over her, sliding his calloused fingers between her legs, exploring her intimately. As she continued to rub her clit urgently, she slid her other hand lower. She felt the wetness growing there, and dipped her fingers inside her tight entrance. She bit her lip harder, as she imagined it was his fingers sliding into her. She slowly began driving her fingers in and out of her body, and shuddered deeply.

It wasn't enough. Tears came to her eyes then, and she bit her lip harder. She wanted to let loose her feelings, to give voice to her needs as she thrust her fingers inside her body. Or even better, to go to Cullen and beg him to take her, to sate her hunger.

An idea came to her, then, and she paused for a moment. She slid her hand from her clit and raised it up in front of her face. She focused for a moment, and created a small spark of electricity around her fingertip. It flared and died away quickly, but she tried again, and managed to keep it steady. She hesitated, then touched her fingertip the bare skin of her forearm experimentally.

It was small enough it didn't hurt. It made her skin tingle a bit, but in a good way. Then, greatly daring, she slid her hand back down and touched that small spark against her clitoris.

She couldn't stop the gasp of surprise that escaped her. A powerful wave of pleasure washed over her at the sensation, and she fought back the urge to moan loudly. She turned her head into her pillow, trying to muffle any sound that might escape her lips. Then she touched herself again, and kept it there, vibrating through her body, focused on her throbbing clit.

It was easier, then, for her to imagine it was Cullen's hands rubbing hard at her body, his voice urging her to give herself over to the pleasure he could offer her. Then she imagined him moving over her, and pushing her thighs apart. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment as she wondered what he would look like completely nude, imagining his cock standing rigid.

Then he was lowering himself, in her mind, and pressing hard shaft against her tight entrance. The fingers she had been thrusting into her body slid out, and she paused for a moment to draw up another small spark of electricity. Then, as she imagined him driving himself into her body, she plunged her electrified fingers into her tight cunt.

Her throat clenched around the cry that escape her, and she buried her face even harder into her pillow, trying to stifle the sound. Shockwaves of pleasure coursed through her body. As she thrust her fingers frantically inside of herself, she imagined Cullen sliding his in and out, driving himself hard into her. The sensation was amplified by the magical electricity flowing through her fingers and into her body. His voice seemed to ring in her ears, calling to her, whispering her name over and over again in a husky tone.

Soon, the pleasure began to overwhelm her, and the rhythm of her fingers faltered as she struggled to keep hold of her senses. She continued to plunge her fingers into her body, increasing the flow of magic to amplify her pleasure, and clinging to the image of the man she desperately craved. She felt every muscle of her body beginning to clench, and knew she was getting close. She wondered how it would feel to have him release inside of her, crying out to her.

Then her orgasm hit, and she pressed her face hard into her pillow, muffling the cry of pleasure that escaped her. Her entire body trembled violently as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her, erasing all other senses.

Slowly, she became aware of her surroundings again. Realizing what had just happened, her cheeks burned hotly. She desperately hoped no one had heard her. She continued to tremble in the aftermath of her pleasure for long moments. Eventually she sagged into her bedding with a heavy sigh. She could smell her own sex beneath the blanket, and prayed it wasn't strong enough for anyone else to smell. But it also made her feel a little giddy.

She knew she probably shouldn't be imagining Cullen in such a fashion. But, at least for the moment, it was hard for her to resist the longing she felt for him. She curled up on herself once again. She wondered what it would be like to have him curled up against her back, one arm around her waist, pulling her against his body in a tender embrace.

She fell asleep with that image in her mind.


	5. Coming to Terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While escorting a group of Mages to join the army, Cullen gets advice from Wynne about his feelings for Valaina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously feel like I ought to be adding Ciarasteina and DeviantRhapsode as co-authors to this. LOL They've played a huge part in helping me improve the story!
> 
> Thank you, ladies!! <3
> 
> PS: I had SO much fun writing Wynne into this chapter! Poor Cullen!!

Cullen strode towards the large group of Mages and Templars gathering on the lowest level of the Circle Tower, preparing for departure. Word had come of the impending war in the south, and they needed the Mages' strength. He and several other Templars had been assigned to escort the Mages to join the rest of the convoy.

He nodded to the Knight-Captain leading the group, then moved to stand off to one side as they finalized their preparations. While he waited, he found himself wondering where Valaina might be. He wouldn't be joining the main army for the War, and would only be gone a few days. But he wished he could have a chance to say good bye before they departed.

He had thought a lot about their time alone a few days prior. The memory of how she felt in his arms, and the smell of her hair, lingered in his mind. He could still feel her warm, soft skin, as he pressed his lips to the palm of her hand.

He felt guilty for allowing his thoughts to dwell so much on her. But he was becoming acutely aware of his feelings for her, and it was getting harder for him to ignore the pull she had on his heart.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone lingering in a nearby doorway. Looking up, he found her watching him. Their was a wistful look in her eyes, and he felt a powerful longing to go to her. Then her lips curved in a gentle smile, and she lifted one hand in a small gesture of farewell.

He returned her smile, and lifted his hand to return the gesture. Then, becoming aware of the fact he was surrounded by others, he continued the motion of his hand upwards, and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. He could see a twinkle of amusement in her eyes, and he smiled wryly. Then she slipped away, out of sight.

He sighed and leaned his head back on the wall behind him for a moment. When he opened them again, he saw one of the Senior Mages, Wynne, watching him. She had a knowing smile on her lips that caused his stomach to flutter nervously, and a hot blush to creep up his cheeks.

* * *

Valaina noticed the increased activity around the Circle Tower, and it didn't take her long to find out what was happening. Word had come of a Darkspawn horde in the South, and an army was marching to war. A number of Mages had been summoned to join the battle, and they were preparing to depart with an escort of Templars.

No one seemed to be clear about whether the Templars would remain with the Mages or not, and her heart thudded painfully at the idea of Cullen joining the battle. She began seeking him out in earnest, and found he didn't seem to be in any of his usual posts. So she made her way towards where the group was gathering.

As she passed by a group of senior Templars, she couldn't help but overhear a portion of their conversation. "They already have a large number of Templars assigned to the convoy, so I don't think they'll need any of our number to add to their strengths."

Relief flooded through her on hearing those words. She stepped up to a doorway near the group and lingered there, surveying those gathered. It didn't take her long to spot Cullen standing to one side, apparently deep in thought. She felt a pang as she realized he would indeed be leaving shortly.

He looked up, then, and their eyes met. Her insides fluttered with anxiety, as she wondered how long he might be gone. She wasn't sure how far they had to travel in order to meet with the convoy. She wished they could have a private moment alone together, but knew that it was too late for that.

Her lips curved in a gentle smile, and she raised her hand in a small wave. He returned her smile, and started to lift one hand to return the gesture. But then he flushed slightly, and moved his hand to rub the back of his neck. She couldn't stop the giggle that rose up on seeing his embarrassment. His little moments of awkwardness were one of the many things she had come to love about him. He seemed to recognize her amusement, and he gave her a wry smile.

Behind her she could hear the officers moving towards the gathering, and she decided she had lingered as long as she dared. With one last look at Cullen, she slipped away.

* * *

They had been travelling for a better part of the day when Wynne sidled up beside him. He had been walking near the back of the group, and they were enough distance from others that no one would be able to hear her speaking above the noise of the group. "She is quite the beautiful young lady."

He instantly felt himself blushing furiously. "I uh... I'm not sure who you mean?"

She gave a small little chuckle then. "Oh don't worry, I'm not going to give you away."

He tried to suppress the nervous fluttering in his stomach, and not for the first time wished he didn't blush so damned easily.

"You know, it's not the first time a Mage and Templar have fallen in love. And it won't be the last. The Chantry can certainly try to keep distance between them. But when perfectly healthy adults live side by side, they are bound to make attachments to one another."

He felt all the air rushing out of him on the word "love", and wished he could run away and hide in that moment. Or wear a helmet to hide his expression. He cursed the fact that he had opted not to bring his with him. He stammered, trying to figure out what to say, and failing miserably.

She chuckled again, and nudged him with her elbow. "Oh, you are adorable. I can see why she likes you."

He choked again, and wondered if he could possibly feel more embarrassed. He was certain his entire face had turned bright red, right down to his neck. "Please don't... I..." He swallowed hard. "It really isn't appropriate for me to think about her in that way."

"And why not? Really? It's no great sin to love someone. If anything, it should be cherished."

He felt as though he were dying. He looked over at her helplessly, silently pleading with her to stop tormenting him.

She patted his cheek, with another small chuckle. "Don't worry, dear. It will all work out." Then she moved away and left him alone with his tumultuous thoughts.

* * *

It had taken far too long for him to recover from Wynne's little chat with him, and he had lingered at the back of the group until he felt more self possessed. That night, however, he had been unable to stop his thoughts from dwelling on Valaina. He felt frustrated by Wynne's blithe suggestion that it would "all work out". 

It would never work, he felt certain. If she had found out about their relationship, it was only a matter of time before others would. Or perhaps they already did. The thought chilled him. He hated having to keep his feelings for her secret. But the rules set down by the Chantry, and strict Templar guidelines, kept them worlds apart.

He turned over in his bedroll, punching his pillow out of frustration more than the need to find a comfortable position. He knew that it was the very fact that they couldn't be together that made him long for her all the more. He ached to take her into his arms and show her how he felt. He once again felt his length hardening at the thought, and gritted his teeth in frustration. He couldn't allow himself to vent his feelings, not here.

Breathing deeply, he forced his thoughts elsewhere. He began to rehearse the Chant of Light in his mind, desperate to regain some measure of self control.

It was a long night.

* * *

The next afternoon, Wynne came up beside him once again. "So, have you told her how you feel?"

He gritted his teeth in frustration for a moment, before responding. "It's not like that."

"Oh? Are you sure about that?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, praying to the Maker. "I can't allow myself to think about her in that way."

She was quiet for several minutes, then. When she spoke, her tone was serious, no longer the playful teasing that left him feeling tormented.

"I've been in the Circle of Magi most of my life. The rules imposed by the Chantry certainly are effective. But I have seen the problems they create, as well. It is my personal belief that the enforced discipline between Mages and Templars only foster misunderstanding. We would be far better off if they were allowed to communicate more freely. And yes, even allow relationships between Mages, as well as Mages and Templars."

Then she looked over at him. "I know how your superiors would react if they knew about your feelings. I also happen to know from personal experience how hard it is to hide those feelings, and keep your relationship a secret. I know it is none of my business, but I would suggest that you try to enjoy the time you have together. You never know when something might happen to separate you. You may come to regret not having taken the chance when you could."

He felt a sharp pang at her words. As a Templar, he could be reassigned to work elsewhere at any time. He realized that she was quite correct, that he would miss Valaina terribly if that were to happen.

He sighed deeply, and rubbed his forehead for a moment. "You may be right. But I don't want to hurt her, either. If anyone found out... Well, I'm afraid she would come to far greater harm then I would."

She nodded solemnly. "That may be true. But think of it this way... You are both old enough to recognize the dangers that you face. Just as you are both old enough to decide whether you want to risk those dangers. Besides, do you really think it would hurt less if you reject her completely?"

His heart ached at the truth of her words. He remained silent, uncertain how to respond.

She smiled gently then. "If you're not ready to openly admit your feelings for her, perhaps you could give her a gift, some token of your affection? Something she can keep with her to remind her that you care for her."

He looked over at her, and gave a half smile. "Thank you, Wynne. You've given me a lot to think about."

She patted his arm affectionately, then moved off again, leaving him to his own thoughts.

* * *

On meeting up with the rest of the convoy, they handed the Mages over to the care of the Templars already among the army marching south. Before parting, Wynne gave him one last understanding smile of encouragement.

They made good time on their return journey. Along the way, they passed through the Hinterlands and stopped in Redcliffe for the night. That evening, as Cullen wandered the streets near the Inn, he noticed a small shop selling jewelry. He hesitated for a moment, remember Wynne's suggestion.

Stepping inside, the shopkeeper greeted him merrily. "Welcome, Ser Templar! Please let me know if there is anything I can help you find."

Cullen nodded to the man, then began looking over the merchandise on display. He wasn't sure what might be appropriate, or what she might appreciate. He felt awkward even at the idea of getting her something as valuable as a piece of jewelry, and wasn't sure if it was really the right idea.

Then he spotted a pendant lying on a cushion inside a glass case. The longer he looked at it, the more he knew it was just the thing to express his feelings for Valaina.

* * *

The next several days went by uneventfully for Valaina. The tower was quiet in the absence of so many of the Senior Mages and Templars. Quite a few remained behind, but she thought that it probably felt that much quieter without Cullen there. After several days she found herself anxiously awaiting some sign that the Templars had returned. She didn't have the courage to ask how long they were expected to be gone.

It was late afternoon on the day they finally arrived home. She had been in the library studying, and was putting the books back on the shelf when they began drifting through on their way to the upper levels. She watched impatiently until she saw Cullen amongst the group.

His eyes sought hers out immediately, and warmth flooded through her at the look he gave her. There was an eagerness about his expression, and a look of yearning. He made the slightest gesture of his head, beckoning her to follow.

She finished putting away her books, and wasted no time in trailing after him. He separated from the group, and headed towards the abandoned classroom. She glanced around anxiously, hoping no one was watching. Then she slipped down the hallway to join him. Neither said a word as she quickly unlocked the door, and they went inside.

* * *

Cullen felt his heart racing as Valaina unlocked the door and pushed it open. He followed her quickly, and locked the door behind them.

Then he turned and pulled her into a tight embrace. She gasped in surprise, and twined her arms around him. He sighed deeply, pulling off his gauntlets, and running his fingers through her hair. "I missed you, Valaina," he whispered against her ear.

He felt a shiver run through her body at his words, and pressed his lips to her hair. He savored the feel of her in his arms, and ached to be free of his armor so that he could feel her body against his.

After long moments, she gently pushed herself away. She gazed up at him with longing and worry. "Cullen, I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be with you, but I know we shouldn't... What if someone finds out?"

He reached up to brush her hair back. "I know. I'm worried, too. I'm more worried that if someone did find out, you would face harsher punishments then I would. I don't want to hurt you." He traced his thumb over her lips. "But over the last few days I realized... I would regret it the rest of my life if I didn't take this chance."

Her eyes were wide in surprise at his words. Then her gaze softened, and she slid her hand over his cheek. "I'm willing to take that risk. I want to be with you as much as possible."

He felt the last of his resistance melting away at her words, and he pulled her close once again. Burying one hand in her hair, he tilted her head back and captured her mouth with his own. The feel of her lips against his made his heart stop. She was so warm and alive in his hands. Her mouth began moving against his, and he returned the movement. He parted his lips to tug lightly on hers, and she let out a breathy sigh of pleasure.

Remembering the other reason he had wanted to see her alone, he reluctantly pulled away from her. "I uh... I got something for you while I was in Redcliffe."

* * *

She felt as though her entire body was tingling from the intensity of his kiss. She watched silently as he fumbled for the pouch at his waist. She could see his hands trembling slightly, and his blush returning. Then he drew a gold chain from the pouch. At the end of the chain was an oval pendant, which he held out for her to see.

It was an intricately detailed rendition of Andraste, with a delicate filigree around it's circumference. Several small diamonds had been set here and there within the filigree, catching the light. Her eyes went wide at the sight of it, and she let out a breathy little "Oh!"

He was blushing furiously, now, and cleared his throat as he tried to speak. "I um... I know that you're not really a devout Andrastian, but... Well... I wanted something that symbolized my feelings for you. And I just thought... Well, when I'm not around to watch over you... To protect you..."

She reached out to lift the pendant from his trembling fingers, and felt tears slipping down her cheeks. "Oh Cullen, it's beautiful," she whispered reverently. She swallowed against the lump in her throat before she continued. "I haven't been in the Circle this long to not be affected by the Chant of Light. I may not be particularly devout, but I have come to believe in Andraste and the Maker."

Then she looked up at him, and placed her hand on his cheek tenderly. "And more than anything, I know what this means to you."

His golden eyes were glowing with warmth and affection. "Look at the back," he said quietly.

Turning it over, she saw an inscription on the back.

May the Maker  
watch over you.  
Love, C

Fresh tears flowed as she read the words, and she closed her eyes as she clasped the pendant to her chest. Then he lifted the chain up, and she released it. He slipped the necklace over her head, and it came to rest nestled between her breasts. She covered it briefly with one hand.

Then she flung herself into his embrace once again. He enfolded her in his arms, and pressed his lips to her ear. "I love you, Valaina."

His words sent a powerful wave of pleasure through her being, and she clung to him. Then his mouth sought hers once again for another hungry kiss. His hands caressed her back, sliding along her spine. She slid one of her hands around the back of his neck, and her fingers twined into his hair. She wanted to touch him, to feel the warmth of his body beneath his armor.

Apparently he felt the same, as he suddenly broke away and muttered a curse. "Help me with this, would you?"

She giggled at his frustration, and began looking for the clasps that held his armor in place. She had never stopped to consider how much work must go into wearing armor until that moment. They set the pieces in a corner, and soon he was stripping off the thick under padding that protected him from the hard metal.

He was left in a light linen tunic and pants. She couldn't resist running her hands over his chest, and he sighed deeply at the contact. She could feel the muscles of his chest rippling beneath her fingers, as he reached for her once again. This time, as he drew her into his embrace, she could feel the full contact of his body against hers. She melted against him, shivers racing through her.

He tilted her head up and once again captured her mouth. She felt the tip of his tongue against her lips, and she parted them for him. Then his tongue delved deeply, twining around her tongue, and making her entire body tremble with pleasure. The taste of him left her feeling light headed. She pressed her body firmly against his, and her breasts ached as they rubbed against the hard planes of his chest.

She felt wanton and needy, and her fingers curled into his back, clutching at his tunic. He slid his hands down her back and cupped her bottom, pulling her more firmly against him. She realized she could feel him hardening against her belly, and she let out a hungry whimper of need.

He gripped her ass tighter and pressed himself against her, groaning softly. He drank from her mouth like a man dying of thirst.

Suddenly he broke apart from her, gasping for breath. He closed his eyes, and leaned his forehead against hers. "Valaina..." His voice was husky, with a hunger she had never heard before. His hands moved to frame her waist as he fought to regain control of himself. "Valaina, I don't want to rush this. I care for you too much for that."

She was breathing hard as well, her chest heaving. She licked her lips, then nodded slightly. "Okay. You're right."

He lifted his head then, and smiled down at her tenderly. "For now, I just want to be with you. If that's alright?"

She smiled lovingly, and placed her hand on his cheek. "Of course."

He drew her towards the couch, and pulled her down with him. He guided her down to lay on top of him, and she rested her head against his chest. Then he pressed his lips against her forehead. "I've wanted to hold you for so long..."

She sighed contentedly, listening to his heart beating beneath her ear. "I love you, Cullen," she whispered softly.


	6. Harrowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come for Valaina to undergo her Harrowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took me awhile to write. Special thanks to Ciarasteina for taking the time to proof read it. I can read it a dozen times, but still miss things! I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has given Kudos, as well as all the wonderful comments! Those are the motivations that help me to keep going, chapter by chapter, and there are many more chapters to go!

For the next few weeks, Valaina felt as though she were walking on clouds wherever she went. At times it was hard for her to focus on her studies, as she found herself reflecting on the hours she had recently spent alone with Cullen. She was worried someone would notice how distracted she was. So she worked all the harder on her studies, at least when she could keep her thoughts in line.

Together they had decided it would be best to keep his gift tucked away out of sight. As much as she wished she could put it on display, Apprentices didn't usually have such adornments, and people were bound to question where she had gotten it from. She was content to wear it beneath her robes, and it's slight weight against her heart was a constant reminder of him. When they were alone together, she would draw it out from her robes. He seemed to enjoy seeing her wearing it.

They had found ways to meet in private on a regular basis. After awhile, they worked out a way of signaling each other through minute gestures which wouldn't be obvious to others, but carried a deeper meaning to them. They silently communicated in this way, to let each other know when they were free. Over time they also came up with small ways to show their affection for one another, for those times when they couldn't slip away.

When they did meet, most of their time was spent simply enjoying the simple thrill of being together. They spent long hours holding each other close as they became reacquainted, catching up on the last eight years of their time apart. They reminisced on memories from their shared childhood. They discussed their daily activities and current events.

It wasn't all simply talking, of course. They spent long hours taking solace from each other through passionate kisses and caresses. They had been getting to know each other physically, each learning what the other seemed to enjoy the most. So far they had avoided touching each other intimately. Cullen had been restrained, wanting to take things slowly. She was agreeable, glad to take the time to become more comfortable with each other.

* * *

If Cullen had found it difficult to concentrate before, it had become that much more challenging since he had begun meeting Valaina regularly. The difference now, however, was that he no longer felt the overwhelming guilt or shame that he had before. He still worried about their relationship being discovered, and of the possibility of hurting her. It was difficult having to hide his feelings for her. But every time he pulled her into his arms, his worries and concerns melted away.

Late one afternoon, he received word that Knight-Commander Greagoir wanted to speak with him. He swallowed nervously, but made his way towards his office. As he passed through the library, he saw Valaina sitting at a table with her friends, studying. She glanced up and gave a small smile. He returned the smile, and briefly touched a finger to his jaw line in a silent gesture to her. She returned the gesture, and then they both resumed what they had been doing.

Arriving at the Greagoir's office, he saluted his Knight-Commander. "You asked for me, Ser?"

The older man nodded gravely. "One of the apprentices is going to be put to the Harrowing this evening. I've decided you will be among the Templars in attendance."

Cullen nodded. "Yes ser."

Then Greagoir looked down for a moment, gathering up his documents, before speaking again. "One other thing. I'm placing you in charge of striking the killing blow, if necessary."

Cullen swallowed hard. He had been to several Harrowings, but this was the first time he had been assigned to that role. His thoughts flew to Valaina, and he tried to think if there were any other Apprentices who might be ready for their Harrowing. He sent up a desperate prayer to the Maker that it would be anyone but her.

"As you wish, Knight-Commander," he replied solemnly, fighting to suppress his emotions.

"Good. Head to the Harrowing chamber now. We will begin shortly."

* * *

Valaina was gathering up her notes and books, talking and laughing with her friends, when a Templar approached them. They all looked up, falling silent.

"Apprentice Valaina, First Enchanter Irving wishes to see you."

Her friends all turned to stare at her, and she felt herself going numb. Swallowing back her worries, she nodded. "Very well."

One of her friends offered to take her belongings back to the barracks, so she followed after the Templar, trying desperately to get her heart to stop pounding. She could only think of two reasons why she was being summoned, and neither were ideal choices. Though she knew which of the two she would prefer.

They soon arrived at the First Enchanter's office, and she stood nervously in front of him. He gave her a small reassuring smile before speaking. "Apprentice Valaina, you have been doing very well in your studies. The decision has been made that you are to undergo your Harrowing."

Her heart fluttered with a nervous tension, even as she felt a sense of relief. "I... I think I'm ready."

He stepped closer to her, and placed one hand on her shoulder. "I am unable to provide you with any details of what to expect. However, know that I have every confidence in your ability. You are one of the strongest apprentices we have had in a long time. If I have one piece of advice to give you, it is this: Do not doubt yourself. If you begin to doubt yourself, then you increase the chance of failure."

She looked up at him, trying to fight back the nervous fluttering of her stomach. "What does happen if I fail?"

"I'm afraid that is one of the details I cannot give you," he said gravely. "Come, all of the preparations have been made."

He guided her from his office, and they made their way up several flights of stairs, into areas she had never entered before. Sooner then she might have liked, they arrived at a large door with intricately detailed carvings around the edges. He pushed open the door, and they entered a large, open room. There was very little in the way of furnishings inside. At the center stood a pedestal with a bowl at the top. Judging by the blue light emanating from the bowl, she guessed that it probably contained Lyrium.

Then she noticed the Templars gathered to one side. They stood in a line, most of them with their arms crossed solemnly. But one stood slightly in front of the rest, his sword drawn with the point resting on the ground, and both hands gripping the hilt. She felt her heart stop as his golden eyes met hers. He appeared resolute and stern, bound in the duty that he had been assigned. But she knew him well enough to recognize the anguish in his eyes as their eyes met.

Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she was given her final instructions. Then she stepped forward, and reached out a trembling hand towards the bowl of Lyrium awaiting her.

* * *

As she slowly opened her eyes, it took several moments for her to orient herself and recognize where she was. The tall window nearby had been opened, and a gentle breeze moved through the room. She realized she was laying on the couch, a pillow under her head. She began to stir, and caught movement out of the corner of her eye.

Cullen moved into her field of vision and came to sit on the edge of the couch next to her hip. He had removed his armor, once again in his linen tunic and pants. He reached out and caressed her cheek, with a gentle smile.

"What happened," she murmured, blinking a bit.

"You're safe, love. You don't need to worry."

She sat up a little, rubbing her forehead. "The last thing I remember was being in the Harrowing Chamber."

He chuckled softly, then. "Don't fret about it. You passed just fine."

Her brow furrowed a little then, looking up at him confusion. "Why don't I remember it?"

Then he leaned in close to her, his hand still on her cheek, until his lips were hovering above her own. "That's perfectly normal. Please, don't worry about it. You're a full Mage now, and I couldn't be more proud of you." Then his lips were on hers, and she closed her eyes with a soft sigh of pleasure. He slid one hand across her waist and up to her rib cage, caressing, soothing her anxieties. She twined her arms around his shoulders and returned his kiss, her lips parting slightly to suckle lightly on his lips.

With a soft moan, he leaned into her more firmly, and delved one hand into the hair at the back of her neck. He gently angled her head, then slanted his mouth against hers. She gasped as he thrust his tongue between her lips, and twined it around her own tongue. She felt heat coiling in her lower belly as he shifted so that he was laying beside her, their bodies pressing together.

Even as she responded to his love making, her thoughts kept racing. She couldn't quite make sense of what happened. She remembered seeing him standing near her, grasping his sword in a way that sent fear shivering down her spine. She had turned towards the pedestal, then... It felt like no time at all had passed since she had reached for the bowl of Lyrium. She was certain she had slipped into unconsciousness. But what happened next?

Then Cullen moved his lips along her jaw line towards her ear. He nibbled on her earlobe, and her body responded with a shiver. "I want you, Valaina," he whispered huskily. "I want you to stay with me, always. Please, let me make love to you the way you deserve."

A hard shudder rippled through her at his words, and the heat within her belly flared. And yet... Something didn't seem right. Without waiting for her response, he slid his hand between her breasts, and began opening her robe. He moved his mouth to suckle on her neck, just below her ear.

She opened her eyes and gazed up at the ceiling. She couldn't clear the confusion from her mind. As she looked around the chamber, certain details seemed hazy and indistinct. Her brow furrowed as she tried to clear her vision.

Then his hand slid inside her robe, and moved to cup her breast.

She shoved him violently away from her, making him slip from the couch in shock. Trembling, she sat up, arms covering her breasts. "No... No, this isn't right..."

He looked up at her, confused. "Valaina... What is it? What's wrong?"

She stood up, then, and moved away from him as she tried to take in her bearings. "This... this isn't real. None of this is real."

Cullen sat up, and got to his feet. He started moving towards her, one hand outstretched, his confusion turning to concern. "Valaina, love, what are you talking about? Of course this is real!"

She shook her head, staring at him, and backed away. "No... This is the Fade. I'm in the Fade, right now. And you... You're not my Cullen. He's still there, waiting for me. You... you're a demon, aren't you?"

He gazed at her in shock. It took a moment for him to respond. "Why would you believe I'm a demon?"

She swallowed hard, and her hand clasped around the pendant at her breast. "You don't sound like Cullen. You have his voice, but... No. No, you're not Cullen!"

The look he gave her then was pained, and he stepped towards her, reaching out. "Please, don't say that! I'm sorry if I pushed you too far, I should have slowed down. But Valaina... You must know how much I love you. I just want to be with you! Now, and always!"

The pain in his eyes and his pleading wrenched at her heart. But she shook her head firmly. "No. NO! I won't give myself to you! I know what this is, I see it all so clearly now. This IS my test, and I will not fail!"

He made to move closer to her again, and this time she stood her ground, resolute. "Don't come any closer, demon. I am prepared to defend myself!"

Cullen shifted then, and his entire body flickered, as a dark shadow seemed to overlay his image. When he spoke, it was as though two voices were joined together. "I could give you everything you have ever dreamed of. A life of bliss with the man you love. All the children you could ever desire. You would never want for anything!"

She dropped her arms and called up flame to wreath her hands. "What you offer is slavery! I will never give myself to you, demon!"

Then the figure before her shimmered, and the image of Cullen vanished, replaced with a much darker and sinister form. The demon glared down at her. "He can never give you the happiness you desire. You will always live worlds apart, and one day he will leave you. Only I can give you the true joy that you yearn for."

"I don't care if I lose him tomorrow. I will cherish every moment we have together, and I will live in peace with the knowledge that I never allowed myself to be consumed by a monster like you!"

He snarled at her then, and the fire flamed higher around her hands as she prepared to blast him away from her. But then he stood tall, shifting away from her. "So be it. I withdraw my offer, for now. But I will be here, waiting, if you should change your mind."

Then she felt a rushing sensation, and her surroundings whirled in a cloud of smoke. 

The next moment she gasped as her real eyes flew open. She was laying on the stone floor of the Harrowing chamber, with First Enchanter Irving and Knight Commander Greagoir gazing down at her. Irving bent low and placed a hand on her brow. She felt the gentle push of magic as he searched her mind for any sign of danger.

Then he stood up again, and smiled gently. "It would seem she has passed her test."

Greagoir stood solemnly, with his arms folded, but nodded. "So it would seem. Congratulations."

Irving offered his hand to her, and she carefully got to her feet. She felt light headed and weak, but as she gazed around the room, she was certain that she was indeed back in the real world. Glancing around, she saw the real Cullen leaning on his sword, relief in every line of his body.

* * *

The moment Valaina stepped into the chamber Cullen felt his heart drop, and his knees threatened to give out on him. It took all his strength to stay silent and steadfast, and show no sign of his true emotions. He tightened his grip on the hilt of the sword and silently rehearsed the Chant of Light.

He could only watch as she received her instructions and stepped forward. She reached out her hand, and when her fingertips touched the surface of the liquid, there was a brief flash of light. She collapsed, then, unconscious. One of the other Templars caught her and eased her to the floor.

Then there was nothing to do but wait. He kept his eyes fixed on her, standing vigil. He sent up silent prayers to the Maker, pleading for her to be guided safely back to him. He couldn't bear the thought of what he would have to do, should she fail. He was confident she would make it, but fear gripped him in its cold grasp.

She lay motionless on the stone floor, save for her eyes. Though they were closed, he could see her eyes moving beneath the lids, like one experiencing a powerful dream. The movements were slight and slow at first, but as time went on they began moving rapidly. He wondered just what she might be facing within the Fade. He wished he could join her there and save her from those dangers. But even as his need to protect her gripped his heart, he knew that this was one danger she had to face alone. As a Templar, he knew the reasons behind this test, though that did not make it any easier.

After what felt like an eternity, she gasped, and her eyes flew open. Cullen's grip on his sword was so tight that it almost hurt. He watched Irving bend low to check her for any sign of possession. He tensed, trying to prepare himself to carry out his duty should it be demanded of him. Then the older man stood up again, and smiled as he informed the room at large that she had passed.

Relief flooded through his body with such force, he nearly collapsed to his knees. He struggled not to show any outward sign of his emotions, as she was guided back to her feet. When their eyes met, he could see relief in her eyes as well. They guided her from the chamber, and he slowly sheathed his sword with shaking hands.

* * *

In the wake of her Harrowing, Valaina was led through the halls of the Circle Tower. She felt weak and exhausted, and was grateful for the supportive hand on her back, guiding her. They came to the sleeping chambers reserved for the fully trained Mages, and one of the escorting Templars opened a door for her.

The room was fairly small, and contained two beds alongside other simple furnishings. "This is to be your room, now. You will be sharing it with another, once she returns from the war in the south," said Irving.

The covers of one bed had been pulled back, and she sat down gratefully. Then the Templars filed out of the room, leaving her alone with the First Enchanter. He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "You've done well, Valaina. I know you are exhausted, so I urge you to rest for now. Please come to see me in the morning, and we will discuss what happens next."

Then he quietly departed, locking the door to give her privacy before he left. Glancing around she noticed that someone had already moved her belongings to the room. She felt more tired than she ever had before in her life, and slowly stripped off her clothes. Without even bothering to pull out her night gown, she sagged back onto the bed, naked, and pulled the covers over herself.

She ached see Cullen. She wondered if he might be aware that she was here alone, and longed to have him come to her. She suspected it would be difficult for him to come and see her here, however. There was much more traffic through this area of the tower than there was around the abandoned classrooms.

She gently clasped her pendant in one hand as her eyes drifted closed. Her last coherent thought was that she wouldn't have been much company anyways, as sleep claimed her.

* * *

As much as he wanted to be with her as soon as possible, Cullen didn't dare try and go to her that night. He retired early to his own bed, and lay staring at the ceiling for a long time before sleep finally claimed him.

The next day, he saw her moving through the tower, constantly accompanied by either the First Enchanter or one of the Senior Mages. Everyone's eyes seemed to be on her, and many of them paused to offer her congratulations, for which she always smiled gratefully. Her eyes met his once or twice, and he could see the regret in her eyes, clearly longing to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her.

Resigned to waiting, he went about his regular duties, keeping himself busy. It was late afternoon before he saw her again. She was finally alone, and as their eyes met she touched her wrist to signal him. He felt his heart lift, and returned the signal. Then they both quietly made their way towards their private sanctuary, each taking different paths.

He arrived first, and wasted no time in stripping himself of his armor. As soon as she arrived, she locked the door and wordlessly helped remove the last few pieces.

Then he pulled her into a rough embrace, one arm tight around her waist, and one hand cradling the back of her head. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest, and he let out a deep sigh of relief to have her in his arms again. She laid her head in the crook of his neck, and he pressed his cheek against her hair. He tightened his arms around her, content for the moment to hold her close. She clung to him, and he could feel a fine tremble moving through her body.

Eventually, he pulled away slightly, gazing down at her as his palm cupped her cheek. "Are you alright?"

She smiled, then. "Yes, I'm alright."

He guided her over to the couch, and as he sat down he pulled her across his lap. She curled up against him, almost like a child, laying with her head on his shoulder. "Would you tell me what happened?" he asked her gently.

She closed her eyes with a soft sigh. "I thought I was back here, in this room, with you."

He felt himself tense at her words, aware of the tricks that demons could play with their victims. "With me?"

She nodded. "You were telling me it was all over, and that I had passed. But I couldn't remember what had happened. You... Well, it... Tried to convince me that it was normal not to remember."

His heart ached at her words, acutely aware of how easy it would have been to fool her. Apprentices were given no information to know what to expect, and that opened a floodgate of possibilities for demons to use against them. He let out a sigh, as his hand rubbed firmly up and down her back. "Sometimes I think we should really prepare Apprentices better, let them know what to expect. How many Mages have failed their Harrowing because a demon used a similar trick on them?"

"Oh, I hope not..." She shuddered, and curled a little tighter against him.

Pressing his lips to her hair, he spoke again. "How did you manage to escape?"

She told him, then, explaining how the demon had tried to seduce her. It was difficult for him to hear how she had been tricked, and he hated that the Demon had tried to use him to get to her. He held her tight in his arms, letting her speak without interruption. She described how she had come to realize where she actually was, how she had stood against the demon, prepared to fight. How it had then let her go, with a promise to be there should she change her mind.

He let out a heavy sigh as she finished, then tilted her chin up. He gazed deeply into her emerald eyes, and felt a sense of grief to know what she had endured. Leaning down slightly, he brushed his lips gently against hers in a tender kiss. "I can't tell you how hard it was to watch over you, like that. I don't think I have ever been so frightened in my life."

Lifting her head, she moved her lips briefly against his, in return. "It scares me to think how close I came to losing myself to the demon." She hesitated, then, before speaking again. "Cullen... What would have happened to me, if I had failed?"

A stab of anguish pierced him at her question, and he was reluctant to answer her. "We..." He swallowed hard. "The Templars on guard have orders to do everything in their power to regain control of a possessed Mage. But in the worst case scenario... One in particular is given the assignment to slay a Mage who has failed their Harrowing."

She sat up straighter then, and he could see the cold fear in her eyes. "It was you... That's why you had your sword drawn?"

His hands trembled slightly, and he reached up to push back tendrils of her dark red hair. "I was terrified. I..." He struggled to find the words to express his feelings. He was afraid she might reject him, once she knew the truth. Taking a deep breath and praying for her understanding, he continued. "I was ready to carry out my duty, if necessary. I told myself that if you failed, you would no longer be yourself, and it would be a mercy. But it felt as though I was living a nightmare."

She stared at him in shock, processing his words. But the look she gave him wasn't anger or rejection. There was pain there, but there also seemed to be sympathy in her eyes.

Shifting in his lap, she sat up, straddling his hips. Then she raised both hands to cup his cheeks. "I understand, Cullen," she said softly. "You're right. I would never want to live as an abomination. If there were no other way to save me... I..." She swallowed hard, then, unable to say the words.

Relief swept through him like a tidal wave. He threaded his fingers through her hair and pulled her down, kissing her hard. Both her hands pressed on his chest as she returned the kiss. His lips parted, grazing over hers hungrily, begging her to open for him. She did, and their tongues met, twining together with an urgent need.

Her slender body trembled against his, and he trailed his fingertips along the delicate line of her ears. He could feel himself getting harder by the moment, an urgent need coiling deep in his belly. He felt an overwhelming desire to feel her body against his aching shaft. Sliding his hands down her back, he gripped her hips firmly, and pulled her hard against his hips. He could feel the shudder rippling through her as she became aware of his growing erection. He groaned at the feel of her sliding intimately against him.

He began rocking his hips beneath hers, reveling in the feel of her rubbing against him. She responded, matching his movements with the arching of her hips. Then she began to hitch up the hem of her robes, pulling them up past her thighs, so that the only barrier left was the thin cloth of her smalls. He groaned as she pulled the thick cloth away, and he felt her heat arching against him. He realized she was growing wet with her arousal, and the sensation made him feel light headed as his cock throbbed in response.

His sense of propriety kicked in at that moment, and he pulled his mouth away from hers, gasping. He closed his eyes and rocked his head back, fighting against the desperate need thundering through his veins. "Valaina..." he choked out her name. "We... We shouldn't... It's too... Too much risk..."

She responded by pushing herself even harder against him, whimpering with need. She shifted slightly, and the thin cloth of her smalls slipped between the folds of her sex. Then she was parted around him, enfolding the ridge of his shaft as she slid herself up and down his length. He let out a cry of pleasure, shuddering deeply.

He opened his eyes to gaze up at her, struggling against his desires. Her eyes were dilated with need, and she was breathing hard as she writhed against him. "Cullen... Please... I want you! I want this!"

He groaned at her words, and the last of his resistance melted away. Pulling her close, he shifted and guided her down to lay back on the couch. Moving over her, he grasped her hip and pulled one of her legs up. Then he began grinding himself against her. The friction of the cloth separating their bodies added to their combined pleasure. He desperately wanted to drive himself into her body, but his fear of the potential consequences of that act held him back.

As he continued to thrust himself against her, he slid one hand up to cup her breast through her robe, and grazed his thumb over the crest. He could feel the hardening nub beneath the cloth. Her hands came up, then, and she began opening her robe. He watched, mesmerized, as she pulled the cloth apart, baring herself for him. Her breasts were rounded and full, without being overly large for her frame. With one trembling hand, he slid his hand over her bare flesh. Her nipples were a dusky rose color, standing out starkly against her pale skin, the tender nubs rigid with pleasure. And laying there between her heaving breasts was the golden symbol of Andraste.

Seeing the holy symbol there against her bare flesh, as he surged his hips into hers, made him feel as though their actions were unholy. And yet it sent a thrill through his entire body, knowing that she belonged to him, that she had given herself to him.

Bending low, he drew one puckered nipple between his lips and suckled firmly. She cried out, her back arching, and her hands clutched at his back, seizing hold of his linen tunic. He rolled his tongue around her nipple, savoring the taste of her. She was whimpering his name over and over again. He let his teeth graze over the tender flesh, and she bucked wildly beneath him.

His cock felt rigid as stone as he drove himself against her again and again. Her wetness had soaked through not only her smalls, but the cloth covering his shaft as well. He arched his hips against her, imagining how it would feel to actually drive into her body.

Lifting his head, he groaned deeply, and gazed down at her. His heart swelled with adoration as he watched her writhing beneath him, her head tossing from side to side. Her dark copper hair was spread around her face like a halo, her Elven ears peeking out from under curled tresses. He leaned in low, and whispered huskily into one ear. "Come for me, my love."

He felt her stiffen at his words, her back arching. She had both legs twined around his hips now, and she arched her own hips towards him, desperately increasing the friction that was driving them both mad with need. He continued driving himself into her, his cock throbbing as it slid between her wet folds, so close to driving into her tight entrance, yet so far away.

Then she cried out one more time, and her hips bucked wildly against his as a powerful orgasm swept through her body. The sight of her releasing against him, losing herself entirely to their shared passion, was enough to send him over the edge. He let out a deep growl of pleasure as his body clenched, and he felt hot seed pumping out of his cock as he ground himself hard against her. Intense pleasure swept through him, and he felt his rhythm faltering as all coherent thought scattered from his mind.

It felt like a long time before he slowly began to come back to his senses. He continued to thrust into her, his movements slowing, as they came down from their shared release. Resting his elbows on either side of her, he sagged with his head on her chest. They were both breathing hard, and she clung to him, her fingers fisted in his tunic. Savoring the afterglow of sated pleasure, he lazily drew one of her nipples between his lips, suckling gently. She let out a deep sigh of pleasure, humming as she moved one hand to slide her fingers through his hair.

Finally he released her breast and shifted onto his side, drawing her close. She snuggled against him, her bare breasts rubbing against the linen covering his chest. "My Valaina..." he whispered softly. He wanted nothing more than to lie there with her in his arms for as long as possible. She sighed contentedly, and nuzzled against his chest.

It was a long time before either of them felt like moving. Finally, she shifted to gaze up at him, moving her hand to cup his cheek lovingly, her thumb sliding over the hair on his chin. "Cullen, is there a reason you didn't take me completely?"

He flushed then, and ducked his head, embarrassed. "I... I assumed you're a virgin, and well..." He swallowed hard, averting his gaze. "I've never been with anyone like this, before. I don't want to hurt you. And there are other risks..."

Her fingers moved to his chin and forced him to turned back and meet her gaze. "Oh my dear, Cullen. You're right, I am a virgin. But I would love nothing more than to have you be the one to change that. The pain will only be brief, I'm certain. As for the other matter..." 

She sat up then, leaning over him, and there was a look of sadness in her eyes. "I would love nothing more than to carry your child. But I know that is one thing we can't have. I have ways to keep that from happening, so you needn't worry about it."

For a moment, he imagined how she would look, carrying his child. His heart ached for it, and he swallowed back a lump in his throat. He leaned up and pressed his lips to hers tenderly in a lingering kiss. "In that case... I do want you. But... not just yet." He resumed kissing her gently, and he felt her smile as she returned the kiss.

He shifted slightly, and then grimaced, as he became aware of the wet stickiness in his pants. He felt himself blushing then, sitting up a bit more. "I um... think I'm going to need to go clean up."

She glanced down, then, and seeing the mess they had made, she giggled wickedly. That made him blush even harder, and she pressed her lips to the tip of his nose, teasingly. "Have I ever told you how adorable you are when you blush?"

That just made him blush even harder.


	7. Threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaina and Cullen find their relationship under threat when Davick corners her and makes his demands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, it feels like it took me ages to write this chapter! Hopefully it was worth the wait!
> 
> Please note that I've added a few new tags for this chapter: Slurs, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Consensual Sex
> 
> Once again, special thanks to DeviantRhapsode and Ciarasteina for their wonderful feedback and suggestions!

As Cullen went about his duties the next day, he found himself enduring something he had not expected from his activities with Valaina the evening before. He felt a thrill of pleasure every time he thought of their shared release. However, he also had to endure the chafing pain in his groin. As much as he had enjoyed it, he privately vowed never to do it again. He tried not to think too much about what might happen next time they made love, or else his ability to focus would scatter to the winds.

He did his best to hide his discomfort as he went about his duties. He had been assigned to patrol that morning, much to his chagrin. He would have preferred to stand guard somewhere, so that he wouldn't have to move around. He set a slow pace for himself as he strolled the halls, grateful that he wasn't required to set a certain pace.

As he entered the main library, he saw Valaina seated in a corner with an open book. She seemed agitated and it appeared she wasn't even reading the book in her hands. As she looked up and caught sight of him, she appeared relieved. He was surprised when she signaled to him that she'd like to meet with him. They usually didn't meet until much later in the day, when they were less likely to be missed. He hesitated for a moment before returning the gesture.

Once they were in private, she turned immediately to him, with a concerned look. "Are you alright?"

He looked at her in confusion, then flushed slightly. "Why would you... Yes, yes I'm quite alright."

She gave him a knowing look then, and he flushed deeper. "When I woke up this morning, I was rather... uncomfortable," she told him as she stepped closer. "I was able to relieve my own pain, but I would imagine that you're probably dealing with a similar... discomfort."

He was blushing, then, and shifted awkwardly. "I uh... No, I'm okay. Really."

She arched one brow at him, smirking slightly, and reached up place both hands on his cheeks. "Do you know you're an awful liar?"

He looked down at her helplessly. Then she was pushing him backwards, gently but firmly. He stumbled back until he was leaning against the heavy table in the center of the room. "What are you..." He swallowed hard as her slender hands moved to his waist, and began loosening his armor.

His shaft throbbed then, even as it ached, as he realized what she intended. He choked a little, and moved to push her hands away. "Valaina! I'm okay, really!"

"Nonsense! I don't want you walking around all day in pain, when I can help. Who else are you going to go to for relief, hmm?"

He could already feel himself blushing furiously as her words conjured up images of him attempting to go to someone else for healing to ease his discomfort. Then he gasped as she slid one hand not only under his armor, but under his linen breeches, sliding along the bare skin of his lower abdomen.

Her fingers delicately touched his shaft, which jumped in response to her touch. He bit back a groan and clenched his eyes shut. Then, in the next moment, he gasped as he felt her magic enveloping the effected area, soothing away the pain. She slid her hand gently down his length as she worked. He could feel his arousal building under the combined affect of her touch as well as her magic.

Soon the pain had vanished, but her fingertips lingered for long moments, caressing him. She looked up at him, smirking slightly, before drawing her hand away. He felt a surge of disappointment as she began fastening his armor again. He looked down at her, and swallowed hard. "Th-thank you."

"You are quite welcome." She leaned up and brushed her lips briefly against his.

A thought occurred to him, then, and he frowned slightly. "Healers don't usually need to come in direct contact with their patients."

She grinned, then, with a wicked little gleam in her eyes. "No. But it was more fun that way."

He groaned, and pulled her into his arms. Tilting her head up, he kissed her deeply. She eagerly returned his kiss, and he spent long minutes savoring the taste of her in his mouth.

Then he pulled away, breathing hard. "I can't... I have to go. I'll be missed if I stay much longer."

She nodded. "Me too. Perhaps we can continue this later?" She winked playfully at him, and then turned to leave.

* * *

A messenger arrived late that afternoon carrying word that the battle against the Darkspawn at Ostagar had been little more than a slaughter. They didn't know yet how many of their own Mages had been lost, let alone the total number of soldiers killed.

Among the information that they received, two details stood out as the most alarming. Every last one of the Wardens had apparently been killed in the battle. If that hadn't been bad enough, they also learned that King Cailan was dead.

With the messenger came a flurry of rumors surrounding the events. Word was spreading like wildfire that Teyrn Loghain had sounded a retreat, leaving half the army to face the Darkspawn alone. Some of the rumors suggested that Loghain had realized they didn't stand a chance of survival, and saved his people from the slaughter. Others denounced Loghain's actions as those of a traitor, abandoning his King to die.

Anxiety was high in the air as the inhabitants of the Circle Tower awaited more word.

* * *

Several days later, the Mages returned. They had lost a large portion of their numbers, and those who survived were still recovering from injuries. Valaina volunteered to assist with aiding the wounded, putting her studies to practical use for the first time.

She and Cullen were both kept busy for the next several days, and didn't have the chance to spend time together. She contented herself with their shared glances and silent communications. She could tell he missed her as much as she missed him, but they both had urgent duties to attend to.

She tried not to think too much on the immediate future of Ferelden. With the defeat at Ostagar, the Darkspawn would spread across the lands. They were surely facing a Blight, and there were no Wardens left in Ferelden to put a stop to it.

As if all of that hadn't been enough, she began hearing dark rumors going about the Circle, of Mages dabbling in Blood Magic. She found it hard to believe that anyone would be so foolish, especially with all of the other dreadful news they had to cope with.

She did her best to stay focused on aiding the injured, and doing whatever else was asked of her. But it was hard for not to yearn to be alone with Cullen for a few hours and find solace in his comforting embrace.

* * *

She finally had some time to herself. It was late afternoon, and she was more than ready to relax for a few hours. She passed through the halls of the Tower, apparently on an idle stroll, but keeping her eyes open for Cullen. She finally found him, and saw that he apparently wasn't engaged in any pressing business either. Catching his eye, she signaled to him. She could see the relief in his eyes as he quickly returned the signal.

Turning, she made her way back the way she had come, eager with the anticipation of being alone with Cullen for the first time in over a week. As she moved through one of the halls near her goal, she passed one of the curtained off alcoves that was set aside for private study groups. Without warning, she felt someone seize her wrist and yank her past the curtain.

Before she had time to react, she felt someone's hand covering her mouth, as she was pulled against their body. Then his lips were near her ear as he hissed at her. "Don't make a sound, Valaina, unless you want me to reveal you and your lover."

She froze, as terror washed over her. She knew his voice. It was Davick.

He chuckled throatily as he held her tight against his body. "Oh, you have been a wicked girl. I've been watching you for so long. I'm surprised more people haven't noticed your secret little rendezvous."

She felt frozen as his words sank in, and she began to tremble violently. She couldn't speak, even if he didn't have his hand clasped tight over her mouth.

"Now then, I'm going to remove my hand from your mouth, and we're going to have a nice little chat." He did so, and then spun her around, shoving her against the wall and pinning her there. "Oh the sweet, angelic Valaina who can do no wrong. I wonder what the Senior Mages would say if they knew the truth? That their prize pupil has been sneaking off with a Templar. Just how many times has he fucked you by now, I wonder? If I hadn't known otherwise, I never would have suspected he was capable of participating in such an act. He's just the epitome of what a Templar should be."

She felt tears coming to her eyes as he taunted her, his grey eyes boring into hers. She swallowed hard, before she managed to speak. "What do you want, Davick?"

He sneered, then, and pushed himself closer to her, his body pressing intimately against hers. "You. You're going to let me fuck you, too. You won't tell your precious Cullen, either. You will give yourself to me whenever I wish. If you don't, then I'll go straight to Irving and Greagoir and tell them all about your extracurricular activities."

He was rocking his hips against her then, and she could feel his erection growing against her belly. She struggled, then, trying to push him away as revulsion rose up like bile in her throat. "NO!!"

Then his hand was at her throat, and she gasped, clawing at his wrist. He moved so his lips were hovering above her own, and she tried desperately to turn her head away. "Think about this very carefully, my little slut. If you don't give me what I want, then everyone is going to know about you and your precious boyfriend. What do you think will happen then, hmm? Whatever they do I'm certain you will never see him again."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she struggled against him, fear vibrating through every nerve in her body. He had started thrusting his hips against her, driving his hardened cock against her lower belly. Frantic desperation finally won over the self control she had built up over the years, and her magic flared between them in a burst of fire. He stumbled back, crying out, and doubled over. Then he lifted his head, snarling at her. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Before he could say anything further, she fled.

* * *

Cullen had completely removed his armor and was just beginning to wonder if something had delayed Valaina, when the door burst open. She spun into the room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her. When she turned back and ran to him, he was startled to see she was weeping openly.

"Valaina?! What's wrong!" He automatically enfolded her in his arms, his heart hammering as he wondered what could have put her in such a state.

Her shoulders shook as she wept, and when she tried to speak she merely choked on the words. He tightened his arms around her, rocking her gently, making gentle reassuring sounds as he tried to calm her down. His mind was racing as he tried to think of what could have possibly happened in the brief time since he had last seen her.

She was still sobbing when she managed to speak. "Davick... It was Davick! He... He knows!" Her words came out broken as she struggled to tell him. "He made threats... He... He demanded that I... I... That I give myself to him! Whenever he wanted... And not tell you!" Then she began crying harder, clinging to him desperately.

He felt a chill go through him at her words. Part of him wanted to go storming after the bastard and cut him down. He had never felt such rage towards another person in his life. It boiled inside of him like a furnace.

But Valaina needed him, more. He held her tight against him, closing his eyes as he drew in deep breaths to calm his anger. It wouldn't do him any good to go after Davick, anyways. It would be seen as an unprovoked attack, and their secret would likely come out, after all.

He hadn't realized just how much he cherished the woman trembling in his arms, until that moment. Realizing that they could soon be separated filled him with heartache as he had never felt before. With his heart in his throat, Cullen lifted one hand to her chin, and pulled her head up to meet his gaze. "Listen to me, Valaina. I won't let anyone hurt you. No matter what happens, I will protect you. I will take the blame, myself."

"No! Cullen, no, I can't let you do that!" Her expression was anguished, and he gently brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"Yes, I can. I'll tell them I seduced you. I'll tell them whatever I need to so that you won't be punished."

She shook her head violently. "Cullen, please, let's just... Let's get away from here! You and me... Please, I can't bear to lose you!"

Her desperate pleading sent a sharp pang through him. Part of him felt tempted to do exactly as she suggested. "Val, love... Since Jowan's escape, they've tightened security. Besides, they would just track you down. They have your phylactery. Since you passed your Harrowing, it's been sent to the Circle of Magi. We have no way of getting to it, they would just track you down again."

As the painful truth of his words sank in, she slumped against him, weeping like a broken child. He gathered her up in his arms and moved over to the couch, pulling her into his lap as he sat down. She curled up against him, and he slid one hand slowly up and down her back, pressing his cheek against the crown of her head. He felt tears coming to his own eyes, and he fought them back, anxious to stay strong for her.

After awhile her tears began to lessen somewhat, and he spoke gently. "We knew that a time would come when we would be separated, in one way or another. Someone was bound to find out. At least one other person knows already, that I'm aware of."

She lifted her head then, staring at him. "Who?"

He smiled gently. "Wynne. She talked to me about it as we traveled south to meet with the convoy."

She looked dumbstruck at his words. "Wynne? She... How did she find out?"

"She saw the way we looked at each other when I was getting ready to leave." He gently ran his thumb over her cheeks, once again brushing away the tears. "It surprised me, too. Shocked me, actually. But she told me she wouldn't tell anyone. She said she'd been in her own relationship, once, and understood how difficult it was to hide."

Valaina seemed, for the moment, to be distracted from their current situation. "I never would have guessed..."

He chuckled softly. Then his expression became serious. He gently traced his fingertip along the length of her ear, sending a slight shiver through her. "Valaina... I'm not sure there's anything we can do to stop Davick without giving ourselves away. If I'm about to lose you, anyways..." He swallowed hard then, fighting back the pain. "Please, let's just... Let's just enjoy the time we have left together?"

* * *

Valaina could see the urgent hunger in his eyes, and she felt heat coiling in her belly. She tried to push back her fears of what may happen next, choosing instead to focus on the moment. She sat up straighter, and moved one hand to cup his cheek. Leaning in close, she whispered softly against his lips, "Yes, please..."

With a soft groan, he tangled one hand in her hair, and claimed her mouth in a hungry kiss. She parted her lips for him, and shivered as he thrust his tongue deeply to twine with her own. She curled her tongue around his in response, and moaned softly at the taste of him. She moved to straddle his thighs, her robe hitching up to her knees in the process. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders, and then she moved one hand upwards to delve into his blonde hair.

His hands slid down her sides, and hitched her robe up higher. Then his palms glided up the outside of her bare thighs. When he reached her ass, he gripped firmly and pulled her tight against his groin. She shuddered deeply as she felt his already hardening shaft pressing against her intimately. They began rocking against each other slowly, and she could feel herself growing wetter with every gentle thrust.

Then he moved his hands to the front of her robe, and fumbled to undo the fastenings. He kept his mouth locked onto hers, both of them breathing hard through their nostrils, both reluctant to pull away from their passionate kiss. As he managed to undo the clasps, he began pushing the fabric aside, his hands grazing over her naked breasts. Her nipples immediately went taut, tightening into hard little knots.

She wriggled to pull her arms out of her robe, leaving it pooled around her waist. He slid one hand under her left breast, and brushed his thumb over her aching nipple. She whimpered against his mouth, and arched her body towards him. He moved his other hand to her right breast, and then began rolling both nipples between the thumb and forefinger of both hands. She cried out, the sensation causing her to break from his kiss as her back arched. It felt as though he was tugging on something deep within her, kindling the growing flames of her need.

Then he leaned forward with a hungry noise, and closed his mouth around her right nipple. She gasped, shuddering deeply, as he began suckling firmly on her aching flesh. She clung to him once again, one hand tangled in his hair, the other clutching against his back, fisting into his tunic. She could feel his facial hair scratching against her tender skin, and it amplified the incredible sensation of his mouth feeding on her breast. His tongue dragged over her rigid nipple repeatedly, and she felt as though she could easily reach orgasm from that sensation alone.

He released her breast with a moan, and the cool air against her wet nipple sent another jolt of pleasure into her abdomen. Then he moved to her other breast, and began suckling hard once again. She whimpered, and her sex began to throb with an urgent need for more. As he let his teeth graze over her nipple, she drove her hips hard against his, shuddering with pleasure.

She felt a sense of desperation seizing her, remembering that this might very well be their last chance to be together. She slid her hands down between them, and quickly untied the drawstring at the front of his pants. Shifting her hips back, she pulled the material away far enough for her to slide her fingers around his shaft. It was his turn to arch his back, releasing her breast as his head flew back with a cry of pleasure.

Now with a clear view, she dropped her gaze to his groin. She shuddered deeply as, for the first time, she took in the sight of his throbbing erection. His shaft seemed far too long and thick for her slender frame and she trembled, wondering how it was going to feel to take him inside of her. She felt a flutter of panic, but it was overwhelmed by a hungry yearning to have him fill her so completely.

She could feel him pulsing against her palm as she explored his length, trailing her fingertips along the ridge that ran along the underside of his shaft. Liquid had begun seeping out at the tip, and she bit her lip as she touched a curious finger to it. He hissed at her touch, and she looked up to see him watching her with a hunger she had never seen in his eyes before. Drawing up a bead of the liquid onto her fingertip, she lifted it to her mouth and suckled. He watched, his eyes wide, seemingly mesmerized by the sight of her savoring the taste of his precum.

"Valaina..." He groaned deeply, his hands moving to grip her hips once again. He slid his hands up, and his fingertips curled, pulling her smalls down to bare her ass. Then he moved to grasp both cheeks, squeezing with his strong, calloused hands. She let him pull her forward once again, shivering as he pressed hard against her still cloth covered sex. Leaning forward, she pressed her mouth to his, sharing the taste of his seed on her tongue.

Suddenly, he pushed her off his lap, guiding her to stand in front of him. Confused, she wobbled slightly, and clung to his shoulders for support. Then he pulled her robes down her hips, followed quickly by her smalls. She shuddered deeply, now standing before him entirely nude, save the golden pendant lying between her breasts. Her thick, coppery hair fell midway down her back in loose curls.

He paused, then, his golden brown eyes drinking in the sight of her. "I am never going to forget this moment," he said, his voice husky with need.

She swallowed hard, feeling tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, and trailed her fingers down his cheeks. "I love you, Cullen," she whispered softly. "I will always love you."

He swallowed hard, his hands moving to her slender waist. "I love you, too," he responded, his voice thick. Then, with a groan, he pulled her back down, and guided her onto her back. He paused to pull off his tunic and rid himself of his breeches. She drank in the sight of him, noting small scars here and there that seemed to accentuate the muscled lines of his torso.

He moved over her, shifting to one side and resting on his elbow. With his free hand, he reached up to touch her swollen lips gently. She parted her lips slightly as she kissed his fingertips in response. Then he moved to touch the tip of her ear, making her shiver slightly, before drawing his fingertips down to her earlobe. As he shifted his hand lower to caress the outer curve of her breast, she felt as though he were trying to memorize every line of her body, storing up the memories for the future.

She watched him intently, drinking in the sight of him as well. His normally well groomed blonde hair was tousled, the curls more evident in their disarrangement. His eyes in that moment were dark, pupils dilated, leaving a ring of molten gold around the edges. His trimmed goatee accentuated the lines of his strong jaw. The muscles of his torso shifted as he slid his hand lower down her body.

Then he was sliding his fingertips down her lower abdomen, and gently parted the moist folds of her sex. She gasped, shivering hard, as he began to explore her intimately. His fingertips grazed over her clitoris, and she cried out, back arching slightly. Seeing her response to his touch, he spent long moments flickering the tips of his fingers over the tense bundle of nerves. She writhed beneath him, and though she now had her eyes closed as she gasped for breath, she could feel him watching her intently.

He kept his thumb against her clit, rubbing firmly, as he moved his hands lower until he found her tight entrance. He let out a soft moan as he felt just how wet she was for him. As he dipped one finger into her body, she whined hungrily, her hips arching forwards. "Cullen... Cullen, please!"

His finger began dipping in and out of her, thrusting deeply with each penetration. He groaned then, slipping a second finger inside of her. "You're so tight, Valaina..."

She was trembling violently as she arched against his hand. "I can't bear it, I need you inside of me!" she pleaded with him, tears coming to her eyes.

He removed his hand, then, and her entire body trembled at the loss of his touch. She opened her eyes to gaze up at him, silently begging him. Shifting his weight over her, he gently pushed her thighs further apart. As he positioned himself between her legs, she felt overwhelmed by the presence of him. She wasn't that much shorter than he in height, but his frame was well muscled, shoulders broad, compared to her own slender frame.

Then she felt the head of his cock sliding between her wet folds. She gasped at the sensation of him sliding over her throbbing clitoris. He guided himself lower, until the head of his shaft slipped into her tight entrance. He groaned deeply, his entire body shuddering. He held himself there, not moving, as he looked up. There was an urgent hunger in his eyes, but also deep concern. "Are... Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you..."

It took a moment for her to find her voice. "I'm ready, love. Please... I'm aching to have you inside me!"

He dropped his head with a moan, and his forehead rested against her breast, beside her pendant. Then he eased himself into her slowly. She whimpered as she felt his hard heat spreading her open, her rippling cunt stretching around him, resisting the intrusion as much as welcoming him. The sensation was almost painful, but at the same time intensely pleasurable. Her entire body shuddered, desperate to have all of him inside of her.

He paused, then, breathing hard. He pulled back slightly, then pushed forward again. A moment later, she felt a sharp pain as he tore through her maidenhead. She cried out, clutching at him, and he froze. He lifted his head and gazed down at her anxiously. But the pain only lasted a few moments before her urgent need took over. She looked up at him, touching his cheeks lovingly. Then she arched her hips against his, pushing him deeper into her body.

Seeming to take that as permission to continue, he thrust his hips slowly forward, sinking into her as far as he could. The sensation was beyond anything she could have imagined. He held himself there for several long moments, and she was certain he was reveling in the moment of their first joining as much as she was.

Then he began to move, pulling himself from her depths, leaving her feeling achingly empty, before he slowly thrust his hips forward again, filling her. Soon he was sliding in and out of her in a steady rhythm, and with every thrust she felt as though he was sinking deeper into her body.

He seemed to gain more confidence with each passing moment, and his rhythm increased in speed. They were both trembling as they clung to each other. She began arching her hips, allowing him deeper penetration. Finally, he was able to drive his entire length into her body, and he let out a feral growl of pleasure.

She moved her hands to clutch at his lower back, silently urging him on. His speed increased until the sound of their bodies coming together filled the room. With every thrust, she felt as though she could feel him deep in her belly, stretching her open further to accommodate his rigid cock. She writhed with pleasure, her fingernails scrabbling against his back as she clung to him desperately.

Soon she felt her muscles tensing, and she let out a keening sound as she approached her climax. He was driving himself almost violently into her body, then, groaning loudly. Her vision clouded and her back arched beneath him, feeling her pleasure building higher and higher. Finally, she cried out and bucked wildly against him as an intense orgasm burst through her entire body, blotting out all other senses.

Moments later, with a roar, she felt him drive himself hard into her and release. The feel of him pulsing inside her, spilling his seed into her body, amplified her own release, drawing out the pleasure. Her tight cunt rippled around him, squeezing his cock hungrily. He continued to thrust into her throughout his climax, his rhythm faltering and slowing.

Finally, he sagged against her, resting on his elbows to keep most of his weight off of her, and his head dropping to her chest. They both lay in each other's embrace, gasping for breath, their bodies covered in a sheen of sweat. As her vision began to clear and she became aware of herself and her surroundings again, she trailed her fingers along his back to twine in his sweat dampened curls.

She felt tears once again in her eyes as she clung to him. As they began to fall, she swallowed hard, then whispered in a shaking voice "I love you so much, Cullen."

At her words, he lifted his head. She could see the anguish in his eyes, as tears slipped down his cheeks. He tried to speak for a moment, before gathering her into his arms.

* * *

As he moved over her, thrusting harder and harder into her tight heat, he drank in the sight of her. Even as his blood pounded in his veins, nearing his climax, his heart ached to know that this could well be the last moments they had together. Tears stung his eyes as his body clenched, and he felt his cock throbbing desperately as his sack tightened.

Then he was spilling himself into her body, and he let out a roar that was as much pleasure as it was emotional pain. He shuddered violently as he felt her cunt rippling around his rock hard shaft, seemingly milking him for ever last drop of his seed. He reveled in his release, his rhythm faltering, but continued to thrust into her for long moments.

He felt his strength give out, then, and sagged to his elbows. He felt no desire to leave her, remaining lodged deep inside of her body, even as he felt himself softening in the aftermath of his intense orgasm. Then he felt her trembling fingers combing through his hair, and she whispered those beautiful words to him.

Lifting his head, then, he met her gaze and saw the same pain he felt welling up inside of him. Seeing her tears, he couldn't stop his own. He tried to speak, but choked on the words. Instead, he gathered her into his arms and turned onto his side, sliding from her body in the process. She curled against him, one leg curved around his hip, as they clung to each other. He couldn't bear the idea of losing her. They both wept brokenly, mourning the loss they were sure to face all too soon.

After awhile, as his tears lessened, he rubbed his hand up and down her back. Eventually, she had also wept herself out, and lay in his arms, weak from the combination of their intense love making, and the emotional storm that came with it. They were silent for a long time, soaking in their final moments together.

Finally he spoke, his voice rough. "I will always love you, Valaina. If at all possible, I will find a way for us to be together again. By the Maker, I swear this."

She lifted her head, and met his gaze, her cheeks wet and a glimmer of hope in her emerald green eyes. Then she leaned upwards, and pressed her lips to his.

As he moved his mouth against hers lovingly, he began hearing noises in the distance. As the noises got louder, he lifted his head, breaking from their kiss, and turning his head to listen. People were shouting, and he realized he could hear weapons clashing along with the muffled sounds of spells being cast.

He tensed as a new fear gripped him, and he felt Valaina stiffen against him as well. He listened hard for long moments, trying to make out what might be happening. Then he looked down, and saw that her eyes were wide as they looked at each other in shock, both wondering what the hell was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note for those who may be trying to match up events of the Mage Origin in Dragon Age: Origins with the events in this story:
> 
> I'm writing this as though Duncan never came to the Circle of Magi for recruitment. I have always assumed he didn't visit all locations to look for recruits, so in this case he simply went elsewhere. Since Valaina is not the "Hero of Ferelden" I opted to make a couple other minor changes, such as the fact she isn't friends with Jowan, nor took part in his escape.
> 
> In writing this chapter I did find myself wishing I'd addressed some of the events in DA:O a bit more in earlier chapters. But I did my best to stay true to those events in writing this chapter. I hope this doesn't ruffle any feathers!


	8. Broken Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Cullen and Valaina try to savor their final moments together, chaos erupts within the Circle Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: Please note that new warnings and tags have been applied to this story, due to events in this chapter.
> 
> -Rape/Non-Con  
> -Rape  
> -Psychological Torture  
> -Violence

With the sounds of a raging battle getting louder and louder, they scrambled to retrieve their clothing. Cullen's heart was hammering in his chest as he quickly worked to put his armor back on. Once dressed, Valaina ran over to help him with his armor, her quick fingers now familiar with the various clasps and buckles.

His mind raced, as he tried to imagine what might be happening in the halls outside of their private sanctuary. It wasn't the sound of someone coming to discipline an errant Templar and his Mage lover. The sounds coming from the other side of the stone walls was a full out battle.

Fully equipped once more, he seized Valaina around the waist and pulled her to him. He claimed her mouth once more in a hungry, urgent kiss. When he pulled back moments later, he could see the fear in her eyes. He caressed her cheek, feeling his own anxiety. "Valaina, love... I don't know what's happening out there. Please, find somewhere safe to hide."

She nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Please be careful, love. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you."

He swallowed hard, nodding. He kissed her once more, briefly, before drawing his sword and running from the room.

The scene before him was one of utter chaos. Templars and Mages fought against one another. Some of the Mages seemed to be aiding the Templars, while others had clearly turned Maleficar, performing Blood Magic. Demons had been summoned, fighting alongside the Maleficar. The noise was deafening.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Valaina come up slightly behind him, instinctively seeking his protection. He turned, one hand squeezing her shoulder. "Valaina, please, head towards the main entrance! Find somewhere safe!" His heart thudded painfully, fear gripping him of what might happen to her.

She nodded quickly, tears in her eyes. "I will. Promise me you'll come back to me!" 

He moved his hand to her cheek, his heart in his throat. "I promise."

She gazed at him for one last long moment, before she turned and fled.

He sent up an urgent prayer to the Maker that she would be safe, then turned and charged into the fray.

* * *

Panic had seized Valaina as she fled through the halls of the Circle Tower. She tried not to think about the dangers Cullen was facing, even as she ran on light feet to escape the chaos. She had never had to use her magic in combat before, and she found herself completely unnerved, all of her lessons seemingly vanishing from her mind. The combatants around her seemed more intent on fighting one another, and thus far had ignored her fleeing figure.

Then she heard a heart stopping roar, and stumbled. Turning, she saw an enraged demon making its way towards her, wreathed in flame. She threw up a hasty barrier, and backed away, trying desperately to suppress her fears and collect herself. Lifting her hands, she summoned a burst of ice to blast the rage demon away from her.

It stumbled for a moment, then continued its advance towards her. She fought to hold back a wave of panic as she shot another blast of ice at it, and then another. Without a staff in her hands to direct her magic, she was unable to focus her spells enough to be truly effective. She took a step back for each spell cast, retreating away from it.

Then other spells were flung at the demon, and two Templars raced in to fight it head on. She felt a surge of gratitude and continued her own assault, until the demon fell back into the stone floor, vanishing into a cloud of ash and smoke.

Adrenaline now surging through her, she looked around wildly. Nearby, she saw one of her fellow Mages had fallen, his staff laying on the floor beside him. She only hesitated for a moment before seizing it. Then she turned and began firing spells at other demons in the area, as well as Mages who were clearly casting blood magic to add to the chaos. With staff in hand, she was able to control her casting with greater accuracy and impact. She continued to cast spells as she made her way to the lower levels.

Finally she came to a large pair of doors, and saw a small group of Mages holding fast. At the forefront of the group stood a familiar figure. Wynne whirled her staff with expert grace as she released spell after spell to protect the children clustered behind her. Their eyes met, and the older woman paused just long enough to beckon to Valaina. "I'm going to seal off the door, hurry!"

Valaina wasted no time as she sprinted for the group. Once past the threshold of the door, she whirled and joined Wynne in firing spells at the enemies who advanced towards them. Several of the older apprentices fought alongside them, while the younger children huddled together, crying.

With most of the enemies dispatched, Wynne changed her stance and began casting a spell to erect a heavy magical barrier. Valaina and the others continued firing their spells to protect her, until the curtain of magic fell into place, completely blocking any from entering or exiting.

Wynne sagged slightly, hands on her knees, breathing hard. Valaina was panting herself, as she moved to the other woman's side and placed a hand on her back. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, still breathing hard, and after a few moments she stood upright. "Yes, I'm fine. Are the others all safe?"

They both looked around the room, taking account of their charges. Many were frightened, some weeping from pure terror, but no one seemed to be injured. Valaina moved to one of the smallest children and gathered him into her arms, holding him close and trying to reassure him. She looked up as she rubbed his back.

"Do we know what happened?"

Wynne nodded, gravely. "I believe this is the work of Senior Enchanter Uldred. He has been pushing for the Circle to ally with Teyrn Loghain, who made promises of freedom from Chantry rule." She moved over to one of the benches and sank down. "I witnessed Loghain's treachery, and told Irving of it. There was to be a meeting this afternoon, with Uldred, to discuss the situation. I don't know what took place, but the timing of this rebellion can't be a coincidence."

Valaina felt a chill move through her. Handing the crying child off to one of the older apprentices, she moved over to sit beside Wynne. "Do we know where Greagoir and Irving are?"

"I believe Greagoir is at the main entrance. However, they've barricaded the doors. If he, or anyone else, is still there, they aren't responding."

Valaina stared at her, eyes wide. "Wait, you mean they've barricaded us in here with the blood mages? Why aren't they trying to rescue us?"

Wynne's gaze darkened, with a frown. "I don't know what he has in mind. I'm not sure what happened to Irving, either. I think at this point all we can do is wait."

* * *

Cullen tried not to think about the lives that were being cut down all around him, as he fought against the mages and demons wreaking havoc. He forced himself to avert his eyes from the bloodied faces of his comrades as they lay motionless. It seemed as though for every Templar or Mage struck down, another demon was ready to take their place.

He had never been in such a fierce battle before. He called on the reserves of Lyrium flowing through him as he summoned his own magic to suppress the mages and strike back at the demons. Blows rained down on his raised shield, and his sword whistled through the air as he fought.

Cutting down yet another demon, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and whirled around, ready to face his next opponent.

He froze, his heart stopping. Valaina stood amidst the carnage, watching him. Her expression was strangely regretful, tinged with determination. It took a moment for Cullen to fully register the fact that she was really there. Then he moved towards her, anxiety fluttering inside of him, glancing around for anything that might threaten her safety. "Valaina, you shouldn't be here! You need to get somewhere safe!"

She stepped forward, and reached up one hand to gently cup his cheek. "I'm sorry, Cullen. Truly, I am. But I'm afraid this is where we part ways."

He stared at her, completely baffled. "What... What do you mean? Valaina, you're not safe here!"

Then he heard a low chuckle, and a figure stepped around the corner to join them. Davick's grey eyes were cold, and filled with malice. He smirked as he stepped forward, and drew Valaina to his side. "Oh don't worry. I'll keep her safe. Nothing will harm her so long as she is with me."

Valaina gazed up at Davick, complete adoration in her eyes. Cullen felt as though a heavy blow had struck him in the stomach. Then she turned to look back at Cullen, her eyes filled with regret. "You and I both know it would never work for us, Cullen. We are from different worlds. We'd never be allowed to stay together."

Cullen felt numb as he stared at her, struggling to come to terms with what she was saying. He swallowed hard, shaking his head. Then his gaze shifted, and he saw the disgustingly self satisfied smirk on Davick's face.

Rage swelled up inside of him, such as he had never felt before. With a roar of anger, he blindly charged forwards. He raised his sword, ready to thrust it through Davick's heart.

Valaina lifted a hand, and magic surged from her fingertips to slam into Cullen's chest. He felt his body being lifted off his feet, then slammed into the wall behind him with a terrific crash. His sword fell from his grasp, and he sagged to the floor in a daze. After a few moments, he shook his head, trying to clear the ringing from his ears. He tried to lift his hand up, only to find that he couldn't move any of his limbs.

He looked up, and saw Valaina sauntering towards him. Her expression had shifted, regret replaced with what could only be described as disdain. "I won't let you hurt him, love. I've made my choice. Davick can give me all the things that I have ever wanted." She came to stand in front of him, and ran her fingertips delicately over his lips. "We both know that you could never truly fulfill my dreams. You have a duty to perform, and no matter what else happened, you would never abandon your duties. Even if it meant betraying the woman you love."

Anguish welled up inside of him, mingled with a painful yearning, as he stared at her. He shook his head, swallowing thickly. "Valaina... Please! Don't do this! It's not worth it!"

Then Davick was there, drawing Valaina away. "You couldn't possibly understand. You don't know what it is like to be imprisoned, and forced into a life you do not want. I understand her desires better than you could ever hope to comprehend."

They turned into each other's arms, then, and Davick claimed her with a passionate kiss. Cullen roared with anger, struggling violently against the invisible bonds holding him in place. Valaina melted into Davick's embrace, who pulled her tightly against his hips. Even as Cullen fought to regain his freedom, Davick pushed Valaina up against the wall and began arching his hips into hers.

Cullen felt a surge of disgust as he felt his own body responding to the sight of the two Mages rutting against each other. A fiercely possessive need consumed him, a desperate yearning to destroy Davick by any means possible, and take back the woman he loved.

Soon, Davick was pushing open her robe, his hands grasping at her nude body greedily. Cullen could see the pendant he had given her between her breasts. The sight of her undulating against the other man, while wearing the holy symbol that had also symbolized his love for her, aroused him in ways that shocked him to the core. He tried to look away, sickened by the sight, but found he couldn't move his head. The magic binding him was forcing him to watch.

Opening his own robes, Davick bared himself. He glanced over with a sneer, and Cullen let out another roar of hatred and rage. Then the Mage plunged himself into Valaina's body. She cried out, twining her legs around his hips, as he began drive his hips upwards again and again.

Cullen tried to close his eyes, to look anywhere else. He felt shattered, tears falling down his cheeks. His own length throbbed with a painful need as he was forced to watch Davick claim her. He no longer struggled against his bonds, but instead struggled to regain control of his lust. He began to feel certain that he must be dreaming, having a nightmare, that none of this could possibly be real. He tried to block his ears from the sounds the two were making, Davick's body driving hard into hers, and her cries of pleasure ringing through the room. 

After what felt like an eternity, Valaina cried out, shuddering in the throes of her release. Davick growled with pleasure, and clearly came to his own orgasm, spilling himself into her body. Cullen's own cock was rigid with need, painfully confined within his armor. He felt a desperate desire to plunge himself into her body and reclaim her, to remind her that she belonged to him.

As the two Mages savored the aftermath of their wild coupling, Valaina dragged her fingers through Davick's hair, gripping his scalp. A moment later, the man began to sag against her, his eyes rolling back in his head. She lowered her legs from his hips, as he slumped to the floor. With his head lolling to one side, Cullen was shocked to see that the man's eyes were lifeless, and blood was trickling from his nose and lips.

With a deep sigh of languid pleasure, Valaina arched her back, sliding her hands over her nude body. Stepping over the lifeless body of her lover, she sauntered towards Cullen, her hips swaying with a sultry swagger. "Oh my dear, beloved Cullen. Did you enjoy our little show?"

He shook his head, choking, tears streaming down his cheeks. "You are not my Valaina! She would never do this!!"

She gave a playful pout, then, and touched his lips. "How can you say such a thing, my love?"

He tried to jerk his head away, snarling with anger at her apparent betrayal. "Don't call me that! Just get away from me!"

Leaning down, she pressed her lips tenderly against his. Her hands moved to his waist, and began nimbly releasing the clasps of his armor. He felt himself being lifted up slightly by whatever was binding him in place, and she pulled his armor away. Pulling away from his lips, she looked down, and let out a deep, throaty chuckle. "Oh my. Deny it all you want, love, but you clearly enjoyed seeing another man fuck me."

He clenched his teeth, hissing angrily, as she pulled down his breeches and wrapped her fingers around his rigid length. He fought desperately against his own arousal, as her slender fingers gripped his cock firmly, and she pumped her hands slowly up and down.

"Mmmm... Perhaps I should take you, like this. One last time. Would you like that, love?"

His cheeks were wet with angry tears, and he growled at her. "To the void with you, Bitch!"

"Now, is that any way to speak to the woman you love, hmm?" Her tone was mocking.

"You are NOT my Valaina!!" He shouted the words, conviction in his voice, despite the doubt fluttering inside him.

Then she released his cock and lifted herself up, kneeling as she straddled his hips. She looked down at him, her breasts framing her face from his point of view. She trailed her fingertips tenderly down his cheeks. "You will know the truth soon enough. For now... One last gift for my beloved."

She then began to ease herself down on his rigid cock. Anger surged through him, even as lust flooded his veins. Her tight entrance rippled around him hungrily, and he was revolted as he felt her wetness, knowing it was mingled with the release of the man who lay dead on a few feet away.

He was still unable to fully close his eyes as she sank down onto him. Then she was lifting herself back up, before sinking back down with a satisfied sigh of pleasure. Soon she had established her rhythm, driving herself up and down on his shaft, her hands on his still armor clad shoulders for support. Her breasts, and the pendant between them, began bouncing up and down as her speed quickly increased. Her long, dark, coppery hair flew wildly about her shoulders, curling around her shoulders and breasts.

He felt sickened by how much her actions were inflaming his lust. He was helpless against the onslaught, his shaft throbbing desperately for release. Realizing it was the only way he would find relief from his agony, he stopped holding it back, anxious for it to be over with. Moments later, with a roar, his cock throbbed and pulsated as his release filled her already soaked cunt.

She cried out on his release, and her body bucked wildly against his as her own orgasm racked her body. Moments later she sagged against him, murmuring with pleasure, nuzzling against his throat.

He was weeping openly, then, filled with disgust and hatred for the woman he had once cherished above everything else in his life. Sitting up, she pressed her lips to his tears. "Oh my poor love. I do hate to leave you like this. But I must go, now."

He snarled at her. "You better run, Bitch. Because I will track you down, and you will pay for your treachery!"

She pouted at him. "Won't that be a tragedy, if it turns out I am the mother of your child? Though I suppose we may never know whether it's your child, or Davick's." She seemed to ponder it for a moment, before shrugging. Revulsion rose in him like bile, effectively choking back his angry tears.

Then she sighed, and gazed down at him. For just a moment, he saw something dark and sinister flash in her eyes, before she spoke. "Good bye, my love."

As she leaned down and kissed his forehead, he felt something powerful force its way into his mind. It drew out every memory he had of Valaina, and every detail that had made him love her. Then it felt as though his memories and thoughts were being ripped apart, dredging up every single feeling of fear, regret, and guilt he'd ever had. Visions and emotions flooded his thoughts. Memories warped darkly, turned into nightmares. Visions of Valaina seducing him filled his mind, performing sexual acts with him that would haunt his dreams for years to come.

He was so consumed by these nightmarish visions, he was unaware when she had released him from his magical bindings. She sauntered away from him, erecting a magical barrier to keep him imprisoned, as she departed.

* * *

Valaina wasn't sure exactly how much time had passed since she had taken refuge with Wynne and the other Mages. The barrier had held strong against the onslaught thus far. After several hours, the Tower became eerily quiet. Many more hours had passed since then, and they had all grown thirsty, hungry, and weary. They tried to sleep as best they could, but the cold stone floors and benches were little comfort to exhausted bodies.

Several attempts had been made to try and get through the main doors to the entryway, but there had been no response. Either no one was there to hear them, or they were being ignored.

Sitting on the floor off to one side, away from the others, Valaina leaned back against the wall, her eyes closed. Anxiety was now a constant companion, as she ached to know what was happening. She'd already shed many tears, frightened of what might have happened to Cullen. She was certain there would be a great many lying dead within the halls in the aftermath of the battle. She could only pray in silence, begging the Maker that Cullen wouldn't be one of them.

Hearing the quiet footsteps of someone approaching, she opened her eyes and looked up. Wynne moved over and sat beside her. "How are you holding up, dear?"

Valaina smiled gently. "I think I should be asking you that question."

Wynne returned the smile, and patted Valaina's hand where it rested on her knee. "Oh don't you worry about me, I'll be fine. But I'm well aware of the fears you must be coping with."

Thus far, Wynne had not said a word to her about her relationship with Cullen. She swallowed hard, and dropped her gaze. "He told me to run, to find somewhere safe to hide."

She felt Wynne's gentle fingers brushing the curls back from her face, tucking them behind her ears. "I assume he told you about my chat with him?"

"He only told me that you knew," she said quietly.

Wynne was quiet for a moment. "I know how it feels to love someone you can't truly be with. It is one of the most difficult aspects of being a Mage, and living in the Circle."

Valaina looked up, then, distracted for the moment from her own fears. "Have you ever been in love?"

There was a small, mysterious little smile on Wynne's face. "Oh yes. Several times, in fact." Then her expression saddened for a moment before she spoke again. "It was never easy, having to tiptoe around the rules and hide my feelings for another. Especially when the one you love is a Templar."

Valaina's eyes widened, and she stared at Wynne for a long moment. "You?"

Wynne smiled again, but it was overshadowed by the sadness in her eyes. "Not many people are aware of that part of my past. But yes, I was once loved by a young Templar nearly as much as you are loved by yours."

"What happened?"

She looked away, her eyes growing distant. "We enjoyed each other's company for quite some time, spending many hours alone. It became more and more difficult for us to keep our relationship a secret, however. Then I discovered I was pregnant. The treatment I had been taking to prevent it had failed. He couldn't cope with the consequences, and left me."

"What happened to the child?" she asked softly.

"He was taken from me immediately. I only got to see him briefly. He was taken to be raised in the Chantry." 

Wynne sounded matter of fact about it, but Valaina thought she could sense a deep, underlying sadness. Her heart ached, as she empathized all too keenly with Wynne. She swallowed hard for a moment. "Davick found out about Cullen and me," she whispered softly. "He threatened to reveal us to Irving and Greagoir. We... We were trying to make the most out of the time we had left, when all this happened."

She rubbed her eyes as she felt her tears returning, emotional turmoil closing in around her. Then the older woman put her arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a gentle embrace. Unable to hold back any longer, Valaina rested her head on Wynne's shoulder, and wept.

After a while, Valaina lifted her head, and tried to rub the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I've been such a mess lately. It seems like all I do anymore is cry."

Wynne smiled reassuringly. "You've been through a lot, so I think it's perfectly understandable."

Valaina gave a weak smile, and nodded. On impulse, she dipped her fingers below the collar of her robe, and drew the necklace out. She wrapped her fingers around the pendant, needing the reassurance it offers. "I just hope he's alright. Even if..." Her chin quivered, and she drew in a deep, calming breath. "Even if we can't be together anymore... I just want him to be alive."

"If anyone can pull out of this, I'm sure he will. He has more to fight for than most." Wynne patted her cheek, smiling gently.

At that moment there came a terrific roaring noise, causing everyone in the room to cry out in alarm. Wynne leapt to her feet, snatching up her staff with a great deal more speed and grace than Valaina would have expected for a woman of her advanced years. Grabbing up her own staff, she followed Wynne, and they raced towards the barrier.

With another roar, a rage demon rose up from the stone floor in front of the barrier. Valaina had a fleeting moment of panic, wondering how it had managed to get past the barrier. But she quickly dismissed the concern, as she joined Wynne in fighting the demon back. Some of the older apprentices joined in the struggle, while the children scrambled as far from the fight as they could.

The demon swiped at Wynne with fiery claws, and she cried out, stumbling back, and collapsed to the ground. Valaina's heart stopped, and she saw the magical barrier covering the door flickering. She quickly rallied herself and stepped forward, throwing up another barrier around herself and the nearest apprentices. The demon showed little sign of weakening, as it advanced towards her. She flung spell after spell at the beast, trying not to panic.

Then Wynne stepped up beside her once again, a new strength and resolve in her expression. She cast a powerful spell at the demon, and it stumbled back, flinching. Seeing it weakened gave Valaina new resolve, and she redoubled her efforts to blast the demon back.

After a several more minutes of frenzied spell casting, the demon roared, and sank back into the stone floor, leaving a blackened mark on the floor.

Before they had time to recover from the ordeal, footsteps echoed through the chamber behind them. Valaina whirled, staff held ready, and saw a small group of people racing towards them. They slowed down as they approached, apparently realizing that the danger was past.

Wynne stepped forward, her staff held ready. "Who are you?!" she demanded.

A man wearing heavy armor stepped forward, sheathing his sword. He lifted both hands to indicate he meant no harm. "I'm Aedan Cousland, a Grey Warden. I came seeking the aid of the Mages against the Blight. When we learned about the situation here, we offered our aid."

Wynne relaxed slightly, but still looked wary. "How did you get in here? We have tried to leave, but the doors were barricaded."

"Several Templars are stationed at the main entrance. They're waiting for reinforcements, and the Right of Annulment."

Valaina felt a chill go through her at his words. She knew of the Right, and struggled with the realization that the Templars may yet sweep through the halls and kill every last Mage, regardless of guilt.

Wynne gripped her staff tighter at his words, her expression grim. "So Greagoir believes the Circle is beyond hope. Perhaps he assumes we are all dead."

The Warden nodded slightly. "I'm afraid so. We've offered to investigate the situation further, and we may be able to prevent such drastic actions. However, he will not open the doors again unless we locate First Enchanter Irving."

Wynne nodded, solemnly. "It seems we have little choice in the matter. I will do everything in my power to protect the Circle, and the Mages who are innocent victims to this rebellion. Please let me accompany you in your search for Irving."

He considered her for a long moment, and then nodded. "You would be welcome to join us. We could use your familiarity with the Tower, as well as the situation we are dealing with."

Valaina stepped forward then, placing a hand on Wynne's arm. "Are you sure you're alright? You collapsed in that last fight, and you've been holding that barrier for a long time. Perhaps I should come with you?"

The other woman turned, then, and smiled reassuringly. "I will be alright. The others need you here. Keep them safe and calm."

Valaina hesitated for a moment, then nodded quietly.

The Warden turned towards his small party. "Leliana, stay here with the Mages and help keep them safe. Alistair, Zevran, let's get moving."

As Wynne brought down the barrier and the group departed, Valaina stepped forward and summoned a new barrier to cover the entrance. She sighed, rubbing her brow. Part of herself felt reassured that they were at last seeing some sign that things may yet be resolved peacefully. But she also felt a deep fear as she wondered how much time they had before the Templars would act.

Hearing a light step come up beside her, Valaina turned. The young woman that had been left behind smiled reassuringly. "Do not worry. I am certain Aedan and the others will find the First Enchanter." She spoke in a lilting Orlesian accent.

Valaina tried to let her words reassure her, but she shook her head slightly. "I'm afraid all they will find are dead bodies. If Irving has been killed, then we are all as good as dead." She instinctively grasped the pendant again, seeking reassurance from it as she had never felt before.

Then she turned to look at the other woman again. She wore leather armor, which managed to accentuate the curves of her form. She had a sheathed dagger on each hip, and Valaina suspected others elsewhere, out of sight. Her red hair was cropped relatively short, with a single braid falling down over her left brow. "He said your name is Leliana?"

She smiled again, and nodded. "I am a bard, from Orlais. I was serving as a Lay Sister in the Lothering Chantry, when Aedan and the others came through. I decided to join them in their cause."

"It's nice to meet you, Leliana. I only wish it were under better circumstances." She gave the woman a wan smile, as she extended her hand. "I'm Valaina. I've been in this Circle most of my life, though I grew up near Honnleath."

The two grasped hands, and then Valaina motioned for them to move off to one side. They sat down on a bench and began conversing quietly. After several minutes, Leliana pointed at her necklace. "That is a beautiful pendant. May I ask where it came from?"

Valaina flushed, then. She had kept it hidden for so long, she wasn't used to anyone seeing it. Clearing her throat, she lifted the pendant in her fingers. "Oh... Well... A friend gave it to me. I believe he got it in Redcliffe."

Leliana leaned forward, and gently lifted the pendant in her own fingers, examining the minute details. "It is exquisite. This friend of yours must care for you a great deal." Then Leliana turned the pendant over to examine the inscription. She looked up, a little twinkle in her eyes. "Oh yes, a great deal, indeed."

She felt herself blushing fiercely, and dropped her gaze. As Leliana released the pendant, Valaina slipped it back under her robes, out of sight. She remained silent, as her thoughts once again began to dwell on what might have befallen Cullen.

Seeming to sense the shift in her mood, Leliana looked over towards the barricade for a moment, then back to Valaina. "Forgive me. I take it he remains within the Tower?"

She nodded, unable to speak. She felt Leliana's hand on her shoulder, squeezing reassuringly, but the other woman remained silent. They both sat quietly, waiting.

* * *

Cullen didn't know how much time had passed. He struggled against the mental onslaught barraging his mind. He wanted it to end, and felt helpless in its grasp. After a time he had been able to regain some semblance of his surroundings. He managed to re-equip his armor, hatred and shame filling him at the reminder of what had been done to him. Then he had struggled to find some way to escape the magical prison he found himself in.

However, as he became more aware of his surroundings, his nightmares started to manifest themselves in other ways. He started seeing visions around him, blurring his perception of reality. He saw Valaina coming to him repeatedly. Sometimes she would seem like the woman he knew and loved, frightened and worried for him, trying to find some way to help him escape. Other times she was a sultry seductress, taunting him and twisting his feelings for her into knots.

He knelt and bowed his head, hands clasped, and sent up desperate prayers to the Maker to deliver him from his torture. He tried to ignore the barrage of images battering at his mind. He rocked back and forth as he knelt, eyes clenched shut, clinging to his own sanity.

He heard footsteps approaching, and a woman gasp. "Cullen, you're alive!"

Shaking his head, he ground his teeth together. "Be gone! You will not break me!"

Footsteps near him suggested that several people had approached. He opened his eyes to glance up briefly, and saw Wynne kneeling down on the other side of the barrier. "What have they done to you?"

"Leave me be!" he growled. "I know what you are, and it won't work! I will stay strong!"

Her eyes were filled with compassion. "Try to rest easy, now. Help has arrived."

He shook his head, dropping his gaze again as he fingers clutched at his scalp. "Enough with these visions! Filthy Blood Mages... Getting into my head... You have already destroyed my love for Valaina! I will not be broken... I would rather die!"

He heard a low, throaty chuckle then. "It would seem someone has been a naughty, naughty Templar. My my," said a voice in a thick Antivan accent.

Cullen surged to his feet, then, and hammered ineffectually against the magical barrier. "Leave me be, or kill me now and stop this game!!"

A heavily armored man stepped forward. "I swear to you, we are no vision. We're here to help."

Up until then, the people he had seen in his visions had all been those he knew already. But he realized the three men with Wynne were completely unknown to him. Two of the men were in heavy armor, clearly warriors. The third was a dark skinned elf with straight blonde hair falling to his shoulders, and daggers at his hips. The elf wore a playful smirk on his lips as he watched Cullen.

Wynne shook her head as she gazed at Cullen with real sympathy. "I've never seen anything like this before. I might be able to break you free, but it will take time."

"Time which we may not have," said the other Warrior, stepping up beside the first.

Cullen began to think that perhaps these people were, indeed, real. "Did Greagoir send you? How did you get in here?"

The dark haired man who seemed to be leading the group nodded solemnly. "We're searching for First Enchanter Irving, and any Mages who may yet live."

"May yet live?! Do you mean to tell me you intend to save them?!" Cullen felt anger welling up inside of him.

The other man frowned slightly. "We will take care of any Mages who are clearly practicing Blood Magic. However, I will not be responsible for slaughtering those who may be innocent."

"No! Kill them all! Do you not see what they have done? Even if they were once innocent, they have been exposed to the taint of Blood Mages! You don't know what they've become. They cannot be allowed to live!" Then he sagged back down to his knees, clutching at his head. "To think I once sympathized with Mages. Now I'd like nothing more than to wipe their kind off the face of Thedas!"

The second warrior shook his head, sadly. "His hatred of Mages is so intense... The memory of his friends' death is still fresh in his mind."

The leader of the group spoke then, his voice calm but resolute. "I would rather spare the life of a Maleficar and let them be dealt with later, rather than slaughter innocents."

Cullen glared up at the man, gritting his teeth in anger. "If that is your decision, then so be it. Don't waste your time on me. Go and do what you must. Perhaps then I will be free."

Wynne gazed down at him with a look of sorrow. "I don't know what they've done to you, Cullen. But know this: Valaina is safe, and she anxiously awaits your return."

He felt a punch to his gut, and he growled angrily. "Do not speak of her to me! Go! Deal with the others, and save this wretched Circle if you can. I hope your compassion hasn't doomed us all."

Nothing further was said, as the group filed out of the room, leaving him alone once again with his nightmares.

* * *

Several more hours passed as Valaina and the others waited anxiously. Silence had fallen once more, and no further attacks came. She tried to sleep, drifting in and out of consciousness, but was unable to fully relax.

Finally, the unmistakable sound of footsteps approached, along with voices conversing. Getting to her feet, she approached the barrier cautiously. Relief surged through her as she saw the Warden's group returning, with First Enchanter Irving striding beside him. Her heart surged with joy as she saw Cullen amongst the rest of the survivors, following in their wake.

She quickly dispelled the barrier, and Irving smiled warmly. "It is good to see more survivors of this madness."

"I can't tell you how glad I am to see you, First Enchanter," she replied with a bright smile.

As the group continued towards the main entrance, her gaze shifted to Cullen. When he lifted his eyes to gaze at her, she felt a chill wash over her. The look he gave her was filled with malice and disgust. She stood frozen in place, paralyzed and uncomprehending.

He turned away, and in so doing, she felt as though a door had been slammed shut behind him, blocking her out.

Then Wynne was beside her, pulling her around, and gripping her shoulders tightly. "Valaina, listen to me. He is alive. Remember that, above all else."

She felt completely numb. "He... He looked at me with such anger. I don't understand!"

Wynne gently pushed her down onto a bench, and sat down beside her. Putting her arm around Valaina's shoulder, she spoke softly. "When we found him, he was apparently seeing things that weren't there. It seems like they put things in his head to torture him. From what he said, I believe most of what they did revolved around his memories of you."

She stared at the older woman, pain swelling inside of her. "They... What? I... I don't understand!"

Wynne sighed, and her eyes were filled with sympathy. "We found Davick's body near Cullen. He was naked, and it looked as though something destroyed his mind. I can't be certain, but based on what Cullen said and the evidence we found, I believe a desire demon was summoned, perhaps by Davick himself. It seems the demon did something to Cullen, to plant nightmares in his mind. From what he said, I believe most of those nightmares revolved around his relationship with you."

Valaina was barely conscious of the tears slipping down her cheeks as she stared at Wynne. She swallowed hard, trying to process what she was being told. "What can I do? There must be something... I need to help him!"

"I'm not sure if anything can be done. Try and talk to him, when you get a chance. But remember that he may not respond the way you would want. You must be strong, there's a chance you may not be able to help him," Wynne told her solemnly.

Valaina turned to look the direction the rest had gone, towards the main entrance. She felt completely numb, and in shock. She had been hoping and praying that he would be alive. It was as though her prayers had been answered, but at great cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a difficult chapter for me to write, but it sets the foundation of many of the events, and relationships, in future chapters. At this point, this is likely to be the only chapter which includes non-consensual sex. I don't mind writing it, but I recognize that it can be a sensitive subject for some people.
> 
> Special thanks (once again) to DeviantRhapsode and Ciarasteina for helping me refine (and get through) this chapter!


	9. Departures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the Circle Tower rebellion, Cullen struggles against the aftermath of his torture, and Valaina must come to terms with her loss.

Cullen cried out and sat up in bed, gasping, his body coated in a fine sheen of sweat. It took a moment for him to orient himself, to recognize that it had only been another nightmare. After a few moments his pounding heart slowed, and with a heavy sigh he fell back against his pillow.

He hadn't had a proper night's sleep since the rebellion. He constantly felt on edge and tense, struggling to cope with everything that had happened. His roommate had been killed during the uprising, adding yet more grief to cope with. On the other hand, it meant that he had the room to himself, with no one to witness his nightly torments. He was grateful for that, even as he felt guilty for that gratitude, given the cost of it.

It had been over a week since the Warden and his party had suppressed the rebellion, and saved the Circle Mages. Most of the time since then had been spent cleaning the tower, and making attempts to remove all signs of the uprising. Numerous bodies had been removed, some mangled beyond recognition. Witnessing the aftermath of what Uldred and the other Maleficar had done had only increased Cullen's hatred for them. He had lost all trust in Mages, and it was difficult for him to see them as anything but a dangerous threat to Thedas.

Above all else, however, the thing that caused him the most agony was the change in his feelings towards Valaina. There was still a part of him that desperately loved her, and wanted nothing more than to find solace in her arms. But he couldn't bear to look at her, anymore. Every time he saw her, he felt rage well up inside of him. He had become certain that the actions she had apparently taken that day had actually been those of a desire demon. But the demon had done its work all too well.

He had done his best to avoid Valaina, keeping himself occupied as much as possible with the Tower's recovery. That had not stopped her from seeking him out numerous times, trying to speak with him. Part of him ached to speak with her, hoping that perhaps in doing so she might help him heal the damage that had been done. However, the moment he turned to look at her, hatred boiled up uncontrollably within him. Rather than lashing out at her, he had opted to flee her presence each time.

Realizing that he was not going to be able to get any further rest that night, Cullen climbed out of bed and began dressing. Despite the early hour of the morning, there were an unusually high number of people moving about the hall. Many of them looked as haggard as he felt, and he was certain that he was not alone in experiencing nightmares.

Resuming his efforts to aid with the cleanup, he got to work, using the various tasks to help clear his head and distract him.

It was early afternoon when he moved into one of the classrooms and assessed the damage. He began checking the furniture, and moving the good pieces to one side. As he examined the cracked leg on one of the tables to see if it could be repaired, he heard the door behind him close quietly, and the lock click closed.

Turning, he saw Valaina leaning against the door, hands behind her back, gazing at him anxiously. He stared at her, panic fluttering in his stomach, and trying to hold back the anger that constantly simmered inside of him, threatening to erupt at any moment.

* * *

Valaina had spent most of her waking hours tending to the wounded. With so many Mages killed or injured, she'd been forced to take on even more responsibility as a healer. Though not yet fully trained in the art, she found herself gaining more confidence each day. Her work was overseen by one of the Senior Mages, and she was learning far more from experience than she would have from study.

She was grateful for the distraction, preventing the painful ache that threatened to consume her in quiet moments. Each day she worked until she was exhausted, so that when she fell into bed, she would almost immediately fall asleep. Her dreams were still haunted by everything that had happened, but she hadn't been woken by nightmares as others had.

She had tried on multiple occasions to speak with Cullen. She ached to reach out to him, to find some way to heal the non-physical injuries she knew plagued him. Each time, when he turned to her, for the briefest moment she thought she could see the man she loved gazing back at her. But every time, his expression twisted into one of loathing and disgust, and he would quickly depart without saying a word.

She wasn't ready to give up on him yet, though. Part of her felt she would never truly give up. She had lost something so precious and dear to her, and she was willing to give up everything she had to regain what had been taken from her.

One afternoon, as she was on her way to get more supplies for the Healers, she glanced over and saw Cullen working in one of the classrooms. She hesitated, watching him for a moment as he examined the overturned furniture. She quietly approached the door and looked inside.

It was a split second decision. Seeing that he was alone, she darted into the room. She closed and locked the door behind her, then turned with her back against it, hoping to prevent him from fleeing.

Her heart was in her throat, as he turned to see who had entered the room. He froze and stared at her in surprise for just a moment. Then the anger flared in his eyes once again. His gaze shifted from her to the door behind her, and she saw a brief flicker of fear in his eyes. He turned from her, fists clenched at his side. "Leave me be, Valaina!"

It was the first time he had said anything to her since the uprising, and his angry tone brought tears to her eyes. She swallowed hard before speaking. "Cullen... I... I just want to help! Wynne told me what they did... I can't bear to see you like this!"

He turned then, glaring at her and his lips curling. Whatever fear she may have seen in him moments ago had vanished. "You have no idea what was done to me! I never should have let you near me! It was reckless, and they used you as a weapon against me!"

Tears slipped down her cheeks at his words. She remembered her Harrowing, and how the desire demon had tried to lure her into a false sense of reality by posing as Cullen. She had surmised that something similar had been done to Cullen, and his words seemed to confirm it. "There... There must be something I can do! If they used my image as a weapon, then can't the real me help to dispel those nightmares? Even if we can never be together again, I would do anything to bring you peace!"

He snarled angrily then, charging towards her. Panic seized her as she felt certain he was about to attack. Instead, he slammed his fists into the door on either side of her head, looming over her. "And what's to stop you from using Blood Magic to try and 'heal' me? Tell me that! Is your desperation so great that you truly wouldn't resort to becoming a Maleficar?"

His words shocked her to the core, and she stared at him for a moment. Then she shook her head frantically. "NO! You know me better than that! I would never do such a thing!"

With a harsh growl, he pulled one fist back and punched the door angrily once again, coming so close as to brush against her ear painfully. She gasped, wrenching her head away, feeling the door vibrating against her back from the force of his blow. "I don't believe you! I will _never_ trust Mages again! Being with you was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life!"

There was nothing left inside of her but anguish, as she stared up at him. His anger was so overwhelming, and she realized that in this moment there was nothing left for her to do. Fear gripped her as she realized if she kept pushing him, his self-control might break, and there was a good chance he might become violent. With a sob, she shoved against his chest, pushing him away. Her action seemed to have startled him, giving her a chance to wrench the door open, then slam it behind her as she fled.

Ignoring the startled looks of those around her, she ran for her private chambers, tears streaming down her cheeks. She threw herself into her bed, unable to hold back the torrent of anguished tears.

She had no way of knowing that Cullen had collapsed to his knees after her departure, weeping like a broken child.

* * *

When she didn't return with the supplies, one of the healers had gone looking for Valaina. When she found her crying uncontrollably, she tried to console her. Valaina couldn't speak, and after awhile the other Mage gently drew blankets over her. She brushed Valaina's hair back with gentle fingers, and leaned low to press a soft kiss to her brow, much as a Mother might soothe her child. Then she quietly departed, leaving Valaina to grieve in peace.

After the storm of emotions had passed, she lay in her bed, feeling completely numb and exhausted. She stared blankly at the far wall, her mind empty of all thoughts. Eventually she drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When she woke the next morning, she sat on the edge of her bed for a long time. She felt empty inside. It was as though all her emotions had shut down, sleeping inside of her, and she felt no interest in waking them again. After awhile, she got up and changed her clothes. Then she left her room, and made her way to the First Enchanter's office.

She hadn't given it any conscious thought, but it seemed as though her decision had been there in the back of her mind from the moment she woke. She knocked lightly on Irving's door, and a moment later he beckoned her inside.

He sat behind his desk, and oddly didn't seem surprised to see her there. "Valaina, child. Please, have a seat."

Numbly, she moved to the chair before his desk, and sat with her hands in her lap, her head bent slightly. She knew what she wanted to ask of him, but couldn't seem to open her mouth and speak.

He looked at her gravely, and when she didn't speak, he did instead. "I know you have been through a great deal these past few weeks. I assume your visit has something to do with that?" His voice was gentle and reassuring.

She looked up then, surprise fluttering in the empty void of her emotions. For the first time she wondered just how much he knew. "I... Yes." She hesitated a moment before continuing. "Ser, I don't think I can remain here any longer."

He regarded her quietly for a time. "You have proven yourself a valuable member of our Circle, and we would hate to lose you. Can you tell me why it is that you feel the need to leave us?"

She dropped her gaze then, staring at her intertwined fingers. "It's...too painful. Too much has happened here. I can't bear to stay here any longer."

He got up quietly and moved around his desk. Pulling up a chair, he sat down facing her, leaning forward slightly. "I need you to be honest with me, Valaina. This I about more than the rebellion, isn't it?"

She looked up at him, fear creeping in on her. There was no accusation or rebuke in his tone or expression. After a long moment, she nodded slightly.

He laid one hand gently on top of her intertwined fingers. "There is very little that happens within the Circle which I am not aware of. For the most part, I choose not to interfere, unless I see a real danger. You have been one of our most exemplary Mages, and he one of our most upstanding Templars. I am no tyrant, and I understand that such things happen far more often than anyone realizes."

Tears slipped down Valaina's cheeks at his words, and her chin quivered. She opened her mouth a few times to speak, before the words finally came to her. "They tortured him. I've tried reaching out to him, tried to help him. But it's no use. I knew that we could never really stay together, that it would have to end eventually. But this..." She dropped her gaze again, clenching her eyes shut as she felt more tears welling up.

Moving his hand from hers, he sat up straighter. "I am going to trust your discretion, and tell you something that has not yet been announced. The decision was made just this morning to transfer a few of our Templars away, and bring in new ones. We have all been through a great ordeal, and it would help us to have fresh faces here to help us in our recovery efforts. Cullen is to be one of those who will be transferred away."

She felt her heart clench at those words. Despite the fact that she was more than ready to leave the Tower, somehow it still ached to know that Cullen was being transferred away. Then the First Enchanter spoke again. "Would this be enough to help you recover from your grief? If not, I might be able to make arrangements to have you transferred to another Circle."

She tried to imagine what life would be like at the Tower without Cullen's presence. It might be easier for her, if he was no longer a constant reminder of her pain. But even without him around, there were a myriad of other reminders within the Tower which she felt certain would leave her in lingering grief for a long time to come.

"I would prefer to be transferred, Ser. I... I think I need a clean break. Start fresh somewhere else. I think it would still be too painful for me to remain here."

He nodded solemnly, then laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You will be sorely missed. I shall make the arrangements as soon as possible."

She felt a great surge of gratitude, and smiled wanly. "Thank you, Ser. I will miss everyone here... But I appreciate the chance to start over."

* * *

Cullen glanced around his private chambers, checking to make sure he hadn't missed anything. His belongings had been packed, and he would be departing for Kirkwall shortly. As he moved over to check one of the drawers one last time, he heard a light step in the doorway behind him. He half turned, then froze as he saw Valaina standing there.

There was a sadness in her eyes, but also resignation. He looked away, gripping the edge of the dresser. His outburst of anger towards her had left him feeling guilty and ashamed, but had little effect on the anger that filled him at the sight of her.

"This may be the last time I ever get to see you again. I've been approved for a transfer to another Circle. I can't leave without saying one thing." Her voice was soft and gentle, without any hint of the accusation he felt he deserved. He half turned his head, and could see her out of the corner of his eye.

She hesitated for just a moment before speaking. "I will pray to the Maker that one day you might find peace. I will always love you, Cullen. Even if we never see each other again, I will always cherish the time we had together."

Then she was gone.

Bowing his head, he gripped the edge of the dresser even harder, his armor clad fingers digging grooves into the wood. He bent his head, teeth clenched, and fought back the anguish that threatened to overwhelm him. In that moment he knew, despite everything that had happened, there was still a part of him that would always love her.

With his head bowed, tears slipping down his cheeks, he whispered softly into the empty room. "Good bye, Valaina..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After proof reading this chapter, my good friend Ciarasteina pointed out that [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JWTaaS7LdU) was the perfect tribute for this chapter. On one hand, I couldn't help but laugh at her suggestion. But on the other hand... It fits so perfectly it made me cry!!! THE FEELS!!! 
> 
> I swear to the Maker I did NOT write this chapter with that song in mind! HAHAH!!!
> 
> PS: Ciarasteina has also been known to make music videos based on DA:I romances. There's a possibility we may see a Cullen x Valaina video featuring the above song. But it may be awhile. heheh


	10. Prisoner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the explosion at the Conclave, Cullen discovers that the primary suspect is a woman he knows all too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took awhile, my Muse apparently decided to take a vacation. I'm happy to say that she is back now, however! I've had most of this chapter written for several days now, but it had some serious issues. Once my Muse returned, I was able to fix those problems, and I'm already halfway through writing the next chapter!
> 
> I would also like to note that I have spent a lot of time studying up on the events that take place prior to the Inquisition, such as the start of the Mage-Templar war. I could find very little information about Ostwick. With that in mind, I have done my best to remain true to the canon of the game, but have taken some artistic license where information was absent. If you find any inconsistencies, feel free to let me know so I can make changes! (If you can provide a reference for it as well, that would be fabulous.)
> 
> NOTE: This chapter was altered on June 5th, 2015. For those who read it previously, I have marked the changes in purple text to make them easier to spot. If the colored text bothers you, you can click "Hide Creator's Style" at the top of the page to set it back to the default setting.

   
The tension within Ostwick Circle was almost more than Valaina could bear. With the Circle of Magi's vote to separate from the Chantry, many of the Mages had chosen to leave Ostwick. The Templars had, at times, been hostile towards the Mages who remained. In time, many of the Templars had also decided to depart.  
   
Those who remained lived under an uneasy truce. The Templars recognized that they no longer had the authority to control the Mages. That did not stop some of them from attempting to enforce the duties they had carried out their entire lives. Other Templars seemed more interested in establishing peace. Without the Chantry or the Seekers to govern their actions, hostility between Templars and Mages broke out on a regular basis. That hostility ranged from heated arguments, to swords being drawn.  
   
Valaina had considered leaving, herself, many times. However, she wasn't certain where she might go if she did leave. She often considered trying to find her parents. She'd heard that Honnleath had been overrun by Darkspawn during the Fifth Blight, and the residents of that area had fled. There was no way for her to know where her parents might have gone, or whether they still lived.  
   
Word had reached the Ostwick Circle of a Conclave being arranged by the Divine, and the First Enchanter had decided they would send their own representatives to attend. She was somewhat surprised when he'd asked her to join the delegation. He'd pointed out that, given her personal experiences, she was perhaps better suited to attend than any of the other Ostwick Circle Mages.  
   
Those who would be leaving had gathered to discuss their plans, as they were due to depart the following day. She doubted that she herself would have much effect on the decisions made at the Conclave, but she was grateful to have the opportunity to take part, none the less. After the meeting had adjourned, Valaina went to her private quarters and retrieved a warm shawl, then made her way to the upper levels. She pushed open a door, and stepped out onto a small stone balcony, overlooking the ocean.  
   
She pulled the shawl tight around herself, as strong winds gusted around her. The sun shone down brightly between patchy clouds, which raced overhead. She drank in the taste of the sea on the air. Her ears were filled with the deep roar that served as a constant backdrop to the waves crashing against the cliffs.  
   
The sea had become her solace in the years since she had left the Circle Tower. She could still remember the first time she had smelled it on the air, as she was escorted to Ostwick. It had felt like a balm to her broken heart. It remained a source of serenity, one that she knew she would dearly miss. She didn't know where the future might take her, so much depended on the decisions that would be made at the Conclave. So, she took one last chance to savor the moment, before she would have to depart.  
   
Stepping up to the railing, she leaned over, gazing off to the horizon. Gusting winds tugged at her dark, coppery hair, pulling errant strands from the braided bun, so they danced about her face. She idly reached up and slid her fingertips over the golden pendant laying against her breast. The necklace Cullen had given to her so long ago had come to mean much more to her than a symbol of the love they'd once shared. It served as a constant source of reassurance, and sometimes she felt as though it protected her.  
   
Her love for Cullen had changed, over time. She had long since given up any notion that she might one day reunite with him, and resume the relationship they had once shared. She still harbored feelings for him, but they no longer manifested as a longing to be with him. Instead, it had become a silent prayer in her heart, a hope that he had managed to find peace in his life.  
   
Over the years, she'd had several would be lovers express an interest in her. However, she was reluctant to enter into an illicit affair again, considering everything that happened at the Circle Tower. She didn't want to undergo the challenges of hiding her feelings for someone, and living in constant fear that they would be found out.

On those rare occasions when she lay in bed late at night, feeling the need for sexual release, it was inevitably Cullen who filled her mind. Even when she tried to think of something (or someone) else, her thoughts would return to the heady kisses they had shared, the way his hands felt on her body, and the way his mouth felt on her breasts. It was the memory of him moving over her body, thrusting into her, that still brought her to orgasm.  
   
Even knowing she would never regain what had once been lost, it was hard for her to let go of those memories.  
   
Drawing in a deep breath and closing her eyes, she exhaled slowly. A sea bird called out as it sailed overhead, and she opened her eyes to follow its passage, before it dove down behind a cliff. Standing upright again, she stretched her arms high over her head, luxuriating one last time in the feel of the wind. With a sigh, she turned to go make her final preparations for the journey.  
 

* * *

   
Cullen's heavy footfalls echoed off the stone walls as he rapidly descended the stairs, and into the basement of the Chantry. His thoughts were racing as he made his way down the hallway, ducking to avoid the hanging braziers providing light. Entering the chamber at the far end of the hall, he glanced around. Several guards surrounded the cell in the far corner. The prisoner lay on the straw covered floor, apparently unconscious. The apostate elf, Solas, knelt next to her. From where he stood, the prisoner's upper torso was blocked from his view. Cassandra stood nearby, and turned toward Cullen when she heard him enter.  
   
"Seeker Pentaghast, have we learned anything yet from the prisoner?"  
   
"Very little, as of yet. She has not regained consciousness. However, we have searched her thoroughly, and learned a few details." She motioned towards a table against the far wall. He turned, and saw that there were a variety of items laid out on the surface of the table. Among the items were a Mage's staff, robes of the kind typically worn by Circle Mages, and a variety of smaller items. "Clearly she is a Mage from one of the Circles. We believe she may have come in from the Free Marches, though we have yet to pinpoint a precise location."  
   
As he looked over the items spread out on the table, his eyes fell on a gold pendant. He froze, staring at it in shocked recognition. Cassandra had turned back towards the prisoner and was speaking, but he didn't hear a word she said. Stepping forward, his hand trembling slightly, he gently picked up the pendant to examine it more closely.  
   
It showed signs of age and wear, clearly a much loved adornment, worn on a regular basis. His gloved fingertips touched the beautifully wrought image of Andraste, with the small diamonds accenting the filigreed edge, catching the torchlight. His thoughts raced as a flood of memories came back to him. He caught the light scent of the one who had last worn it, and it was such a familiar scent that it made his heart ache.  
   
His hands shaking, he turned it over. There, as confirmation, was the inscription he'd requested so long ago.  
 

_May the Maker  
watch over you.  
Love, C ___

   
Suddenly he heard Cassandra calling to him, looking back at him with her brow furrowed. He started, guiltily, and turned towards her. "Uh... Sorry. I just..." He felt his cheeks flushing.  
   
"What is it? You look as though you have seen a ghost."  
   
Without responding, he moved towards the cell, stepping around the guards encircling the prisoner. His heart hammered against his chest as he stared down at the woman who had haunted his dreams, and nightmares, for the past decade.  
   
Her skin was marred by small scrapes and bruises, as well as smudges of dirt. Beneath all that, however, he could see that she had changed very little, except perhaps to sharpen and refine her exquisite features. Her long, dark, coppery hair had apparently been caught up in an intricate bun, but was now disheveled. Having had her original clothing removed, she'd been dressed in a loose fitting linen gown. Even beneath its shapeless form he could see that her body had filled out in other ways, as well.  
   
His heart thudded painfully at the sight of her, and his hands began to shake. After a long struggle with his own personal demons, he had finally achieved some measure of peace within himself. Now, as he gazed down at her, he felt it all come rushing back to him. He felt overwhelmed by the flood of emotions surging up inside of him at the sight of her. He felt a strong sense of nostalgia, guilt, and the barest hint of something he remembered being love. But overlaying it all was a feeling of simmering anger that flared within him, unbidden.  
   
Then it struck him that she had been the only one to survive the explosion at the Conclave. She was currently the primary suspect in the deaths of hundreds, including some of the most prominent figures in Thedas. His heart wrenched as he struggled to imagine that she could have ever participated in such horrific act.  
   
He became uncomfortably aware of the fact that Cassandra and most of the guards were staring at him. Even Solas glanced up at him quizzically.  
   
Feeling himself blush, he cleared his throat. "Sorry." He dropped his gaze, and turned slightly. Collecting his thoughts, he looked up to find Cassandra's gazing at him with one brow arched, giving him a speculative look. "I know who our prisoner is, though it has been more than ten years since we last spoke."  
   
Cassandra put her hands on her hips, and huffed. "Well, this is quite the surprise. Alright, who is she?"  
   
He moved over to stand next to Cassandra, still looking back at the prison cell. "Her name is Valaina Lavellan. She was at Ferelden's Circle Tower at the same time I was. Shortly after the rebellion that took place during the Fifth Blight, she was transferred to Ostwick's Circle."  
   
"Interesting. Ostwick has been relatively peaceful compared to some of the other Circles. Would you know why she might have been involved with the explosion at the Conclave?" inquired Cassandra.  
   
He didn't respond at first, watching as Solas bent over Valaina. The elf held both hands over her left hand, working some kind of magic. Cullen shook his head firmly. For a moment, an image flashed in his mind. Valaina, cowering away from him, back pressed to a wooden door as he loomed over her. He recalled the terror in her eyes as she adamantly denied his claims that she might be tempted to resort to Blood Magic. A surge of guilt rose in him, and he clenched the pendant in his gloved hand. "No. She is the last person, Mage or otherwise, that I would ever expect to take part in such a horrific act."  
   
Cassandra raised one eyebrow. She seemed to consider his words for a moment before speaking again. "But you say it has been ten years since you last saw her. People can change quite a bit in that amount of time."  
   
He glanced down, opening his hand to gaze at the pendant once more. He sighed deeply. "I really don't think so, not in this case. However…I must concede that it is possible."  
   
At that moment, Solas jerked his hands back with a small grunt, and Cullen saw green light flare spasmodically from Valaina's left hand. He stared in shock, as Solas moved his hands back, exerting his own magic once again. Cullen had heard there was something strange with the prisoner, but he hadn't heard any details. Stepping forward once again, he stared down at the apostate elf. "What was that?!"  
   
Solas didn't look up as he responded. "That is what I am trying to figure out. Clearly it seems to be connected to the Breach in some way. However, I cannot determine how."  
   
Cullen watched for a moment, and saw more of the green light flickering and flaring from her hand. "Is she going to be alright?" he asked quietly.  
   
The elf shook his head slightly. "I fear if we do not find a way to stabilize the Mark, it may well spread far enough to kill her."

Cullen stared down at Valaina, as a million questions tumbled through his head. Why had she been at the Conclave? What was the Mark on her hand, and where did she get it? Could she really be guilty of playing a role in the devastation at the Conclave? He had been through a great deal in the last ten years, and it had changed him quite a bit. Could she have changed, as well? Could she actually be guilty of the crimes she was charged with? He sincerely doubted it, but he couldn't be certain. That uncertainty alone left him feeling unsettled.

He had to leave. If he stayed, he ran the risk of saying something that would color Cassandra's investigation. They needed facts, and not the speculation of someone who had known her a long time ago.

Shaking his head slightly, he stepped back to Cassandra's side. "I should get back to work. Do you need anything further from me?"

She considered it for a moment, then shook her head. "I do not believe so. You have given us more than we had already, and for that I am grateful. I will keep you informed when we learn more."

Cullen nodded curtly to Cassandra, before turning to leave. He was halfway down the hall before he realized he still had Valaina's pendant clutched tightly in his hand. He opened his hands, and stared down at it. In doing so, another flood of memories came back to him, shaking him to the core. He clenched his fingers around it, closing his eyes momentarily. Then he slipped the necklace into his pocket, before heading out of the Chantry, once again.  
 

* * *

   
Valaina came awake slowly, groaning softly. She felt battered and bruised from head to toe. Her mind felt fogged, and she struggled to focus her thoughts. She lay on her back on what felt like stretched canvas, like a cot. She opened her eyes slowly, squinting at her surroundings. The first thing she saw was a solid stone wall to her right. She blinked for a moment, before turning her head. To her left, she saw the iron bars of a prison cell. Behind the bars stood a half dozen men in varying types of armor, all helmed and watching her intently.  
   
They also all had weapons drawn, grips firm on the hilts. A couple held bows at the ready, aimed directly at her.  
   
A chill went through her at the sight, as it slowly dawned on her that she was being held prisoner. Without warning, a sharp pain flared in her left palm, surging up her arm. She cried out, curling around her hand, and only then became aware of the fact her wrists were shackled. A sickly green light surged and flared from her hand. After a few moments, the light eased, as did the pain.  
   
Watching the guards cautiously, she slowly sat up, uncertain how they might respond as she moved. There was no change in their stance, and they said nothing. She shifted to sit on the edge of the cot. When the guards still made no indication that they considered her an increased threat, she took a moment to gaze down at her hand.  
   
The shackles about her wrists were heavy, with a short, thick chain binding the two together. She twisted her left wrist so she could examine her hand. There was an angry green light slashing her palm, flickering sullenly. Suddenly, it flared once again, light bursting forth, along with a sharp pain. She winced back, gasping, as the pain surged up her arm, only to die away as quickly as it had come.  
   
The next moment, a nearby door banged open, and two women entered the prison. One was clad in black armor, a long sword strapped to her hip, as she stalked towards Valaina. The other entered more slowly, wearing a long chainmail shirt that was almost a dress, with a hood pulled up to frame her face.  
   
The first woman ordered the guards back, and opened the cell, moving to loom over Valaina. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now."  
   
Valaina stared at the woman in shock, swallowing hard. "I... What?"  
   
The woman began stalking back and forth in front of her, one hand resting with a firm grip on the hilt of her sword. "The Conclave has been destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you!" On the last word, she leaned down to bring her face within inches of hers. There was stark anger in her gaze, matching the unforgiving tone of her voice.  
   
Valaina felt a powerful chill go through her entire body as the woman's words sank in. She swallowed hard, her eyes wide with shock. "Wh-what do you mean, everyone is dead?"  
   
Without responding, the woman seized Valaina's wrist almost violently, holding it up for a moment. "Explain this!" she demanded, in a tone which brooked no argument.  
   
Valaina began to tremble as reality began to set in. Whatever had happened, they apparently believed she was responsible. Real fear set in as she thought of all the people who had been at the Conclave. If this woman was right, they had all been killed…and they held her responsible.  
   
She glanced at her hand briefly before responding. "I don't know what that is!"  
   
The woman seized her by the front of shirt, shaking her almost violently. "YOU'RE LYING!"  
   
Tears started in Valaina's eyes as real terror set in. The other woman stepped forward, pulling the first back. Valaina sagged against the cot, grateful for the reprieve.  
   
"We need her, Cassandra!" There was something hauntingly familiar about that woman's voice, but Valaina thoughts were in too much turmoil to recognize it properly. She stepped forward, taking Cassandra's place. "Do you remember what happened?" Her tone was still firm, but did not hold the same angry accusation that Cassandra's had.  
   
Valaina thoughts raced back, trying to remember what had happened prior to waking up here. She remembered being at the Conclave, watching the proceedings with her fellow Mages. After that, there was only a blur of confusing images flickering through her memory, making no sense. She shook her head slightly, trying to clear her thoughts. She began to speak as individual scenes flashed into her memory. "I was...running... Things were chasing me... And then...a woman? She reached out to me, but then..." She shook her head, unable to make sense of it all. The last image stood out starkly in her memory, of a robed woman, glowing brightly, and reaching out towards her.  
   
Cassandra stepped forward again and spoke briefly to the other woman. Valaina did not hear what they were saying, as she continued to try and sort out the confusing memories. Then Cassandra crouched down in front of her, and quickly began removing the shackles. She took a length of rope and bound her wrists together in place of the shackles. Valaina did not have the strength to struggle, even if she'd been inclined to.  
   
Cassandra hauled Valaina to her feet, and she wobbled for a moment. Once she regained her balance, the other woman began pulling her from the cell, urging her to start walking.  
   
Valaina stumbled down the long stone hallway, still feeling dazed and confused. "What did happen?" she dared to ask her captor.  
   
"It will be easier to show you," Cassandra responded, pushing her up a flight of stairs.  
   
Through the door at the top of the stairs, Valaina found herself in a small Chantry. A few people stood about the hall, and all turned to stare at her, some with open malice in their eyes. Cassandra continued to push her forward toward the large double doors at the far end.  
   
As they stepped outside, Valaina's gaze was immediately drawn to the sky.  
   
It looked like a massive storm cloud swirling slowly around the mountain peaks, except that it glowed an angry green. It was the same color as the light flaring in her hand. There was a gaping hole at the center of the storm, and thunder seemed to crackle through the air, echoing through the mountainous hills all around them. Massive fireballs spewed periodically from the storm, raining down on the ground far below, glowing the same ominous green.  
   
After a few moments, Cassandra spoke again. "We call it the Breach. It is a massive rift into the world of Demons that grows larger with each passing hour. It is not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave."  
   
Valaina stared at the woman in shocked horror. A particularly loud thunderclap issued from the Breach, and Valaina cried out in agony as the Mark on her hand flared and pulsed up her arm. She fell to her knees, hunched over, fighting back tears of pain.  
   
Cassandra knelt on one knee in front of her. "We do not know what caused the explosion, nor how it created the Breach. Each time it expands, your Mark spreads. It is our belief that if left unchecked, it will kill you."  
   
As the pain eased back once again, Valaina looked up, Cassandra's words sinking in. Her thoughts raced, wondering how she could have possibly had anything to do with the massive Breach swirling slowly over their heads. But she felt certain that Cassandra was correct. It felt as though the flaring Mark on her hand was barely contained, and at any moment it could surge upwards to consume her completely.  
   
Shaking her head slightly, glancing once again at the Breach, she met Cassandra's fierce gaze. "Do you really think I would do this to myself?"  
   
"Perhaps not intentionally. Something clearly went wrong."  
   
Valaina sat quietly for long moments, gathering her thoughts. She let out a deep sigh. "I am being absolutely honest when I say I have no idea how this happened. However, I know that you need more than my word, and that everything you have seen points to my guilt." She met Cassandra's gaze directly. "If there is anything you would have me do, which might help to prove my innocence, then I will gladly cooperate."  
   
Cassandra gazed intently at her for long moments, before giving a curt nod. "We believe your Mark may be the key to closing the Breach. Whether that's possible is something we shall discover shortly."  
   
She pulled Valaina back to her feet, and urged her to start walking again. As they passed through the village, Valaina saw people standing around with anxious expressions, gathered in small groups in urgent discussion. Many turned as she and Cassandra made their way down the main path. Every pair of eyes that fell on her held the same look of outrage. A shudder moved through her body as she realized how easily the crowd could turn into an angry mob. She picked up her pace, anxious to escape the threat that loomed heavily in the air.  
   
Soon they came to a stone bridge on the outskirts of the village. Cassandra brought Valaina to a halt and turned to face her. "Your Mark must be tested on something smaller than the Breach. I am going to cut you loose now, but do not even think of trying to escape." She glared at Valaina, who quickly nodded her understanding.  
   
With her hands unbound, Valaina rubbed at her wrists for a moment. She shook her hands, feeling the circulation return to normal. As Cassandra urged her forward once again, Valaina unconsciously reached up to touch her pendant, seeking the reassurance and comfort it had always brought her.  
   
It wasn't there.  
   
She froze, looking around frantically. "Where's my necklace?!"  
   
Cassandra gripped her shoulder hard, forcing her to calm down. "Your belongings are being held in the Chantry. When this is over, they may be returned to you."  
   
Valaina urged her hammering heart to calm down, and nodded in understanding. She felt vulnerable without it, but knew there was no point arguing the matter. She allowed herself to be prodded forward once again.  
   
Cassandra guided her along a well-worn track through the mountains. They passed soldiers standing guard along the outskirts of the village. Further on, several civilians passed going back towards the village, clearly panicked. She and Cassandra spoke little as they marched up the path.  
   
Valaina cried out as, once again, the Mark on her hand surged and flared, and she dropped to her knees. Cassandra came to her side, and helped her back to her feet. "We must hurry, it isn't much further." The pain once again receded, and Valaina nodded.  
   
They came to another stone bridge over a frozen river. As they began to cross, Valaina saw a flare of light out of the corner of her eye. There was no time to react as the huge green fireball struck the center of the bridge, blasting the stones apart. She cried out in shock, and felt herself tumbling through the air.  
   
She landed painfully among the rubble, snow, and ice. She felt dazed, wincing as she sat up, checking herself for injuries. Cassandra leapt to her feet, charging forward. "Stay behind me!"  
   
Valaina looked up, surprised, and saw the woman charging towards a demon, which was gliding across the frozen surface of the river. Cassandra drew the attention of the demon and swiftly engaged it.  
   
Valaina saw a black cloud burst from the surface of the ice directly in front of her, and another demon surged upwards. Her heart was in her throat, as it moved towards her. Cassandra had her back to Valaina, and was too far away to properly aid her.  
   
As she stumbled back, her foot ran into something, nearly causing her to trip. She glanced down, and saw a staff lying among a heap of weapons, which had tumbled out of a wagon from the bridge above. Without hesitation, she seized the staff, and leapt into action.  
   
After her experience in the Circle Tower rebellion, she had decided she never wanted to be caught unprepared again. She had taken a great deal of time to learn combative magic, and practiced whenever given the opportunity. She felt that training coming to her aid in that moment, as she whirled her staff and struck the ground. A burst of lightning sizzled down through the staff, arching across the ground, and surged upwards into the demon. She followed that by spinning the staff to point the tip towards the demon, and used it as a focal point to direct a burst of flame in the middle of the demon's chest.  
   
She continued in this vein, hurling spell after spell at the shade, until it sank back into the ice with a roar.  
   
She didn't get a chance to catch her breath before Cassandra was back, the point of her sword aimed at Valaina's chest. "Drop your weapon, NOW!"  
   
Valaina went very still, and carefully held the staff away from herself, prepared to drop it. She lifted her other hand, as though in surrender. Her heart was beating rapidly as she spoke carefully. "I will relinquish the staff if you insist on it. However, if we're going to be facing more demons, I would prefer to have the means to protect myself."  
   
Cassandra considered her words for long moments, before relaxing. She sighed, as she sheathed her sword. "You are right. While I will do my best to protect you, it would make things easier if you can help." Then her expression became stern, as she continued. "Know that if you betray me, I have the means to nullify your magic."

Valaina swallowed hard, wrapping both hands around the staff and holding it close. "Are you a Templar?"

"No. I am a Seeker," replied Cassandra.

Valaina didn't know as much about Seekers as she did Templars, but she was aware they had their own set of abilities to control Mages and Templars alike. "I understand," she said quietly.

Cassandra nodded curtly, before turning and continuing up the path, deeper into the mountains. It wasn't long before they encountered more demons. They quickly fell into an easy strategy with each group of demons they came to. Cassandra would charge into their midst and draw their attention, slashing at them with her sword, while blocking their physical attacks with her shield. Valaina spun her staff with increasing confidence, carefully aiming her spells to strike the demons. At times they came across ghostly shades that would hurl magical bolts, and she found she could quickly dispatch them with a few quick shots from her staff.  
   
Eventually they came to a stairway cut into a steep hillside. As they began their ascent, they caught the sound of battle ahead of them. Cassandra rushed ahead, calling out, "I can hear fighting! Hurry, we must help them!"  
   
Valaina picked up her pace as well. On reaching the top of the hill, they turned. She halted for just a moment as she took in the scene. Several men were fighting fiercely against a group of demons. Beyond them, a surging mass of green spikes hovered in the air, flaring and sparking. As she watched, a green beacon shot out, touching the ground nearby. A moment later, yet another demon rose up from that spot, and moved to join the fray.  
   
She felt the Mark on her palm flare, seeming to respond to the unusual anomaly. It wasn't quite as painful as the flares she had felt previously, and somehow it seemed as though the light from her hand had a life of it's own, trying to reach out and interact with the glowing green mass.  
   
Pushing aside her thoughts for the moment, Valaina raced forward to join the battle. Cassandra had already engaged two of the demons, fighting alongside several soldiers. A dwarf stood a bit further back, wielding the strangest crossbow Valaina had ever seen. In the other direction, she saw an elven Mage casting his own spells with expert grace and ease.  
   
She whirled her staff once again and hurled spell after spell at the enraged demons. They soon began to fall back, one by one, vanishing back into the Fade. As the last one fell, Valaina looked around quickly, checking to see if there were more that needed to be dealt with. Suddenly, the elven Mage seized her left wrist in a tight grip. "Quickly! Before more come through!"  
   
Startled, she stumbled forward as he dragged her towards the surging mass, and thrust her hand up towards it. She gasped as the light flared once again from her palm. A burst of green light connected between her palm and the anomaly, and the air was filled with a strange, crackling roar. Valaina winced, feeling the power of it pulling on her. She resisted against its pull, aided by the strength of the man gripping her wrist. Then she felt something snap, and the light from her hand burst. At the same moment, the anomaly vanished with the sound of a thunder clap.  
   
Valaina stumbled back, wincing and cradling her hand. "What was that?!"  
   
The man who had seized her hand relaxed his stance, as he turned to her. "That was a Rift, a tear in the veil between our world and the Fade. There are many such Rifts that have spawned after the Breach appeared in the sky."  
   
The feeling in her hand began to return, and she shook it a little, before examining her palm. "In that case, what just happened?"  
   
"The Mark you bear appears to be connected to the Breach. I theorized that it might be the key to closing the Rifts. It would seem that I was correct." He seemed unbearably smug to have his theories validated.  
   
Cassandra stepped up beside her. "Meaning that it could be used to close the Breach?"  
   
The elf nodded. "I believe so." He looked back at Valaina, his full lips curving in a playful smile. "It would seem you hold the key to our salvation."  
   
Valaina stared at him, her insides clenching nervously.  
   
She heard another voice speak from behind her. "Good to know! Here I thought we would be ass-deep in demons forever."  
   
Valaina turned to see the dwarf collapsing his crossbow, and slinging it over his shoulder. He looked up at Valaina, grinning. "Varric Tethras, at your service. Rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong." On the last he turned to Cassandra and winked at her, who glared at him, making a disgusted noise.  
   
"And I am Solas, if there are introductions to be made. I am pleased to see that you still live!" said the Mage.  
   
Valaina blinked at him, quizzically.  
   
"He means 'I kept that Mark from killing you while you slept'," said Varric.  
   
Finally finding her voice, she turned to Solas. "You seem to know more about this than most."  
   
"I have devoted my life to studying the Fade, and the spirits who dwell within. My studies have given me a great deal more insight than any Circle Mage might have on the subject," he said, his tone slightly boastful.  
   
Cassandra stepped up beside Valaina. "Unlike you, Solas is an Apostate."  
   
Solas smirked at her words. "Technically all Mages are Apostates now, Seeker."  
   
As the three of them began to banter back and forth, Valaina took a step back, trying to gather her thoughts. It was difficult for her to take in everything that had happened, and had yet to happen. Her insides fluttered anxiously as she looked down at her hand. It frightened her, not knowing what it was or how it got there. She remembered the faces of those she had accompanied to the Conclave, realizing with a painful jolt that they must all be dead. Everything seemed to be happening too fast for her to be able to keep up.  
   
She wished she could retreat to somewhere private, to give her time to process everything. But the Breach still whirled menacingly overhead, and the Mark on her hand continued to glow ominously. She wondered how much time she would have before it truly consumed her.  
 

* * *

   
   
With his helm head under one arm, Cullen strode into the hastily erected encampment of soldiers. He called out orders, and the men and women responded quickly, taking up their assigned positions. To one side, he saw bodies carefully laid out and wrapped in blankets. One of the Chantry Sisters moved among them, praying for the souls that had been lost.  
   
Moving forward, Cullen mounted the stairs that originally would have lead into the entrance of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Now, it opened onto a scene of destruction. He gazed out over the scene, rubble strewn everywhere, with fires still burning here and there. Soldiers moved about the area, gathering even more bodies.  
   
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. Reaching into his pocket, his gloved fingers curled around Valaina's pendant. His emotions were still in a turmoil, after seeing her again for the first time in over ten years. Having achieved some inner peace, all the shame, anger, regret, and longing had now come rushing back to him, strong as it ever had been. 

He knew she'd wake up eventually, knew it as surely as he knew his own sword. What he didn't know was how he would talk to her, or what he'd even say to her.

With a heavy sigh, he released the necklace and slipped his hand from his pocket. He had just turned to return to the encampment, when he heard a thundering crack behind him. He whirled, hand on the hilt of his sword.  
   
A rift had spawned only a short distance from where he stood. Even as he watched, several streams of green light touched the ground, and moments later a group of demons rose up from the rubble.  
   
Quickly donning his helmet, he roared out orders to his soldiers. Then he drew his own blade and shield before charging into the group of demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend Ciarasteina has decided to have some fun with her own story, [Indomitable Wills](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651996/chapters/8068851), by including Valaina! Consider it an alternate storyline, where Valaina ends up elsewhere. The Cullen in her story still lived through the experiences as I wrote them in this story, at the Circle Tower. Thus far, Valaina is only mentioned in passing. However, she and I have discussed this in detail, and we have ideas for where Valaina ends up. Just know that it will be a long time before she reaches that point in her story.
> 
> She has a very unique take on the DA:I storyline with her own Inquisitor, Ciara, and it's definitely worth a read!


	11. Wrath of Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra leads Valaina to the epicenter of the Conclave explosion, to see if she can close the Breach. Along the way, Valaina comes face to face with the last person she would have expected to encounter in the Frostback Mountains...
> 
> NOTE: This chapter was altered on June 5th, 2015. For those who read it previously, I have marked the changes in purple text to make them easier to spot. If the colored text bothers you, you can click "Hide Creator's Style" at the top of the page to set it back to the default setting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we move into the events of Dragon Age: Inquisition, I'm going into more detail, drawing a lot from what happens in the game. However, I am doing my best to keep it unique and interesting. I hope you all enjoy!

Cassandra lead the group deeper into the mountains, and with the addition of Solas and Varric, they were able to quickly clear the path of demons. There was some light hearted bantering going on between them, primarily instigated by Varric. Valaina appreciated the distraction, as it eased the tension she had been feeling from the moment she'd woken up in shackles.  
   
For the most part, she was silent as they travelled, and the others said little to her. Then Varric gave her a sidelong look. "So…rumor has it that you're from Ostwick. But your accent sounds Ferelden?"  
   
"I grew up near Honnleath," she responded.  
   
"How'd you end up in Ostwick?" he asked her, curiously.  
   
She flushed a little. "It's...a long story."  
   
"Well I'd love to hear it sometime. Perhaps later?" He grinned at her.  
   
A few moments later, the mark on her hand flared again. She gasped, stumbling to a stop, and grabbed her left wrist with her right hand. She gingerly flexed her hand as the flaring light eased back.  
   
"Shit... Are you alright?" Varric asked her with a worried frown.  
   
As the pain eased away, she gave her hand a little shake. "Yeah... I... I think I'm okay."  
   
Then Solas stepped up beside her. "My magic cannot stop your mark from growing further. For your sake, I suggest we hurry."  
   
She glanced up at him, then over at Cassandra, who nodded. As they set off again, they increased their pace.  
   
A short time later, as they jogged up a hill towards another of the stone bridges which zigzagged over the frozen river below, they caught the sound of more fighting. The mark on her hand flared to life, signaling the presence of another Rift nearby. Picking up her pace, she ran ahead, the others following suit.  
   
Another Rift pulsated menacingly just before the bridge, and a small group of soldiers fought to keep the demons from breaking through the nearby wooden doors. Catching sight of Valaina and her group, they called out, clearly becoming overwhelmed.  
   
Cassandra charged forward, while the rest began their own attacks. As Valaina hurled spells at the demons, she recalled how it had felt when Solas forced the Mark to interact with the prior Rift. Even as she continued casting her spells, she considered the sensation, and the way the Mark seemed to be pulling her towards this Rift, as well.  
   
Deciding to take preemptive action, she stepped forward and lifted her hand. The Mark on her palm instantly connected with the Rift, and she shifted her stance to keep from losing her balance as it pulled on her. The sound of it was a roar in her ears, and a moment later the connection snapped. The Rift gave a clap of thunder, and she stumbled back.  
   
It was still present, but it somehow seemed to be closed off. Then she noticed that all the demons in the area appeared to have been stunned. They no longer fought back as they reeled, as though struck by an invisible blow.  
   
Varric gave a whoop at the sight, and released a volley of bolts. The group was able to take down several of the demons, before the rest seemed to snap out of their stupor, and resumed their fight. With their numbers reduced, it was easy enough for them to take out the rest of the demons.  
   
As the last one fell, Valaina felt the Rift trying to open again. She stepped forward quickly, lifting her hand, and felt the now familiar surge as the Mark connected. She held herself fast against its pull, and a few moments later the connection snapped. The Rift exploded as it vanished.  
   
She sagged with her hands on her knees, breathing hard. Varric and Solas stepped up next to her, and the dwarf clap her on the back. "Whatever that thing on your hand is, it's useful!"  
   
Lifting her head, she gave him a wan smile. She was glad that she had found a way to use the Mark to help their situation, at least.  
   
Cassandra strode forward to speak with the guards, then beckoned Valaina forward. The gates were opened, and she could see soldiers had gathered on the bridge, with supplies scattered about. Midway across the bridge, a Chantry cleric stood next to a table, apparently arguing with the woman she had seen earlier in the dungeon. As they approached, he looked up and caught sight of Valaina.  
   
"Ah! Here they come." His tone was snide, unforgiving, and she was left with no doubt how he felt about her.  
   
"Chancellor Roderick, this is--" the woman started to speak.  
   
"I know who she is. I want her prepared for travel to Val Royeaux, where she will face execution!"  
   
Valaina felt her heart clench painfully, and she shrank back a bit. But Cassandra stepped forward to face him, and they began to argue heatedly. Whoever this man was, she quickly realized that he apparently did not have as much authority as he seemed to claim.  
   
Her eyes were drawn to the other woman. Her voice was hauntingly familiar, but Valaina couldn't quite place it. Then the woman turned her head, and she saw her face more clearly. Short red hair was visible just under the hood. Her expression was much more serious than Valaina remembered, but she clearly recalled her as the young lady who had waited with her as the Warden's group cleared the Circle Tower, during the rebellion. Valaina could not recall her name, however.  
   
The playful optimism she had recalled was gone from her expression, replaced by an intense scrutiny that missed nothing. She appeared to contemplate Valaina for a long moment, before being pulled back into the discussion.  
   
After a few more moments, she realized they were discussing the Breach, and debating which route they should take to reach it. Cassandra insisted that they should keep moving forward, and join the soldiers. The red headed woman argued that it might not be safe, and suggested they take a path through the mountains. Apparently that wasn't an ideal choice either, as they had lost contact with an entire squadron that had previously ventured up that path.  
   
Suddenly, Cassandra turned to regard Valaina. "How do you think we should proceed?"  
   
She stared at the three of them, bewildered. "Why are you asking me?"  
   
Solas spoke up behind her. "You are the one with the Mark, after all."  
   
Then Cassandra stepped forward, the edge in her voice softening slightly. "You are the one we must protect. Since we cannot decide on our own, we will leave the choice in your hands."  
   
Valaina stared at them each in turn, her mind going blank. She glanced upwards at the steep mountain path that had been suggested, and wondered if she had the strength to make the climb. She was already on the verge of exhaustion. "I'd rather join the soldiers, I think..."   
   
Her response was hesitant and uncertain, but Cassandra nodded decisively, as though taking her words as a command. "Leliana, bring everyone left in the valley. Everyone."  
   
Valaina's recognition of Leliana was confirmed on hearing her name, and she glanced over at her curiously. She seemed quite different now, but it was unmistakably her. Judging by the expression on the other woman's face, she was certain Leliana had recognized her as well. But given the current situation, there was neither accusation, nor understanding in her eyes. Valaina felt as though the red head was reserving her judgment of Valaina's guilt, perhaps until more information was available.  
   
As Cassandra led the way, Chancellor Roderick called after her, in a snide tone, "On your head be the consequences, Seeker."  
   
Valaina glanced over her shoulder one last time, shivering at the naked hatred in the man's eyes, before she hurried to follow Cassandra.  
   
As they drew nearer, she noticed massive rock spikes jutting up from the ground, as though blasted up and outwards from the ground. It took her a few moments to realize that the massive spikes gave mute evidence of the force of the explosion which had destroyed the Temple of Sacred Ashes. That realization caused her to stumble for a moment, in shock. Her eyes were drawn upwards, as the Breach whirled ominously far overhead, directly over the Temple. The sight of it filled her with dread, and her mind reeled as she once again tried to figure out how she had gotten caught up in everything that was happening.  
   
They came to another small encampment of soldiers, and looking ahead she saw a stone archway. It took a moment for her to recognize it as the main entrance to the Temple, which she had passed through only a few days ago. As they moved through the camp, she suddenly felt the Mark on her hand flare and pull again. They caught the sound of soldiers fighting, directly ahead.  
   
Their group charged forward, racing up the steps. Valaina saw the Rift pulsing just ahead, as several demons swarmed over the soldiers. She ran forward alongside Cassandra, hurling spells at the demons. Once she got close enough, she planted her feet squarely and lifted her hand. The beam of light connected once again, and she grunted as it exerted a powerful pull on her. She held it steady, and moments later it burst. It snapped closed temporarily, still surging ominously above them.  
   
With the demons momentarily weakened, the man who apparently led the soldiers started barking out orders, urging his men to redouble their efforts against the stunned demons. At the sound of his voice, Valaina turned sharply to stare at him, momentarily forgetting her surroundings. The tone of his voice and his accent conjured up a flood of memories which made her heart ache. She searched for some other feature that might identify him, briefly wondering if she was imagining things.

His armor was like nothing she had seen before. His chest plate gleamed, reflecting the green light from the Rift. Dark red fabric was wrapped around his shoulders and waist, accented with gold thread. Thick, dark fur shrouded his shoulders and back. To complete his look, his helmet had been shaped like a lion's head.  
   
Slicing his sword through one of the demons, he turned in her direction. She couldn't make out his eyes, but their gaze seemed to lock for a moment. Then he was charging towards her. "Look out!"  
   
Startled, she ducked at the last moment. He drove his blade through the demon that had been coming up behind her.  
   
Chastising herself for allowing herself to get distracted, she gripped her staff and resumed fighting. She tried not to think about the man swinging his blade beside her, nor of whom he reminded her of.  
   
As the last demon fell she whirled around. Lifting her hand, she activated the Mark's connection with the Rift. A few moments later there once again came a thunder clap as it snapped closed.  
   
This time, however, it did not vanish. She stared at it, confused. The prior Rifts had all closed after the demons had been destroyed. More beams of light shot out from it, touching the ground in several places around them.  
   
"Here comes more of them, be ready!" shouted the lion-helmed man.  
   
As the demons surged up from the ground, everyone flew into action, fighting them back. She kept one eye on the Rift, and when it seemed to weaken once again, she lifted her hand to it. A moment later, the demons reeled senselessly, and the soldiers quickly finished them off.  
   
Praying desperately that this time it would close completely, she stepped forward and thrust her hand upwards. The malevolent green beam of light connected with her palm, and she grimaced at its pull. Then, a few moments later, it closed with another thunder clap. It seemed to shatter as it vanished, and in its wake she heard the air around her sizzling for a few moments.  
   
Breathing hard, she leaned over once again with her hands on her knees. She felt completely exhausted by her efforts, and wondered when it would all end.  
   
Solas stepped up beside her, smiling. "Sealed, as before. You are becoming quite proficient at this."  
   
Then Varric was on her other side, gazing up at the Breach overhead. "Let's just hope it works on the big one!"

Cassandra moved to speak with the man leading the soldiers. Valaina looked up, her heart beating rapidly as she stared at him. He spoke quietly with Cassandra, as they updated each other on the situation. Then Cassandra turned, motioning to Valaina.

"Our prisoner has been cooperative thus far. As you've just seen, she has the ability to close the Rifts. It is our hope that she might be able to close the Breach, as well," Cassandra commented.

The man turned to look at her, his eyes barely visible through the open mouth of his lion-helm. He hesitated for a moment, before reluctantly reaching up to pull off his helmet. His expression was solemn as he met her gaze, honey brown eyes filled with uncertainty. His golden hair had been swept back, the curls more evident after being confined under his helmet.

Valaina felt numb as she stared at him, and found herself matching details of his features to memories of him from his younger days. She felt an unexpected pang of sorrow to see how much he had aged. There were lines around his eyes and mouth that had not been there before. He no longer trimmed his facial hair in a goatee, but the dark stubble along his jaw gave him a rugged appearance that made her insides flutter. Her fingers twitched with an overwhelming desire to trace the scar over his lip, and she wondered how and when he had acquired it. Her heart ached to realize how much he had likely gone through in their years apart.

Cullen looked away uncomfortably, blushing slightly. She dropped her gaze, feeling incredibly awkward. She saw Varric eyeing both of them speculatively, one brow arched. His lips were curved with a knowing look, which made her blush even more.

Cassandra stood with her hands on her hips, her brow arched in impatient curiosity. "I understand you have met Commander Cullen, before?"

She glanced up, and their eyes met briefly. For a moment, she thought she saw a look of anxiety in his eyes. It made her heart ache even more, and suddenly she felt as though she were back in the Circle Tower, after the rebellion. She had long since come to terms with what happened, so she hadn't been prepared for the surge of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her on seeing him again.

Valaina cleared her throat a little, trying to force herself to be calm, and nodded. "It's…good to see you again, Cullen," she said quietly.

He looked up, but hesitated before responding with a simple "You, too." Then he turned to Cassandra. "The way to the temple should be clear. Leliana will try to meet you there." Valaina recognized his shift in mood all too well, as he avoided his personal feelings by focusing on his duties.

Her thoughts continued racing, as Cassandra turned to their small group, and began ushering them onwards. Valaina glanced back just in time to see Cullen look up, and she saw the pain in his eyes, before he looked away.  
 

* * *

   
Cullen's heart was thudding painfully in his chest. He couldn't meet her gaze. No matter how hard he tried, he could only look into those glorious green eyes for a few moments, before he had to look away.

It was one thing to see her unconscious, and unaware of his presence. It had been something else entirely to meet with her face to face, and see her expression the first time their eyes met. Memories and emotions surged unbidden within him. Overlaying the woman before him were images of her cowering away from him in fear, mingled with memories of the demon posing as her, tormenting him. He struggled to dispel the visions, and to maintain some semblance of calm.

He felt her pendant weighing heavily in his pocket. He knew he should return it to her, but somehow couldn't bring himself to do it, particularly in front of everyone else. The scrutiny and speculation he saw in their expressions was already making him feel all the more awkward and uncomfortable.

Her greeting to him had been simple, but somehow carried a great weight with it. He knew it was only a matter of time before she would seek him out to speak more, and anxiety surged up inside of him. He could only respond with a simple "You too," cringing inwardly at the almost dismissive tone of his voice.

Seeking an escape as quickly as possible, he shoved his feelings aside and turned to Cassandra. They conferred for a few more moments, before the group turned to depart. He turned back to his men, calling out orders, falling back into his role as Commander.

He glanced over his shoulder once, and saw Valaina watching him. His anxiety surged up inside of him again, before he shoved it away with an internal growl of frustration, and looked away. 

* * *

   
   
Solas watched curiously as the ex-Templar jogged away from them, returning to his duties. It was clear that the two of them knew each other, and he wondered what their history together might have been.  
   
Valaina had been a mystery to him from the moment he saw her. The Mark on her hand had consumed his curiosity, as he strove to understand what it was, and what purpose it might have. But there were other details about her that puzzled him.  
   
He had heard her given name was Lavellan, which seemed to indicate her family had close ties to one of the Dalish clans. However, she did not bear the Vallaslin, and had clearly been trained within a Circle of Magi. He wondered how long ago her family had parted from the clan, and whether she had learned much of Elven history.

With everything she had endured in the past few days, she seemed rather frail and vulnerable. He sensed that a great deal more would be asked of her, and that her trials were only just beginning. He was rather surprised at the concern he felt for her, as he wondered if she would be able to pull through. He told himself his concern was primarily due to the overwhelming task that lay ahead, as there were reports of Rifts scattered far and wide which would need to be closed.

As he had studied the Mark on her hand, he had sensed an unforeseen power inside of her, latent, but strong. Was it from the Mark? Or inherent to her, but buried beneath a lifetime of Chantry edicts? Either way he felt certain that, given the opportunity, she would likely prove herself to be more than up to the task.  
   
The more he watched her, the more he wondered how she might have ended up with the Mark. She seemed to be a complete innocent, thrown into the center of chaos. He felt a keen interest in seeing how she would handle the challenges ahead.  
  

* * *

   
As they approached the epicenter of the blast area, Valaina had to fight the urge to retch. Bodies lay everywhere, twisted and mangled, burned beyond recognition. She tried not to think about what she was seeing, to focus instead on what was being asked of her. They stepped up to a railing, looking out over the center of the blast site, where a stone tower somehow remained standing. In front of the tower was a large Rift, like those they had encountered previously. Unlike the others, this one seemed to be closed.  
   
Her eyes were drawn upward towards the Breach. Standing directly beneath it, she felt overwhelmed by the vast size of it. Her mind reeled as she wondered how she could possibly go about closing it.  
   
Hearing noises behind them, they turned, and saw Leliana running up to them, soldiers just behind her. "You're here! Thank the Maker."  
   
Cassandra and Leliana began giving orders to the soldiers. Then Cassandra turned to Valaina. "This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?"  
   
Valaina swallowed hard, trying to hold back her fear and panic. "I…I'll try. But I have no idea what to do."  
   
Then Solas stepped up beside her, motioning towards the Rift next to the tower. "This Rift was the first, and it is the key. Seal it, and perhaps we seal the Breach."  
   
She felt her panic easing back, as she eyed the Rift, and nodded. Their group set out around the perimeter of the crater, looking for a way down. Suddenly they heard a deep voice booming out, echoing around the area. "Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice."  
   
Valaina froze, whirling towards the voice, which seemed to emanate from the Rift itself.  
   
Cassandra had also tensed, hand on her weapon, looking around. "What are we hearing?"  
   
"At a guess? The person who created the Breach," Solas replied in a calm voice, seemingly unperturbed.  
   
They continued onward, and soon came across numerous glowing red rocks. Varric hissed sharply, and Valaina glanced over her shoulder to see him shying away from them. "You know this stuff is red Lyrium, Seeker?"  
   
"I see it, Varric," replied Cassandra.  
   
He shook his head, and as they moved past a large cluster, he skirted around it cautiously. "But what's it doing here?"  
   
Solas considered it for a moment. "Magic could have drawn on Lyrium beneath the temple, corrupting it."  
   
Varric grunted. "It's evil. Whatever you do, don't touch it."  
   
Valaina eyed the stuff cautiously, before moving on. They came to a partially collapsed stairway, leading down towards the center of the crater. Suddenly, the booming voice rang out again. "Keep the sacrifice still." The sound of the voice sent an inexplicable shudder of fear through her.  
   
As they descended into the center of the crater and drew near the Rift, the Mark on her hand flared sharply. She winced, raising her hand to look into the vividly pulsating green light, before it died down again. She did not feel the same pull she had felt near the other Rifts, but there was a strange sort of expectant feel about it. It was as though it were a living thing in her hand, ready to respond the moment she called upon it.  
   
Suddenly, a new voice echoed through the area, this time a woman. "Someone, help me!"  
   
Then Valaina felt stunned to hear her own voice, calling out urgently. "What's going on here?!"  
   
Cassandra moved up beside her, eyes wide in surprise. "That was your voice. Most Holy called out to you, but..."  
   
Before Valaina could make sense of anything, there was a strange flash, and her mind was filled with a hazy vision. She saw the Divine being held by some strange force, arms spread wide and suspended in the air. A menacing shadow loomed over her, its figure distorted. Then she saw herself running into the scene, once again calling out "What's going on here?!"  
   
The Divine turned her head, calling out. "Run while you can! Warn them!"  
   
Then the dark figure turned. "We have an intruder." It raised one clawed hand, pointing at the figure of Valaina. "Slay the elf."  
   
Just as quickly as it had come, the vision vanished, causing Valaina to reel slightly. She shook her head a little, her mind struggling to grasp what she had just seen. Glancing around, she noticed that she apparently hadn't been alone in seeing the vision.  
   
Cassandra stepped in front of Valaina, anger etched in her features. "So you _were_ there!" It was clear that she believed Valaina had been lying, previously. "Who attacked?! And the Divine, is she... Was this vision true? What are we seeing?"  
   
Valaina's insides clenched, and she held her ground. She was confused, exhausted, and tired of trying to answer questions when she herself did not know the answers. "I swear to you, I don't remember!"  
   
Cassandra glared at her. Then Solas stepped up beside them, exuding calmness. "These are echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds into this place." His words had the effect of redirecting Cassandra's attention. Valaina, too, looked back up at the Rift, as Solas continued to speak. "The Rift is not sealed, but it is closed, albeit temporarily. I believe that with the Mark, the Rift can be opened. Then perhaps it can be sealed properly, and safely. However, opening the Rift will likely attract attention from the other side."  
   
Cassandra tensed. "That means demons." She turned towards the soldiers. "Stand ready!"  
   
The soldiers spread out around the edge of the crater. Some moved in to stand beside Valaina and the others, while archers positioned themselves on higher ground. Leliana drew her bow, moving to stand nearby.  
   
Valaina looked back up at the Rift, swallowing hard. Then she glanced towards Cassandra, who gave her a curt nod. Taking a deep breath and exhaling, Valaina shifted her stance, planting her feet squarely. Then she lifted her left hand towards the Rift. She felt the pull of it, responding to her movement. Activating the Mark, it flared to life once again. Moments later, the Rift tore open, and a single beam of light shot out to touch the ground behind them. With a tremendous roar, an enormous demon rose up from the ground.  
   
Cassandra called out to the soldiers, and they immediately responded. They swarmed around the monster, engaging it in battle. Arrows flew down to strike it from overhead. Valaina, Solas, and Varric joined in the fray with their own attacks.  
   
The fighting was intensely fierce, as the demon tossed soldiers aside like rag dolls. Valaina realized that their attacks seemed to be having little effect on it, and somehow it was being protected by the Rift itself. She turned towards it and lifted her hand, once again activating the Mark. The beam of light connected, surging through her for several moments. When it snapped, the enormous demon sagged down to one knee.  
   
"Now! While it's vulnerable!" cried out Cassandra. The soldiers redoubled their attack.  
   
Valaina kept one eye on the Rift as she launched her own spells at the demon. Whenever she felt the Rift surge, she would turn and activate the Mark, weakening the demon further. Smaller demons began to appear periodically, and seemed to recognize her as their primary threat. Solas, Varric, and Leliana all took action to protect Valaina from them, before once again engaging their main target.  
   
She lost track of how many times she had triggered the Mark, interacting with the Rift. She felt as though she was running on pure adrenaline, sure that if she stopped she would likely collapse. She could see that the large demon was injured and slowly weakening, but it continued its ferocious onslaught.  
   
After what felt like an eternity, as her vision was becoming blurred by exhaustion, she saw the demon sink to its knees on the verge of defeat. As the soldiers worked to finish it off, Valaina turned towards the Rift one last time. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand, and triggered the Mark.  
   
The harsh green light connected, sizzling in the air, and she felt as though it was consuming her completely. Even as she struggled against the pull of it, trying desperately to close it, a thought flickered through her mind that this might well be the end for her. On the heels of that thought came the memory of Cullen, gazing at her with so much uncertainty. She didn't want things to end that way! Desperately, she sent up a silent prayer, and focused her entire being on forcing the Rift to close.  
   
With a deafening crack of thunder, the connection snapped, and Valaina fell back, grunting on impact as she hit the ground. She opened her eyes just in time to see an enormous ball of green fire rising up to connect with the Breach. Then came a tremendous explosion. It was followed immediately by a powerful shockwave, which banished the last of her coherent thoughts, thrusting her consciousness into darkness.


	12. Inquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaina wakes up back in Haven, and meets with Cassandra and Leliana. Cullen waits for her after the meeting, hoping to have a chance to talk with her properly, at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks once again to DeviantRhapsode and Ciarasteina, as well as Skoomakins and Tracie for all of the excellent feedback and proofreading!
> 
> NOTE: This chapter was altered on June 5th, 2015. For those who read it previously, I have marked the changes in purple text to make them easier to spot. If the colored text bothers you, you can click "Hide Creator's Style" at the top of the page to set it back to the default setting.

Cullen sat up in bed gasping, his heart pounding erratically. It took a few moments for him to recognize that he had been dreaming…again. With a groan, he lay back in bed, throwing an arm across his eyes. The nightmares were getting worse. He knew they would, but that didn't make things any easier. 

Once he felt calm again, he slowly sat up. Reaching over to the window, he pulled back the curtain slightly. It was still a couple hours before dawn, but he was certain he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. He pulled off his nightclothes, and began donning his regular clothes and armor.

As he shrugged into his overcoat, his eyes fell on the gold pendant laying on his table, next to his gloves. He hesitated for a moment before gently picking it up and laying it in his palm. He sat down slowly on the edge of his bed, staring at the relief of Andraste. Memories flashed through his mind, remembering when he had first given it to Valaina. He remembered how much pride and joy he'd felt whenever he saw her wearing it.

His heart ached for all that had been taken from him in such a cruel and sadistic way. He had lost something precious to him, and he didn't feel he could ever regain what had been stolen from him. With trembling fingers, he turned the pendant over and read the words engraved on the back. It bore mute evidence of a time when he had been pure and clean. A time when he hadn't felt so much anger, when he hadn't been haunted by nightmares.

Clenching his eyes shut, he closed his fingers around the pendant, and lowered his head to press against his fist. He felt tears sting the corners of his eyes, and a pained anguish welling up inside of him. He knew he should return the necklace to Valaina, but he couldn't bring himself to let go of it. Despite the painful reminders it brought back to him, it also held cherished memories of a time when his life had been filled with joy.

Slipping the chain over his head, he tucked the necklace under his shirt. He swore to himself he would return it to her as soon as possible. But in the meantime, he felt a strange reassurance as he felt the weight of it against his skin. It had carried the Maker's blessing for Valaina for all those years. He hoped that, in some way, it might offer him some of the same solace and comfort.  
 

* * *

   
Valaina regained consciousness slowly, becoming more aware of her surroundings a little at a time. The room she was in was very quiet, but in the distance she could hear swords clashing. There was a rhythmic quality to it, and she realized it was not the sound of battle, but rather that of men practicing.  
   
She heard someone enter, and opened her eyes to look around. The room was small, with simple furnishings. She was lying in a comfortable bed, covered by a thick blanket. A young elven woman had just entered the room, carrying a wooden box. Valaina lifted herself up on one elbow, rubbing her brow. That slight movement startled the girl, who let out a cry, dropping the box. She thought she heard breaking glass from inside the box as it hit the floor.  
   
The young lady backed away, nervously. "I didn't know you were awake, I swear!"  
   
Valaina sat up a bit more, and noticed that someone had changed her clothing, so she was wearing a warm night gown. She looked up at the girl, who seemed inordinately nervous. "It's alright, I haven't been awake long."  
   
The elf sank down to her knees, and bent low in a gesture of subservience. Valaina stared at her, uncertain what to make of her response. "I beg your forgiveness, and your blessing. I am but a humble servant."  
   
She was utterly baffled to be addressed in such a manner. Pushing back the covers, she swung her legs over to sit on the edge of the bed. "Where am I?" she asked softly.  
   
"You're back in Haven, my Lady. They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing, just like the Mark on your hand. It's all anyone has talked about for the last three days," the young lady said, nervously.  
   
Everything that had happened came flooding back to Valaina. She had been certain she was about to die, but apparently she had survived, after all. She lifted her left hand and stared at her palm. The Mark flared briefly, as though responding to her thoughts. It no longer caused her pain, but was instead a strong tingling of the nerves in her hand.  
   
She thought of the massive Breach that had loomed ominously in the sky. "You said the Breach...stopped growing? Does that mean it's still there?"  
   
"Yes, my Lady. It's still there, but everyone says that we're safe now!" she responded. Then she scrambled back to her feet, backing away almost as though in fear. "I'm certain Lady Cassandra would want to know you've wakened. She said, at once!"  
   
Valaina rose from the bed, then. "Where is she?"  
   
"In the Chantry, with the Lord Chancellor. At once, she said!" Then the girl dashed out of the room. On opening the door, a gust of cold air blew into the room, making Valaina shiver, before the door slammed shut again.  
   
She stared around the room once again, and spotted her belongings on a table nearby. Her robes had been laundered, and the staff she had brought with her to the Conclave had been returned to her. Slipping out of the night gown it felt good to slip on her old, familiar robes.

In an automatic gesture born from years of habit, she touched the spot between her breasts where the necklace Cullen had given her should be. Realizing she didn't have it on, she began frantically searching through the items on the table. Not seeing it among her belongings, she extended her search to nearby surfaces, and searching the floor.

Panic seized her as she began to realize it was nowhere to be found. Why had it not been returned? Could someone have possibly stolen it? The idea that someone could have taken something so precious to her out of some kind of materialistic greed filled her with anger. She couldn't bear the thought that she might not see it again!

Then she wondered if Cassandra might know why it wasn't among her belongings, that perhaps there might be some alternate explanation. Suppressing her anger and panic, she seized her staff and made for the door.  
   
On opening the door to the cabin, she shivered slightly in the cool mountain air. Then she froze, startled at what she saw, distracting her from concerns regarding her lost necklace. Soldiers stood on either side of the door, apparently on guard. Ahead of her, the path was lined with people. Many of them were staring at her. She was vividly reminded of her last trip through this same village, with the crowd on the verge of becoming an angry mob. She was about to slam the door shut and retreat back inside, when it occurred to her that the mood was drastically different, this time.  
   
There was no anger or hatred in their eyes. This time, they looked at her with respect and admiration. Some of them even looked in awe of her. There were a few who gave her uncertain looks, but even they didn't seem to be hostile. The sight of them, coupled with the young elven girl's response, left Valaina feeling utterly confused.  
   
Trying to fend off the nervous fluttering in her stomach, she made her way down the path. She heard people murmuring around her. All were clearly discussing her, though none addressed her directly. Most of them were speaking low enough that she couldn't make out what they were saying. But a few words stood out to her, such as "Breach", "Herald", and "Andraste".  
   
She felt her cheeks heating up as all eyes were on her, and lengthened her stride. She saw the Chantry in the distance, the largest building in the village, and hurried up the path towards it. A gathering of Chantry Sisters stood outside, also murmuring to each other as they stared at her. Stepping inside, she glanced around. The main room was largely empty, but she heard raised voices coming from the other end. She recognized one of them as Cassandra.  
   
As she approached the door, she hesitated. Chancellor Roderick was arguing heatedly with the Seeker, and it only took moments for Valaina to realize that they were talking about her. Her heart quailed as she realized he was demanding that she be taken to Val Royeaux, to be placed on trial.  
   
Cassandra's next words took Valaina by surprise. "I do not believe she is guilty." There was a firm conviction in her voice, and it lifted Valaina's spirits considerably. The two continued to argue for several moments, as Cassandra insisted that she believed in Valaina's innocence.  
   
Realizing that she was eavesdropping on their conversation, and anxious to inquire about her necklace, Valaina knocked hesitantly on the door to alert them of her presence. On entering the room, she saw Leliana was also with them. They were gathered around a large wooden table with a map spread out over its surface.  
   
Guards were stationed on either side of the door, and Roderick immediately barked orders at them. "Chain her! I want her prepared to travel to the capital for trial!"  
   
She turned apprehensively to look at the guards, but Cassandra immediately ordered them to disregard the order and leave. The two men saluted smartly, turned, and left the room. Valaina turned back to the other three, as Roderick and Cassandra continued their argument.  
   
"The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat," said Cassandra. "I will not ignore it." She then looked over at Valaina, who felt bolstered by the presence of the warrior's strength and conviction.  
   
"I did everything I could. I was prepared to die, if it meant closing the Breach. In fact, I was certain it would kill me," she said quietly.  
   
"And yet you still live, and the Breach remains! A convenient result, if you ask me," sneered Roderick.  
   
Then Leliana stepped in. "Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave. Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others...or have allies who yet live." She turned her fierce gaze on the man, clearly implying that he might have had something to do with it.  
   
He gawked at her. " _I_ am a suspect?!"  
   
"You, and many others!" said Leliana, glaring fiercely.  
   
Roderick returned her glare, his temper rising. "But _not_ the prisoner?"  
   
As the three continued to argue about the situation, Valaina remained quiet. She wondered just how much influence Chancellor Roderick would have, and whether there still remained a chance that she would be arrested, regardless of Cassandra and Leliana's opinion. But it felt good to hear the two defending her innocence.  
   
Cassandra moved over and picked up a large, thick book. Carrying it to the table, she slammed it down, then placed her hand on top of it. "You know what this is, Chancellor? A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn."  
   
Valaina watched Cassandra speculatively, curious as to what she meant. Clearly it had significance, judging by the woman's tone of voice. Then she stalked towards Roderick, conviction and determination in every line of her expression. "We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order. With or without your approval!"  
   
Roderick continued to glare at her for several moments, his jaw clenched. He turned his glare on Leliana, and then on Valaina. Then, without saying another word, he stalked out of the room, slamming the door violently behind him.  
   
Valaina felt breathless after his departure. She was certain she hadn't heard the last from the man.  
   
Leliana spoke, placing one gloved hand on the book. "This is the Divine's directive: Rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos." Her voice was calm and determined, which helped to ease the tension in the room. For a brief moment there was a look of grief in her eyes, before she looked up again, her gaze steely and firm. "We aren't ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support. But we have no choice: we must act now. With you at our side."  
   
Valaina's insides fluttered at the expectant look the two women were giving her. Were they really asking her to join this "Inquisition"? Questions raced through her mind. She lifted her left hand, staring at her palm. The Mark wasn't visible just then, but she could feel the power of it lying dormant, just waiting to be summoned once again. After a few moments, she looked up again. "This…Inquisition… What is it you're trying to do, exactly?"  
   
It was Cassandra who answered. "At this time, we have three goals. First, we must find a way to close the Breach, as well as deal with the Rifts that remain scattered across the lands. Second, we need to find out who is responsible for the explosion at the Conclave. But most importantly, we must find a way to end the war between Templars and Mages. That is our primary goal. For that, we must gather together those who would help to restore order in Thedas, and unite them under one banner."  
   
Valaina felt as though a great weight had been placed on her shoulders, as she considered the magnitude of what they were proposing. She recalled how she had felt, shortly before departing Ostwick. She was certain that any role she might play in helping to resolve the situation would be minor, at best. Now she felt as though she were being thrust into the very center of chaos, tasked with helping to make sense of it all. "What is it you would have me do?" she asked, apprehensively.  
   
"The Breach remains, and your Mark is still our only hope of closing it," said Leliana. "However, we have no intention of holding you here against your will. If you prefer not to be a part of this, then you are free to go."  
   
Before Valaina could respond, Cassandra spoke up. "You should know that there are many who believe that you were, sent to us by the Maker in our time of need. But there remain many who still think you are guilty. The Inquisition can only protect you if you are with us."  
   
"We should also be able to help _you_. In time, we may be able to determine how you acquired the Mark in the first place," commented Leliana.  
   
Cassandra's voice softened slightly, perhaps sensing Valaina's unease. "It will not be easy if you stay, but we will work together to find the solutions we need. And you cannot pretend this has not changed you."  
   
Valaina remained quiet for several moments, her head bowed, as she considered everything they had said. She felt deeply apprehensive about what the future held for all of them. Briefly, she considered the alternative, of leaving all of it behind and finding her own way. She remembered the reactions of the villagers the first time she had encountered their hostility. She wasn't prepared to embark on her own, and potentially encounter that kind of hostility without anyone to give her support.  
   
Her thoughts turned to Cullen. Cassandra had referred to him as Commander, not as Knight-Commander. Did that mean he was no longer with the Templars? His armor certainly hadn't been the traditional Templar uniform. He had also been leading the soldiers, who certainly didn't seem to be Templars. She wondered how much she would end up having to work with him, if they were both serving this "Inquisition". So many questions flooded her mind, and she felt a keen desire to speak with him. She yearned to know what had transpired for him in the last ten years.

She gazed down at her hand once again, and the Mark flared briefly. She still couldn't remember how she had acquired it, and why. But above all else, it felt as though her destiny had been altered, as though a great task had been set before her, whether she liked it or not.  
   
Feeling both apprehensive and determined, she closed her hand and looked up, meeting Cassandra's gaze. "I will do whatever I can to help." 

Cassandra extended her hand, and Valaina captured it, returning the firm handshake. "It is good to have you on board with us," the warrior commented.

Valaina smiled in return, before suddenly remembering the other reason she'd come to see Cassandra. "One other thing…please tell me you know where my necklace is?" She couldn't stop the pleading tone of her voice, nor the anxious fluttering in her stomach.

Cassandra frowned, glancing at Leliana, who looked at Valaina in concern. "That is odd, all of your belongings should have been returned to you. It wasn't with them?"

Valaina shook her head mutely, tears stinging her eyes as her worst fears seemed to be realized. 

Leliana looked at Cassandra again, who appeared to be baffled. Then she stepped close to Valaina, laying her hand on her shoulder. "Would this be the same necklace you we wearing when we first met?"

Valaina nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

Leliana sighed deeply, squeezing Valaina's shoulder gently. "I know how much the necklace means to you. I will begin searching for it at once. I promise I will not rest until I track it down."

Valaina looked up then, meeting Leliana's blue eyes. Of anyone besides Cullen, she realized Leliana would be the one person in Haven who would know just how much the necklace meant to her. She smiled tremulously, grateful for the reassurance. "Thank you, Leliana."  
 

* * *

    
Cullen stood at the center of the training yard, intently watching the soldiers practicing as they learned how to block attacks with their shields. Occasionally he would call out instructions, correcting someone's stance, or adjusting how their shields were being held. The air was filled with the sound of swords clashing against wood and metal, and he strode up and down between their ranks, hands behind his back.  
   
He was doing his best to keep his mind focused on training the soldiers under his command. He knew they would be facing battle all too soon, and wanted to ensure they stood the best chance for survival. Despite his determination, however, his thoughts kept drifting off as he wondered how he was going to handle working with Valaina.

Cassandra had come down to the practice yard a few hours prior, to let him know that Valaina had agreed to join their cause. Since then, he had seen her moving about Haven, speaking with a few of the locals, and visiting with the Blacksmith, Harritt. She had glanced his way a few times, and he thought he saw a speculative look in her eyes, but he avoided looking at her directly.

He knew he couldn't avoid her forever. His emotions were in turmoil. He wanted to speak with her, if only to ease the tension he felt. There was a great deal of work ahead for both of them, and things would be difficult enough. But he struggled to find a way to tamp down his flashbacks and emotions, so that he might be able to work with her without his past hindering him.

As he continued on his path up and down the training yard, he glanced up and saw her standing near the shore of the frozen lake. Her long hair had been caught up in an intricate braid to keep it bound to the back of her head and out of her way. It looked as though Harritt had provided her with new equipment, as she was clad in a soft leather jacket. It had been dyed a shade of green, which emphasized the color of her eyes. 

She was watching him, expectantly. He froze in his tracks, anxiety surging up inside of him as their eyes met. He felt uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny of her gaze, and fought against the urge to turn and flee.

Then she moved one hand to touch her wrist. The action brought with it a flood of memories, of the secret signals they had once shared at the Circle Tower. He was somewhat surprised to find that those memories did not carry the same feelings of anxiety that most of his memories of her held. He stared at her for long moments, caught up in that realization. Then he dropped his gaze, anxiety returning as he wondered if he really felt prepared to meet with her alone. Closing his eyes for a moment , he took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Glancing back up at her, he gently touched his wrist in response. She nodded, her lips curving in a slight smile, before walking out of sight behind an embankment.

With his heart in his throat, he turned, and called out orders to one of his Lieutenants to continue overseeing the training. Then he headed towards the lake, his feet feeling like lead, and the weight of the necklace heavy around his neck.  
 

* * *

Valaina sat down on one of the large rocks, out of sight from the training yard, as she waited for him. She tried to still her rapidly beating heart by taking slow, deep breaths. She needed to get things out in the open with him. Judging by the way he seemed to avoid looking at her, she suspected he needed it as well. She sent up a silent prayer to the Maker, pleading for some way to resolve the tension between them.

A few moments later, she heard the heavy tread of his footfalls, and he came around the bend in the path. He came to a stop several feet from her. She didn't look up at him, but out of the corner of her eye she could see him watching her with a look of uncertainty.

She tried to think of something to say, but her thoughts flitted from one question to the next erratically. Finally, she spoke softly. "So…I guess we'll be working together now."

He looked away from her then, gazing out over the frozen lake. "I suppose so. Do you…I mean…" He floundered for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you going to be alright with that?"

Her lips curved in a slight smile, still staring down at the toes of her new boots. "I am, if you are." She looked up, and saw the anxious look in his eyes, before he turned from her. He stood with his back to her, his head bowed, both hands resting on the hilt of his sword.

She wanted to reach out to him, to put her hand on his arm and turn him back. But instinctively she knew he needed his space, and she realized it might be quite some time before he would truly be comfortable around her again.

It was several minutes before he spoke again, turning slightly back towards her. "I don't understand how you can stand to be near me, even after all this time," he said, his voice husky with emotion.

She stared at him, feeling her heart aching once again. "It wasn't your fault, Cullen," she said softly.

He shook his head, and scoffed slightly. He began stalking back and forth, without looking at her. "I said so many awful things to you! I nearly attacked you, and I turned my back on you! I had no control over myself, and I could have easily hurt you far worse! Yet you just let it go, like it was nothing!" He began gesticulating with his hands as he spoke, and she could practically feel the frustration and anger emanating from him.

She swallowed hard, feeling tears form in the corner of her eyes. She struggled for a moment, trying to decide how to respond. "I don't know what they did to you, but I know it was because of them that you responded the way you did."

He turned then, and she saw anguish in his eyes. "So you don't think I should be held responsible for my own actions? I was the one who hurt you, not them! They weren't there when I flew at you in a blind rage! It took everything I had not to hurt you, to stop myself from attacking the woman I had loved with every fiber of my being!"

Tears slipped down her cheeks as he spoke, and she saw a look of utter self-hatred in his eyes. His expression remained fierce for several moments, before shifting to one of pain. He quickly turned from her, head bowed, standing rigidly with his fists clenched at his side. She pulled her arms up under her chest, hugging herself tightly, uncertain how to respond. She had become a proficient healer over the years, but felt helpless to heal the torment he was living with. To her, it seemed like an open wound on his soul, festering in ways that made the original injury far worse than it should have been. 

After a while, she slowly stood up and moved towards him. Hesitantly, she placed a hand on the back of his arm, ready to pull away and back off if he reacted badly. He started slightly, but remained rigid and still. She could feel a fine tremor moving through him under her palm. "Cullen…the words and actions may have been your own. But if it hadn't been for Davick and the others, none of that would have happened, I'm certain."

He remained silent, his eyes closed tightly and jaw clenched. She stepped a little bit closer, squeezing her hand gently around his arm. "The first time I saw you after the rebellion was over, and saw the anger and hatred in your eyes…I felt like the world came crashing down around me. It was more painful than I can describe. I tried so many times to talk to you, to find some way to help you, but you wouldn't let me near. Yes, it hurt. Yes, there were moments when I wanted to yell and scream, just to try and get you to listen to me. But the only ones I ever blamed for what happened died during the rebellion."

She felt him relax marginally under her hand, the fine tremor easing. Finally, he turned slightly, and met her gaze fully. She could see the sadness in his golden brown eyes. "They stole something that had been precious to me, and corrupted it. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to the way things used to be," he said, almost in a whisper, and she saw tears in the corners of his eyes.

Taking another step towards him, she reached up to gently place the palm of her hand on his cheek. She unconsciously stroked her thumb gently along the scar above his lip. "They stole something precious from both of us, and I grieved for that loss for many years. But I'm not asking to try and go back to the way things were. I let go of that idea a long time ago. I just can't bear to see you in so much pain. I still care about you, and I wish I could do more to help you."

He stared down at her for long moments, seemingly unable to speak, as tears slipped down his cheeks. Finally, he bowed his head, pulling from her touch and looking away. "I don't deserve to be forgiven so easily."

She slowly dropped her hand back down, feeling deep pain at the self hatred in his voice. "Perhaps it's time you learn to forgive yourself, then?" she said gently.

He didn't respond, but she could see his expression becoming introspective as he considered her words. She dropped her gaze, and hugged herself tightly once more. Silence stretched between them, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, she spoke softly, changing the subject. "Cassandra and Leliana have asked me to join them for a meeting, tomorrow. Will you be there, as well?"

He glanced towards her, then nodded, not quite meeting her gaze. "There's a lot of planning to be done, if we're going to have any chance of success."

She stepped back, silently praying that some of the things she had said might eventually help him heal. "I should let you get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow, Cullen."

Without waiting for a response, she quietly turned and left, heading back towards the room she had been given. Further up the path, she paused, glancing back over her shoulder. Cullen remained where she had left him, his head bowed, hands resting on the pommel of his sword, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who might be interested, I recently wrote a one-shot piece featuring Valaina in an alternate storyline, with Fenris. [Then I Give Myself To You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3814996) was inspired by my friend Ciarasteina, and her story [Indomitable Wills](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3651996/chapters/8068851), which features Valaina as a background character.


	13. The Herald of Andraste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaina isn't sure why everyone keeps calling her the Herald of Andraste! She reaches out to her new friends for advice, and sets off on a new journey.
> 
> Meanwhile, Cullen struggles to cope with his own feelings regarding Valaina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OPENING NOTES: I'm sorry it took me so long to update with the next chapter! I hit a major case of writer's block, as well as some personal matters which made it difficult for me to continue writing.
> 
> After a lot of consideration I decided to make some significant changes, starting with Chapter 10! If you've read chapters 10-12 prior to June 5th, 2015 then I urge you to go back and read them again. (Click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3589317/chapters/8352547) to be taken back to Chapter 10.) I have marked the changes in purple text so it will be easier to spot the differences.
> 
> I hope you enjoy all the changes, as well as the new chapter! Hopefully it won't take me so long to update the story again.

Cullen stood beside the large wooden table, gazing down at the maps of Ferelden and Orlais, without really seeing them. He had been absorbed in his own thoughts ever since his meeting with Valaina the day before. He was grateful that they had a chance to talk things over, and she'd given him a great deal to consider.

It came as a relief for him to know she wasn't looking to go back to the way things had been before. At the same time, part of him felt sad to know that she had let go of their relationship in that way. He realized that, in many ways, he had not let go of the idea, himself. He still mourned the loss of what they once shared, and yearned to have it back, even as he knew there was little chance of that happening.

After retiring to his bed the night before, he'd spent quite some time staring at her pendant. It bore clear signs of wear and age, and obviously had been worn frequently, if not on a daily basis. There were a couple places that looked worn down, and he could picture Valaina rubbing those spots with her slender fingers. 

He found himself wondering why she had continued to wear it for such a long time. She'd made it clear that, while she still cared for him, she had let go of their past. So why would she continue to wear the necklace?

When he'd finally drifted off to sleep, his fingers curled around the necklace, his dreams had not been as troubled as they had been previously. There had still been disturbing images and flashbacks, but he had not woken in a state of panic as he did most nights. He was certain they would return again all too soon, but he was grateful for even one peaceful night's sleep.

He was brought back to his surroundings as the door opened. Cassandra strode into the room, followed closely by Valaina. He met her gaze briefly, and his insides clenched nervously as she smiled gently at him. He dropped his eyes back to the maps on the table, mentally steeling himself against the anxiety that still surged up inside of him on seeing her.

* * *

Stepping into the large office, Valaina glanced around at those already assembled. Glancing at Cullen, she could see the uneasy look in his eyes. She tried to smile reassuringly, but he dropped his gaze. She felt an all too familiar pang of sadness as he averted his eyes, but she forced herself to focus on the business at hand.

A dark skinned and elegantly dressed woman stood beside Leliana. Cassandra motioned towards her, as she turned to face Valaina. "Allow me to introduce Lady Josephine Montilyet. She has agreed to join us to act as our Ambassador and chief Diplomat."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mistress Lavellan," said Josephine, bowing slightly, her voice accented in a lilting Antivan accent.

"Likewise, Lady Montilyet," responded Valaina, smiling and returning the bow.

Then Cassandra turned, glancing at the others, as she got down to business. "I have discussed the situation with Solas, and he has confirmed the Breach is now stable. He believes a second attempt might close the Breach entirely, provided Valaina's Mark has more power."

"I recommend we approach the rebel Mages for help," suggested Leliana.

Cullen stepped forward then, frowning. "I still disagree. The Templars could serve just as well."

Cassandra shook her head dismissively. "We need power, Commander. Enough magic poured into that Mark--"

"Might destroy us all!" Cullen interjected, leaning forward to place both hands on the table. "Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so--"

"Pure speculation!" interrupted Leliana.

Valaina clasped her arms around herself as the tension in the room rose. Cullen appeared to be fighting back his frustration as he responded. "I was a Templar. I know what they're capable of."

She watched him quietly, her attention diverted as she once again wondered when he had left the Templars, and why. Her distraction was disrupted when Josephine stepped between Cullen and Leliana, exuding a calm presence which eased the tension in the room. "We cannot make this decision yet. Neither group will even speak to us, at this time. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition…and you, specifically," she said, turning to Valaina with a concerned expression.

She tightened her arms around herself, anxiety welling up inside of her. "They still believe I'm guilty?"

Josephine shook her head slightly. "Some do, but that is not the entirety of it any longer. The people have begun referring to you as the Herald of Andraste. This frightens the Chantry, and the remaining clerics have declared it blasphemy. They have declared the Inquisition to be lead by heretics."

"Chancellor Roderick's doing, no doubt," growled Cassandra.

Valaina shook her head in frustration. "I keep hearing people refer to me as the Herald of Andraste, or addressing me as the Herald, but I don't understand why? No one has explained it to me."

Cassandra regarded Valaina solemnly. "People saw what you did at the temple, how you stopped the Breach from growing. They have also heard about the woman seen in the Rift when we first found you. They believe that was Andraste. They want to believe that Andraste has sent you to help us end the chaos we face."

She stared at Cassandra as she processed those words, then sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I'm not sure how to feel about all this," she said quietly.

"People are desperate for a sign of hope in these troubled times. For some, you're that sign," said Leliana, gently.

"And to others, a symbol of everything that's gone wrong," replied Josephine.

Valaina had already been feeling as though the course of her life had shifted dramatically from the moment she had woken in prison. Now she felt a great weight settling on her shoulders, as she considered the full implications of what they were telling her. "This is a lot for me to take in. It feels as though everyone is expecting me to somehow save the world. I don't know how I got this Mark, or why. To be entirely honest, I'm starting to wish none of this had happened," she confessed, dropping her gaze.

The others were silent for several moments, before Cullen spoke softly. "I know this is difficult for you, but I have seen what you're capable of. I believe you are stronger than you realize, and I can't think of anyone I would rather have take on this role."

She looked up in surprise, and saw the conviction in his expression, mingled with a tender concern for her well being. He held her gaze for a long moment, and Valaina felt her spirits lift, strengthened by his belief in her. Then he looked away, and she saw a slight flush in his cheeks as his awkwardness returned.

Leliana spoke up, smiling slightly as she glanced from Cullen to Valaina. "You don't have to do this alone. We will all be working on this together, and we will help you in every way we can. Ultimately, it is your choice whether to accept the role of the Herald of Andraste, and what that might mean to you."

Valaina felt an immense relief on hearing Leliana's suggestion that she still had a choice whether to accept the role being placed upon her, or not. Then Cassandra stepped over to Valaina, and grasped her shoulder. "I will go with you into the field, while the others remain here to take care of matters. Working together, we have the best chance for success."

Valaina looked around at the four of them, grateful for their reassurances.

"I believe that in time things will get easier, once you become accustomed to your new role. There are a great many people who wish to speak with you, but do not let yourself become intimidated," said Josephine.

Valaina took a deep breath, and on exhaling she felt as though she were letting go of the stress and concerns she had been feeling. "Thank you, everyone. I will do my best."

"That is all anyone can ask of you," said Cullen, with a reassuring smile.

"If you do choose to accept the title of the Herald of Andraste, I believe we can use it to our advantage, as well. Even without the rumors, however, we have many opportunities available to prove our cause to the people. For starters, we have received numerous reports of Rifts scattered throughout the region. As you seal those Rifts, your reputation will spread, and Thedas will learn to trust the Inquisition," said Leliana with conviction.

Valaina nodded as she considered that. "It will be a long road…do you have any suggestions of where to start?"

"I do," replied Leliana. "There is a Chantry sister by the name of Mother Giselle in the Hinterlands, and she has asked to speak with you. While the Chantry as whole have denounced our cause, it seems as though she does not agree with her sisters. She knows those involved with the Chantry's denouncements far better than I."

Then Cullen spoke again. "As you travel through the region, keep an eye out for other opportunities to expand the Inquisition's influence, as well."

"I agree," said Josephine. "I would also suggest looking for those who may be willing to lend their aid to our cause. We need agents to extend our reach beyond this valley, and you're far better suited than anyone to recruit them."

"We are also in dire need of good horses," Cullen commented. "I suggest reaching out to Horse Master Dennet, who also resides in the Hinterlands. He has an excellent reputation, and may be willing to aid us."

Valaina nodded in response, carefully considering everything they were saying, then glanced over at Cassandra. "I guess we should head for the Hinterlands, then?"

The other woman nodded. "Let's plan to leave first thing tomorrow morning."

* * *

Travelling long distances by foot certainly wasn't the best way to break in new boots. Her old shoes had not been suitable for the journey they had planned. Within a matter of hours, Valaina was wincing as she felt blisters forming on her feet. When they took their first break to rest, she sat down and pulled the shoes off, examining her feet.

She could heal them easily enough with magic, but the blisters would simply return as they resumed their trek. So she carefully used her abilities to ease the pain in a way that would allow calluses to form over time, repeating the process each time they stopped to rest.

Camping was an entirely new experience for her. The few times she had travelled in the past they had always stopped at inns for the night. When the small group stopped to set up camp the first night, her companions immediately went about setting up tents and other equipment. She stood to one side, uncertain how to help. It was Varric who realized she wasn't sure what to do, and asked her to give him a hand. Soon the others were also asking for her assistance, and over the course of the next few days she quickly learned what needed to be done.

They encountered a couple small Rifts as they made their way to the Hinterlands, and the locals were very grateful to see the demons cleared out. Valaina still felt somewhat awkward to be addressed as "Herald", but she was starting to get used to it. She still hadn't decided how she felt, personally, about the title. She had become a believer in the Maker and Andraste over the years, but she didn't feel she had the right to claim that she had been sent by Andraste.

The night before they were due to arrive in the Hinterlands, Valaina sat by the campfire, pulling a brush through her thick, coppery hair. Solas sat nearby on his bedroll, seemingly absorbed in a book he was reading. Cassandra sat opposite of Valaina, working a whetstone along the edge of her blade. Varric sat near Valaina, prodding at the fire. He glanced over at her, with a curious look in his eyes. "So, how'd you end up at the Circle in Ostwick?

She continued to brush her hair in silence as she considered how to respond to the question. She wasn't sure how much personal information she really wanted to give any of them. "After the rebellion at the Circle Tower in Ferelden, I requested a transfer. I didn't really care where I ended up. It was First Enchanter Irving who decided to send me to Ostwick."

"So what prompted your request for a transfer?" he asked.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Solas seemed to be less absorbed in his book, his head turned slightly as though listening to the conversation. Cassandra glanced up, as well. She flushed slightly, feeling a little uncomfortable. "I had…personal reasons for wishing to leave the Circle Tower."

Varric seemed to sense her reluctance to talk about it, and nodded to her. "Having witnessed the rebellion in Kirkwall first hand, I can imagine how difficult your own experience must have been."

She nodded in response, as her mind flickered over memories. "It certainly isn't something I'm likely to ever forget," she said quietly.

The group fell silent for several minutes. Valaina set her brush aside and began braiding her hair. She liked having it down, but it was far easier to manage while travelling when it was braided and bound up, out of her way.

A few minutes later, Varric glanced over at her again, a sly look in his eyes. "So...what's the story with you and Cullen?"

Valaina immediately felt her cheeks start to burn. She knew people speculated about her relationship with Cullen, and it made her uncomfortable. "Uh…well, we grew up together, near Honnleath. I was friends with him, and his siblings," she told him.

"Oh yeah? Curly's never talked about his family, before. I didn't even know he had 'em," chuckled Varric.

She smiled in response. His siblings were, at least, something she felt comfortable talking about. "I was an only child, so I spent a lot of time with their family. I was probably closest to his older sister, Mia. She was like a big sister to me, as well. I spent a lot of time talking to her. Branson is a bit younger than Cullen. He was more outgoing than Cullen, but always followed him around, idolizing his older brother. Rosalie is the youngest, and she was usually much quieter than the rest of them. She was very sweet, but definitely had her thorns if you poked her the wrong way."

Varric chuckled at her description of the Rutherford children. "What about Cullen? I have a hard time imagining he was ever a kid, he's way too serious! Was he always like that?"

His question stirred up memories of Cullen from her own childhood. The golden haired young man who certainly had his serious side, but always had that ready smile and caring nature. Her heart ached as she remembered the boy with idealistic goals for his future. She thought of him now, his eyes haunted, lines etched into his features. It pained her to think of all that he had been through. Yet, those experiences had changed him in ways that made him stronger, and her heart fluttered as she considered the man that he had become.

She felt her cheeks burning again, and dropped her gaze, before responding. "He was quite serious as a boy, too. He was very protective of his siblings, and the other children. But he had his playful side. He was just as willing to join in playing with his friends and siblings as any other child would be."

Varric laughed, shaking his head. "I'll have to take your word for it, I still have a hard time picturing it!"

She couldn't help but chuckle in response, his amusement was infectious.

Cassandra put away her whetstone and sheathed her sword, before leaning forward slightly and gazing at Valaina curiously. "Cullen told me that you knew each other at the Circle Tower, as well. Were the two of you close?"

Valaina was certain her cheeks had gone bright red, and she ducked her head, avoiding everyone else's gaze. "We…we weren't really supposed to talk to each other," she said somewhat lamely.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Varric giving her a speculative look. "Sounds to me like you did anyways," he said slyly.

She remained quiet for long moments, her heart aching. Glancing up, she saw them each watching her with varying expressions of curiosity and concern. Finally she sat up a little straighter, realizing that they had probably already guessed the truth. "We were quite close for a time, yes. But it wasn't easy. We couldn't let anyone find out about our…friendship. We both would have been in serious trouble."

Varric was staring into the fire, seeming to consider her words for long moments, before turning to look at her quizzically. "Did something happen to you guys during the rebellion? I mean if you two were so close, why did you want to leave?"

Valaina stared down at her hands, resting in her lap, her insides clenching painfully. Memories of Cullen flickered through her mind, vividly recalling the last time they had been together, when they had made love. Juxtaposed with that memory came the vision of the first time she saw Cullen after the rebellion, her joy at seeing him alive, only to see the look of cold anger and hatred in his eyes. Unconsciously, she pulled her arms up under her chest, hugging herself. "There…were things that happened there which drove us apart. I…I'd really rather not talk about it," she said in a hushed voice.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Varric giving her a look of compassion. Then he shook his head a bit, glancing at Cassandra. "Y'know, this all sounds like a perfect example of why Mages and Templars are at war, now. I mean, it seems wrong to me that two old friends can't get reacquainted without fear of being punished. Who cares if one of them is a Mage and one is a Templar? There's gotta be a way of preventing Mages from abusing their powers without suppressing every last one of them."

"Agreed," said Cassandra. "It is my hope that we will find a peaceful way to resolve the situation, and establish a better method of training Mages and keeping them monitored, without imprisoning them."

At that point, the group fell into a discussion about the war between Mages and Templars, with Solas making his own comments. Valaina fell silent, listening absently. She saw Solas looking at her in contemplation once or twice, and she briefly wondered what he was thinking. 

After a little while, Cassandra suggested they should get some sleep, and they set up a watch rotation. Valaina was all too glad to crawl into her bedroll, and was asleep in no time.

* * *

Cullen's eyes skimmed over the report in front of him, reading the words without taking in the details. His head was throbbing, making it difficult for him to focus. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, rubbing his brow as he read the page again. The scout stood next to him, waiting patiently, and Cullen tried to ignore the slightly concerned look the other man was giving him.

Handing the report back to the scout, Cullen ordered him to take it to Threnn. The scout saluted smartly, and jogged up the path, heading towards the Quartermaster's tent.

Cullen's gaze was drawn upwards to the ominous green cloud swirling over the nearby mountains. He was amazed at how easy it was to become unconscious of its presence through the course of his day to day activities. He had even become accustomed to the thunder that continually echoed through the valley, a constant backdrop to the otherwise normal sounds of the village.

Dropping his gaze, he closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. The headache had been plaguing him from the moment he'd woken from a nightmare early that morning, sitting up in bed in a cold sweat. He was doing his best not to let the pain hinder his abilities to perform his duties. For the most part, keeping himself busy distracted him from the affects of his withdrawal, but there were still moments when it was almost too much.

Hearing a light step behind him, he lifted his head and turned to see Leliana approaching him. "Do you have a moment?" she inquired.

Straightening his shoulders and resting his hands on the pommel of his sword, he nodded. "Certainly. What do you need?"

She glanced around at the nearby soldiers who were attending their duties, then motioned for him to follow her a short distance away where they could speak in private. Once out of earshot of anyone else, she turned to look up at him with an unreadable expression. "I believe you are aware that I was present in the Circle Tower during the rebellion, yes?"

He nodded to her, feeling confused and uncertain as to what she might wish to discuss.

She went on, gazing intently at him as she stood with her hands behind her back. "While waiting for Warden Aedan and the others to return, I spent time with Valaina. As we spoke together, I noticed she was wearing a rather beautiful necklace, bearing the symbol of Andraste. I also saw the inscription on the back, and witnessed the concern she felt for the one who had given it to her, not knowing if he was safe."

Cullen stared at her, feeling helpless and numb as her words brought a surge of unwanted memories. Her expression shifted, showing compassion, as she continued. "She had the necklace with her when she arrived at the Conclave. After being taken prisoner, it disappeared. I was afraid someone may have stolen it…but you have it, don't you?"

He dropped his gaze, unable to meet her eyes. Guilt and anxiety warred inside of him, and he felt his headache growing even worse. "How did you know?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

She stepped a little closer, and rested one hand on his arm. "Someone saw you holding it in your hand. You are the one who gave it to her, aren't you?"

He lifted his head and met her eyes, struggling against his emotions. "I never meant to take it. I was so startled when I first saw it, I picked it up. I didn't even realize I still had it in my hand until after I'd left, and somehow couldn’t bring myself to take it back," he confessed.

"The two of you must have been very close," she said quietly. "May I ask what happened?"

He looked away, then, and swallowed against the pain swelling inside his chest. "It's…difficult for me to talk about. One of the blood mages, Davick, found out about our relationship. He used my feelings for Valaina against me, and it nearly destroyed me."

Leliana sighed, dropping her own gaze. "I am sorry. I knew terrible things had happened to you and others during the rebellion."

Cullen remained silent for long moments, consumed with the memories of that time. Then he dipped his fingers beneath his collar, and drew out the necklace. Pulling it over his head, he laid the pendant in his palm. "I hadn't expected she would still be wearing it, after all this time," he said huskily.

"I know she was very upset when she found the necklace gone," said Leliana. "Perhaps she still has feelings for you?"

He shook his head. "She…admitted she still cares for me. But she made it clear that she isn't looking to go back to the way things used to be, that she let go of our relationship a long time ago."

She gave him a knowing look. "But you haven't, have you?"

Cullen looked up sharply as her words echoed the thoughts he'd had a few days prior. With a heavy sigh, he closed his fingers over the pendant. "It doesn't matter. There was never much hope for us to have a future together, and any chance we might have had together was taken away a long time ago."

Leliana remained quiet for long moments before speaking softly. "You are no longer with the Templars, and Valaina is free from the Circle. Perhaps it is no accident that the two of you both ended up here? Perhaps you've been given a second chance together?"

Cullen's heart started racing as he considered the implications of her suggestion. He looked away from her, avoiding her gaze. "It isn't that simple," he said quietly.

"It never is," she responded. Then she laid a hand on his. "Will you return the necklace to her?"

He looked down at his hand, and uncurled his fingers to stare at the pendant. After a few moments, he nodded. "Please, don't tell her I have it. I…I want to talk to her, and to apologize personally."

Leliana stepped back, with a nod. "Certainly. Though I think she will be far more understanding than you expect, once she knows it is you who had it." He glanced up at her, and she gave him a reassuring smile. Then Leliana departed, leaving him alone to contemplate the possibilities for a future he didn't dare to hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to give a special shout out and ENORMOUS thanks to my proof readers for once again helping me out, especially through the last few weeks! To Ciarasteina, DeviantRhapsode, Shoomakins, Tracie, Steggo, and Music_Simbol, thank you so much for all of your contributions!
> 
> I have also begun my own [Tumblr Blog](http://crystallynesfanfictions.tumblr.com/) specifically for my fan fiction writing! Besides posting links to new chapters, I will also occasionally post comments about my writing. I may even start posting pictures of my in-game version of Valaina, as well! (I'm debating adding them occasionally here, but not sure how often people do that for fan fictions.)


	14. On Her Shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaina and company head off to the Hinterlands, and begin the hard work of strengthening the Inquisition in both man power, and reputation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STARTING NOTES:  
> As always, I have to give a special shout out to think all of my proof readers for their help! 
> 
> I also want to thank everyone who has taken the time to leave such wonderful comments for me!! I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for each and every one of you!!
> 
> For anyone who might be interested, I've begun posting pictures of my in-game version of Valaina on [Tumblr](http://crystallynesfanfictions.tumblr.com/)!

Mother Giselle proved to be a useful ally, suggesting that Valaina travel to Val Royeaux to meet with certain members of the Chantry who might be sympathetic to their cause. Valaina was nervous about the proposition, but with her new-found companions backing her up, she felt a confidence in herself she wouldn't have felt were she required to approach the Chantry clerics on her own.

They had arrived in the area to find the local population under siege from multiple sources. Templars and Mages had taken over the region in a full out war against one another. Bandits had started taking advantage of the situation to add their own element of chaos. Add to that the Rifts in the area spawning demons, and it was no wonder the locals were in a state of panic and fear.

At first, it had seemed like an insurmountable task to bring peace to the war-torn area. Valaina and her group were aided by Inquisition soldiers and scouts who had arrived ahead of them. She and her companions lead the way, acting as the forward party as they took on one problem at a time. It had proven to be an arduous and difficult time for Valaina, but the end results had brought her an intense satisfaction she had never experienced before in her life.

Along the way, they came in contact with a number of individuals with specialized skills who were willing to offer their aid and services to the Inquisition. They had even managed to impress the curmudgeonly Master Dennet. Their efforts had convinced him to not only provide the Inquisition with horses, but to travel to Haven and oversee the care of the horses personally. He had also gifted Valaina with an energetic, but friendly, chestnut stallion.

After more than two weeks of hard work, Valaina and her group were more than ready to head back to Haven. There were still a few more problems to clear up, but for the most part the entire region was suffused with a peace and calm that hadn't been there in months. She felt confident that the Inquisition soldiers would be able to take care of the remaining details.

The villagers and locals began to welcome them warmly. Valaina still wasn't sure how to feel about being addressed as the "Herald of Andraste", but she knew that she and her companions had earned the reputation they were cultivating. She knew much of it was aimed at her, but she felt the rest of her companions, as well as the soldiers and scouts that had aided them, deserved it just as much.

* * *

Stars sparkled high overhead as Valaina sat up late one night, keeping watch. They'd left the Hinterlands behind them, and would be arriving back in Haven soon. She had allowed the fire to die down somewhat, as she sat a short distance away, gazing up at the heavens. 

Despite the long hours and hard work of the last two weeks, not a day had gone by that she didn't find her thoughts returning to Cullen. She found herself remembering the last time she had seen him, as the leaders of the Inquisition gathered around the war table to discuss their plans. He had seemed much more relaxed at that time then he had previously. He clearly remained somewhat uncomfortable in her presence, but there had been moments that had given her hope that they might at least be able to rebuild the friendship they'd lost so long ago.

As she leaned back against a tree trunk, she heard a light step behind her. Turning, she saw Solas approaching her on bare feet. "Good morning, Da'len," he said quietly.

"Good morning, Solas. Is my watch over already?" she inquired, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

He shook his head as he moved to sit down cross legged beside her, looking out over the moon drenched meadow before them. "I woke early, and decided it was not worth the effort to try and sleep more."

They spoke quietly for a time, discussing recent events. She had come to enjoy Solas's company. She had been fascinated by his explanations of the Fade, and the spirits which resided there. Over the years of her study she had read about various forms of Spirits which didn't sound like demons, but the information she'd found had been limited. Solas had a great deal more knowledge of them, and she regularly peppered him with questions about it. 

When Solas had learned how little she really knew about Elven history, he had also undertaken to teach her more of that subject as well. He seemed to derive a great deal of enjoyment from teaching her, and she was an eager pupil.

After several minutes, he glanced over at her as he shifted the subject. "You seem to be adapting quite well to your new role," he commented.

She smiled slightly. "It has certainly gotten easier for me, over time."

Then he turned to look at her with a curious expression. "Clearly you were not raised with Elven beliefs. If I may ask, were you raised under the teachings of the Chantry?"

She considered the question for a long moment before responding. "My parents weren't particularly devout in Chantry beliefs, but I was aware of them from a young age. It wasn't until I entered the Circle that I really learned more. Over the years I would say I have come to believe in the Maker and Andraste. Those beliefs have brought me comfort at times." Absently, her fingers reached up to the base of her throat, and she once again felt a pang knowing she likely would never see her pendant again.

"Then do you believe you were saved by Andraste, as rumor would suggest?" inquired Solas.

"I'm not really sure," she said quietly. "I've been asking myself that since the first time I heard the rumor. It does seem miraculous that I survived the explosion, though I'm certain this Mark has something to do with it," she said, glancing down at the palm of her hand. "But maybe it's more than a coincidence that I have the Mark, and that I survived? Maybe there is something to the rumors?"

He glanced over at her solemnly. "In these troubled times, the people need something to believe in. If you can accept and embrace that role, then you have the opportunity to bring about lasting changes to Thedas through your influence."

She stared at him as she considered that idea for a long moment. "You know, it's strange… Before I left Ostwick to come to the Conclave, I thought that there was very little chance I would have any effect on the outcome. I wanted to go to see how things played out, and to offer my own testimony if I could. But I knew that my voice would have very little impact. If things hadn't played out as they did, that would still be true, I'm certain. But now…" She trailed off, sighing deeply as she returned her gaze to the meadow, dewdrops glittering in the moonlight.

"Now you find yourself at the confluence of events that will likely change our world for generations to come," Solas said. "Whatever may have happened to bring you into this role, having seen the work you have done acting as the Herald, working with the Inquisition, I am certain that you will achieve a great deal more than anyone would have expected."

Valaina swallowed hard as a nervous anxiety welled up within her. "Do…do you really think so?"

He turned to gaze at her with a reassuring smile. "I do. Do not be afraid, Da'len. The good that you do springs naturally from within you, and is as much a part of you as your voice. You have good instincts, and if you stay true to yourself, I am confident you will do well."

She felt herself blushing at his words, but smiled gratefully. "I'm certain I wouldn't be able to do any of this without the help of everyone else. But even if I am merely a spokesperson for our cause, I'll do my best."

Then she stood up, brushing herself off and stretching her arms high overhead in a yawn. "If you're ready to take over, I think I'll try and get a bit more sleep," she said.

He nodded to her, wishing her a good rest. She wasn't aware of the thoughtful expression in his eyes as he watched her return to her tent.

* * *

Their party was in high spirits as they drew nearer to Haven. Varric's stories were even more outrageous than usual, and Valaina couldn't help but feel amused by Cassandra's response. She had to bite her lip on more than one occasion to keep from giggling at the disgusted noises Cassandra made, which seemed to be reserved solely for Varric.

For his part, Solas either ignored the others completely, or listened in silence. Occasionally he would make a casual remark that seemed to be little less than a carefully crafted spear to prick at the recipient's pride in a way that provided no end of amusement.

Valaina had become quite close to all three of her companions, but she was still looking forward to having some time alone. She appreciated solitude in a way that few people seemed to understand, and had become keenly aware of the fact that she had not had a moment alone since they'd left Haven nearly three weeks prior.

As they rounded a curve in the road, the first buildings of Haven came into view. Valaina felt her spirits lift considerably at the sight. It seemed to her that there were considerably more recruits training with the soldiers than there had been when they'd left. As they drew nearer, she saw Cullen striding up and down among their ranks, calling out instructions and orders. She felt her breath catch at the sight of him, and felt an intense longing to throw herself into his embrace.

She shook her head, silently admonishing herself to stop that line of thinking. She had absolutely no intention of breaking his trust, and knew that she couldn't act on such childish impulses. She chided herself for even allowing such thoughts. She had made a firm commitment to herself, and to Cullen, that she wouldn't seek more than friendship from him. But it seemed her heart was beginning to have other ideas, and it was hard to deny that longing.

Possibly catching sight of movement on the road, she saw Cullen and several officers look up, watching them approach. Though they were still some distance away, she felt Cullen's gaze on hers, and saw the unmistakable smile that curved his lips. Her fingers gripped the reins of her horse tighter as she returned the smile, her heart soaring.

Suddenly, she felt as though something had struck a painful blow to the back of her left shoulder. She cried out, as searing pain flared through her body. She sagged forward, her arms clutched around herself, as she frantically wondered what had just happened. She could feel the blood pounding in her ears, and people shouting in panic around her. She clearly heard Cassandra's angry cry, though she couldn't make out the words.

Was Haven under attack? She didn't understand what might be happening. Her vision had darkened, and without realizing it, she slipped sideways in her saddle.

The last thing she remembered was the feeling of strong arms catching her as she fell.

* * *

As they drew near the village, Solas found himself watching Valaina. Again. He couldn't explain even to himself why he had become so fascinated with her. She was unlike anyone he had ever met before, certainly, but that didn't explain why his gaze strayed to watch her at any given opportunity.

As the training yard came in view, he saw her straighten up in her saddle. He could see her eyes light up, and her lips curving into a joyous smile. He knew who that smile was for, and it certainly wasn't for him.

He heard the arrow just before it struck, and felt his own heart stopping at the sight of the arrow protruding from Valaina's back. There was only a moment of shocked silence, before the group leapt into action. Cassandra wheeled her horse around, roaring as she searched the tree line for the attacker. Varric drew Bianca, turning his horse and scanning the area for a target.

Solas wasted no time slipping from his saddle and rushing to Valaina's side, cursing under his breath in Elven. As she began to topple sideways, he seized her limp form in a fierce grip, and gently eased her to the ground, laying her on her side. Dropping his pack next to him, he seized a clean shirt from its depths and began ripping strips of cloth from it. He would need something to help staunch the bleeding after the arrow was withdrawn.

He was dimly aware of footsteps racing towards the party, and saw Cullen leading a large group of soldiers toward them, barking orders. The Commander knelt down beside Solas and Valaina, agony in his eyes as he took in the sight of the arrow protruding from her back.

* * *

Cullen had felt his spirits lift on seeing Valaina returning with her party, and he couldn't help but return her smile. They'd received word from the Hinterlands, and he knew things had gone well for them. But he still felt a sweeping sense of relief when he first caught sight of her with his own eyes.

That relief had turned to horror when he saw her lurch forward in the saddle, a look of shock in her eyes. He was shouting orders to his men and running before he was even really aware of what he was doing.

His men fanned out and began searching for the attacker, as Cullen knelt down beside Valaina. His insides clenched in agony as he saw how deeply the arrow had pierced her slender body. Drawing off his mantle, he hastily folded it up, and slid it under her head to act as a pillow.

"Solas, what can I do to help?" he demanded.

The elf glanced up briefly before responding. "Take my shirt, there, and tear off more bandages. I wish to mend her internal injuries as you draw the arrow from her."

Cullen seized the torn shirt and ripped off more strips, while Solas drew a knife and cut through her leather jacket in order to gain better access to her injury. Cullen forced himself not to think, and to focus on Solas's instructions. He gently wrapped the cloth around the arrow shaft, then slowly began withdrawing the arrow from her flesh.

It seemed to take far too long to pull the arrow from her, though Cullen was certain Solas needed the time to mend the worst of the damage in the wake of the sharp barbs. Eventually, though, he was able to pull it free. He grimaced at the sight of the damage it left behind, and felt the urge to shatter the arrow into splinters. Instead, he handed it to one of his officers, in case they needed it as evidence.

Cullen looked down at his hands, now covered in her blood, and he felt himself beginning to shake as fear and concern for Valaina seized hold of him. He watched anxiously as Solas continued working for several more minutes. Finally, the other man eased back on his heels, looking exhausted. "I have healed the worst of the damage, but her injuries remain grave."

At that moment, her lips parted and she spoke in barely a whisper. "Cullen?" From where he knelt by her head, he could see her eyes flutter open. She looked around vaguely, without moving her head.

Cullen swallowed hard against the emotions welling up in him as he leaned closer, and brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "I'm here, Valaina," he said softly. He could see her lips moving slightly, but no further sound came from her. 

As she stilled beneath his fingers, Cullen stood, rounding up several of his men. He gave them orders to carry her to her quarters with as much care as possible, so her wound could be dressed and treated properly.

* * *

As Valaina slowly came awake, she first became aware of voices speaking in hushed, business-like tones. Opening her eyes, she looked over and saw Leliana speaking in a near-whisper to one of her scouts. Handing a report back to the scout with final instructions, the man nodded, then left the room.

Leliana turned, noting Valaina's open eyes, and moved to take a seat on the edge of the bed. "I see you've finally woken up," she said with a gentle smile. "How are you feeling?"

Valaina shifted slightly, wincing at the sharp pain in her shoulder. She licked her lips, and realized her throat felt parched. "Thirsty," she said simply.

"Well let's get you some water, then. Do you think you can sit up?"

Carefully, Valaina tried to ease herself up using her right elbow, cradling her left arm gingerly against her chest. Leliana moved to assist her, grabbing extra pillows to place behind her. Valaina was able to ease back against the pillows, sitting mostly upright, though still reclining at a comfortable angle.

Then Leliana picked up a heavy clay pitcher and poured a glass of water, handing it to Valaina. She drank gratefully, the cool liquid tasting sweeter than wine on her parched tongue. Then she looked up at the other woman, smiling. "So, have you decided to change professions and become a nurse-maid?"

Leliana chuckled, and tucked the blankets in around Valaina. "Only when there's a chance someone might try and finish the job of assassinating the patient," she said with a wry smile.

Valaina winced at that. "Is that what happened? It was all a blur."

The Spymaster nodded solemnly. "We managed to capture the man, and we are holding him in the dungeon. Cassandra and I have both interrogated him. He seems little more than a lunatic, bent on revenge for the death of the Divine. But we have yet to determine if he may have been working with others."

Valaina sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. "I suppose it was to be expected."

Leliana laid a hand on Valaina's leg, patting her reassuringly. "We have guards posted around your quarters, and we are looking into other measures we can take to ensure your safety. We won't let this happen again."

Valaina nodded, gratefully, draining the last of the water from her glass. Leliana took it from her, refilling the glass, and set it on the table beside the bed within Valaina's reach.

"On a happier note, I must say, I was impressed with how much you accomplished in the Hinterlands. We have gained a number of useful allies, and we have seen a marked increase in the number of recruits who have come to join the ranks of our soldiers," said Leliana.

Valaina flushed a little. "It wasn't just me. Everyone had a hand in our success."

"But it is you everyone is speaking of," Leliana said gently. "You have given our people direction and focus. I know it is not easy for you, your humility is one of your great qualities. But everyone who is serving our cause has come to regard you as their inspiration. You have come to represent all we are striving to accomplish. I know that is a great deal to place on one person's shoulders, but we are all here to help you as much as possible."

Leliana's words echoed what Solas had said to her only a few days prior, and Valaina stared out the window as she considered it. "I don't like the idea of someone assuming our success is entirely my doing. I'm worried what might happen if I make a mistake along the way, and I'm certain there are likely many who don't like what we're doing. The arrow in my back was proof enough of that."

She felt Leliana's hand gently squeeze her leg reassuringly. "Try not to let yourself be overwhelmed. We will take things one at a time. I have faith that you will do well, and we should be able to handle any issues that may arise. For now, focus on healing. Once you are well enough for travel, you and the others should head for Val Royeaux to meet with the Chantry."

Valaina nodded quietly, shifting her upper torso to ease the aching pain in her shoulder.

Just then there came a sharp knock at the door. Leliana stood, positioning herself between the door and Valaina. "Who is it?"

A familiar voice called out, without opening the door. "It's just me, Leliana." Valaina sat up a little straighter on hearing Cullen's voice. 

Leliana glanced over her shoulder, and Valaina felt herself blushing at the sly smile on the other woman's lips. Then she moved to the door and unlocked it, allowing him entry. Her eyes were sparkling mischievously as she looked between them. "I'll leave you two alone, shall I?" Without waiting for a response, she stepped through the door, closing it firmly behind her.

Cullen's cheeks were stained red, and he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. "I…I'm glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

Valaina smiled warmly, relaxing back against the pillows again. "I'll be alright," she responded.

He met her gaze briefly, and she could see the concern in his eyes. He shook his head slightly as he moved further into the room. "I don't think I've ever been more afraid then I was the moment I saw you laying on the ground, with that arrow in your back," he said in a hushed voice.

Her heart clenched at his words, and she felt tears in her eyes. He was one of the strongest men she had ever known, and he had been through a great deal. She knew it took a lot to shake his nerve, and she was touched deeply to realize he had been so affected by the assault on her. She swallowed hard, lowering her gaze. "It was all a blur. I'm glad it happened just as we arrived in Haven. I hate to think what would have happened if we'd been on the road in the middle of nowhere," she said quietly.

Cullen walked over to sit on the edge of her bed. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, looking down at his hands. "If that arrow had been aimed just a little more to the right, I'm certain we would have lost you. That thought…I don't know…" he trailed off, looking away from her.

She tried to sit up a little, to lean forward. She wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him, but the pain in her shoulder flared and she gasped. He turned quickly, and moved his hands to her shoulders, pressing her back into the pillows. "Don't try and sit up," he admonished her gently.

He hastily pulled his hands from her shoulders, but she reached out and caught his hand with hers before he could move away. "Cullen…I'm going to be alright, I promise," she said, trying to put as much reassurance into her voice as she could.

His eyes met hers, and what she saw there made her heart ache with longing. She saw the tender concern and worry he felt for her, along with other emotions she couldn't quite place. Then he looked away again, blushing, and gently pulled away from her grasp. "I…I came here because I have something for you," he said quietly.

She looked at him curiously, as he withdrew something from his pocket. He swallowed hard before continuing. "I should have returned it to you before you ever left for the Hinterlands."

He reached out for her right hand, turning it palm up, and laid the object gently in her hand. She gasped as she saw it was her pendant, gleaming in the light. "How…Where did you find it? I thought I'd never see it again!"

Cullen looked away then, and she thought she saw a look of guilt, or shame, in his expression. "I picked it up while you were in the prison. I hadn't meant to take it. I was just so surprised when I saw it…" he trailed off, seemingly unable to find the words to express himself.

Closing her fingers around the pendant, she held it against her heart. "You've had it this entire time?" she asked in surprise, her brow furrowed in confusion.

He looked up, and she saw his guilt intensify. "Please, forgive me. I never meant to keep it from you! It brought back so many memories for me, and somehow I couldn't let it go."

She could see that the guilt had been eating away at him, and after laying the necklace on the bed beside her, she reached for his hand again. He hesitated, then met her halfway, and she squeezed his hand gently. "It's okay, Cullen. I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that it was you who had it. Knowing that, now, I really don't mind!"

He seemed to relax at her words, his golden eyes filled with gratitude. Then he looked away again, blushing slightly. "I was surprised you still had it, really. But after everything that happened…it helped, somehow, to see it again. It…reminded me of better times, a time when I was happy," he said softly, and she saw a blush creeping back into his cheeks again.

She smiled tremulously, and was grateful that he hadn't pulled his hand away this time. She gently shifted her hand, to twine her fingers with his. "You don't know how much that means to me," she said softly. "What we shared…it…it meant a lot to me. I know we can't go back to the way things were. But I will always care for you as I have never cared for anyone else."

When he looked back at her this time, she could see the conflicting emotions in his gaze. Then he released her hand and picked up the necklace. He gently eased it over her head, lifting her hair to allow it to settle comfortably around her neck. For just a moment, his fingers lingered on the surface of the pendant as it lay against her chest, almost in an unconscious response.

She reached up with her right hand and touched his hand, before he pulled away, blushing deeply. Her heart ached at the uncertainty in his eyes, but she smiled gently. "Thank you, Cullen," she said softly.

His gaze met hers one more time, a smile curving his lips despite the pain in his eyes. She could see him swallow hard before he spoke, his voice husky with emotion. "I…I should let you rest." He gave her half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, before he turned and departed.


	15. Val Royeaux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Valaina recovers from her recent injuries, she takes some time to relax, before heading off to Val Royeaux to take care of more Inquisition business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STARTING NOTES: I feel like I have to apologize for these late chapters! This was a tough one for me to write, as I didn't want to do a total rehash of the events in Val Royeaux. So I (eventually) took the easy way out, since I figure every single person reading this story has most likely played the game and already knows how the events played out! And it's WAY too much effort to try and come up with a unique way for it all to have happened!
> 
> Also, I came down with a bad case of Bronchitis, which further delayed the story by a couple weeks. But I'm happy to say that I'm fully recovered, and eager to continue my story!!
> 
> Despite the skimming over of events, I hope you all like the chapter!

Valaina set down her quill and leaned back in her chair with a soft sigh. In the days following the attempt on her life, she'd had plenty of time to contemplate everything that had happened to her thus far. Her departure from the Ostwick Circle had begun a whirlwind of events, and she had felt pulled along by it, like a piece of driftwood in the ocean's current.

As she recovered from her injuries she'd spent time getting to know her new companions better. She had learned quite a bit more about each of them, and was starting to consider each of them good friends.

She'd spent many hours in Solas's company, as he taught her more about the Fade and Elven history. He had also begun teaching her the Elven language, and she enjoyed getting in touch with her heritage.

She had spent long hours in solace, and it had done wonders for her sense of self. She felt much more at peace than she had in weeks. There were a few tomes within Haven's Chantry that covered topics she had become keenly interested, including the history of the prior Inquisition. She had felt somewhat startled, and a little dismayed, when reading about the actions of the Inquisition of old. But she felt confident that it would be different, this time. She would make sure of that.

In the quiet hours alone, she'd also found herself thinking more about her past. She was no longer locked away in the Circle, and for the first time in nearly two decades she had a chance to finally get back in touch with family and friends she'd lost long ago. Her heart ached as she wondered, once again, where her parents might have ended up.

Now she found herself putting a few last touches on a letter to Mia, before signing it with a flourish. After reviewing it carefully to be sure she hadn't missed anything, she folded up the letter, and slipped it into an envelope. She figured if anyone knew where her parents might be, it would be Mia. She was eager to get back in touch with her old friend, as well. Picking up a stick of wax, she softened it in the flame of her candle, before sealing the letter.

Getting to her feet, she lifted her arms high over her head, stretching languidly. Her left shoulder still ached, but it was becoming easier for her to move around. She and Cassandra had decided they would depart in the morning to head for Val Royeaux, and meet with the Chantry.

Picking up the letter, she slipped it into a pocket, and left her quarters to go looking for Cullen.

She hadn't spent as much time with him as she had with others, but he did seem to be relaxing more around her. They'd spent time chatting idly, catching up on the last ten years, and discussing what they both wished to accomplish with the Inquisition.

Dusk was still a few hours away, but when she arrived at the training yard, she found Cullen wasn't there. She approached one of his officers, who turned to salute her smartly. "Do you know where Commander Cullen might be?"

"I believe he's gone to his quarters, Lady Herald. There is little to be done this evening, and he indicated he was going to retire early for the night," the Lieutenant replied.

Thanking him, she headed back the direction she had come, her brow furrowed. It seemed unlike Cullen to retire so early for the evening. Even when there was little to be done, he always found something to keep himself occupied. There had been a few times recently she had noted subtle signs that he might not be feeling well, and worried that there might be something ailing him.

Shaking her head, she continued up the path, telling herself that she was worrying too much.

* * *

Cullen's head was throbbing, again. He found himself snapping at his soldiers, his temper becoming frayed, and it was becoming difficult to hold himself in check. He was feeling the weight of his duties more than ever, and decided it would be best to retire early for the night and try to rest.

Arriving at his quarters, he started a fire in the hearth, and shucked off his armor and clothing, donning a pair of the linen breeches he preferred to sleep in. Standing by the fire, he sighed deeply, leaning with his hands on the mantle, head bowed, and eyes closed. He tried to force himself to relax, to ease the tension in his shoulders.

He wasn't having much success. Moving to the table, he began preparing elfroot tea. The tea didn't usually help all that much, but it was better than nothing.

He was just finishing his first cup of tea, when there was a light tap at the door. He bit back a sigh, wondering who was coming to bother him. He leaned his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing he could ignore the insistent tapping. Finally, after seizing his linen tunic and pulling it on, he strode to the door and unlatched it.

He was surprised to find Valaina on his doorstep. "May I come in?" she asked, almost timidly.

Cullen hesitated for a moment, before nodding. "Of course," he said, beckoning her inside and closing the door behind her. He turned and invited her to sit down, as he took his own seat again. He forced himself to relax, trying his best to ignore his throbbing temples. "Did you need something?"

"Well, I've been thinking…I would really like to get back in touch with Mia." Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew a sealed letter, then held it out. "I was wondering if you could help get my letter to her?"

He reached out and took the envelope from her. "I think I can manage that," he said, with a small smile. Then he grimaced slightly, as he tried to remember the last time he had contacted his sister. "I suppose I should send a letter as well."

Valaina leaned back in her seat, crossing one leg over the other, as she returned his smile. "I'm sure she would appreciate that. When was the last time you wrote to her?"

The corner of his mouth quirked in a wry smile. "I'm not sure, to be honest. I've never been good about keeping in touch with her," he confessed. Valaina chuckled in response, her emerald green eyes sparkling with amusement.

Cullen felt a brief surge of nostalgia as he met her gaze. He was starting to feel more relaxed in her presence, the dark flashbacks coming less frequently. He was about to ask her how she felt about her imminent journey to Val Royeaux, when he suddenly felt a particularly strong spike of pain flaring through his skull. He gasped involuntarily, one hand moving to his brow as he grimaced against the pain, leaning forward slightly.

He heard Valaina get to her feet immediately, and felt her gentle touch on his brow. He looked up to see the deep concern in her eyes. "Cullen? What's wrong?" she asked, with some alarm.

He struggled to suppress the throbbing ache, forcing himself to smile reassuringly, doing his best to hide his discomfort. "It's nothing. Just a bit of a headache," he said dismissively.

She clearly wasn't fooled, though she withdrew her hand as he sat up again. She frowned at him, her brow furrowed with worry. "I noticed you returned to your quarters earlier than usual this evening. Is this why?"

Reaching over for the kettle on his table, he poured himself another cup of tea, forcing his tone to remain casual and light. "Partially. There wasn't much for me to do this evening, so I thought I'd allow myself an early night."

Valaina remained quiet for a long moment, as he sipped the elfroot tea. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable by her close proximity, as she scrutinized him intently. "How long ago did you leave the Templars, Cullen?"

The question took him by surprise, and he hesitated a moment before responding. "Cassandra came to see me in Kirkwall, shortly before the Conclave. I had already been considering leaving the Templars by that point, so when she asked if I'd be interested in joining the Inquisition, it seemed like the perfect opportunity."

Valaina nodded thoughtfully as he spoke, her brow still furrowed in concern. "You've stopped taking Lyrium, haven't you?"

It wasn't a question, really. He looked up sharply in surprise. Then he grimaced, looking away from her as he set his empty cup down on the table. "It's nothing I can't handle," he said, more firmly than he'd intended.

She stepped back a bit, much to his relief, but could clearly see the worry that remained in her eyes. "Cullen…I know how bad Lyrium withdrawal can be. Are you sure about this?"

Her gaze was intense, and he looked away, as his mind went back to the events that lead up to his departure from the Templars. "After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn't…" He sighed, then sat up straight, meeting her gaze directly as his resolve strengthened. "I will not be bound to the Order, or that life, any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it."

Valaina was quiet as she continued to gaze at him for a long moment, her brow furrowed with worry and concern. Finally her expression shifted to understanding, and she nodded. "I understand. If you would like, I might be able to help."

He had been worried she would try to dissuade him from his chosen path, so he was immensely relieved when she offered her support instead. Still, he felt hesitant as he wondered what she had in mind. "I appreciate that. However, I would prefer not to use magic to relieve the effects. I hope you can understand."

She smiled in response. "Well then it's a good thing that isn't what I had in mind." Cullen tensed as she moved around behind his chair, and laid both hands gently on his shoulders. "Lean back, and try to relax." Her voice was calm and soothing, and without waiting for a response she began kneading the muscles of his shoulders.

He felt extremely nervous by having her so close, her hands on his shoulders. But it didn't take long for him to begin relaxing as her hands firmly but gently worked at his muscles and tendons. Soon he was leaning back in the seat, his head bent forward, as she began sliding her fingers upwards, massaging the back of his neck. It didn't take long for throbbing pain in his skull to begin receding.

As she slid her hands upwards, he felt her fingertips sliding into the hair along the nape of his neck, massaging his scalp. He had never had anyone touch him like that before, and the effect was incredibly relaxing. She slid her fingertips to glide behind his ears, then traced the shell of his ears with a firm touch. As she dragged her fingertips through his hair, her fingernails just barely grazed his scalp, moving upwards along the back of his head.

The effect she was having on him was palpable. The way she slid her hands through his hair, massaging his scalp, seemed intensely intimate. He found it didn't bother him, however, primarily because her touch brought him so much relief it was difficult for him not to moan.

She drew her fingers down the sides of his head, gently guiding him to lean his head back. Then she began massaging his throat, her fingers slowly sliding up to stroke his jaw line. She stroked the sides of his cheeks, in front of his ears, before firmly tracing her fingers over his cheek bones.

He was becoming very aware of her presence as she worked. His eyes had remained closed thus far, but as he lay his head along the back of the chair he opened them to gaze up at her. Valaina's expression was intent, entirely focused on her ministrations. He was feeling utterly relaxed, and found himself enjoying watching her work. The smell of her filled his nostrils, and in that moment he felt a powerful longing for her.

His flashbacks and inner demons had vanished. She was no longer the young woman he had known so long ago. She had changed, just as he had. There was a maturity and wisdom in her eyes that hadn't been there before. Yet she remained youthful and vibrant, her skin nearly flawless. Tendrils of her dark, coppery red hair escaped from her braiding to curl around her face. The golden pendant he had given her so long ago rested on her chest, stirring up poignant memories. Her full lips were parted slightly as she focused on her work, and he yearned to draw her close, to bring her mouth to his.

She had moved her hands up to massage his temples, working her fingertips in circles. At the same time, she pressed her thumbs gently, but firmly, between his brows, then swept them across his brow bones, repeating the action several times. Then she dragged her palms firmly over his forehead, pushing his hair back. It was only then that her eyes met his, and she froze, her hands becoming motionless as they lay against his brow. There was a look of surprise in her eyes, before her expression turned to confusion and dismay. She blushed deeply and hastily stepped back, pulling her hands away.

"I'm sorry! I…I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable," she said, not quite looking at him, as her cheeks flushed to a brilliant shade of pink.

She kept her head turned away as he got to his feet and turned to face her. He felt himself blushing as well, especially when he realized his body was beginning to respond to his yearning for her. "No…No, please don't apologize!" He dropped his gaze, and ran his fingers through his hair. "I feel immensely better now. I really appreciate it."

Valaina glanced up at him then, relaxing slightly. "I'm glad I could help." She gazed at him searchingly, looking confused and uncertain. Then she looked away again, still blushing furiously. "I should let you get some rest, now," she said, and quickly headed towards the door. 

Just as she was about to open the door, he called after her. "Valaina, wait." She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder at him. 

He stared at her, as he realized he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. His insides were in turmoil, and Leliana's words came back to him in that moment. _"Perhaps it is no accident that the two of you both ended up here? Perhaps you've been given a second chance together?"_

He felt helpless, struggling to find the words he wanted to say, wondering if he dared give voice to the yearning he felt for her. She continued to stare at him, her clear confusion and uncertainty mingling with concern. Finally, he dropped his gaze, unable to summon up the courage to say what he really wanted. "I just…want you to know how grateful I am, for your support. Cassandra is the only other person who knows about my decision, and I would prefer it remain private."

She nodded in response. "I understand. I'll be happy to help in any way I can," she said, offering a small smile. Then she turned back to the door again, and slipped out quietly.

As the door closed behind her, he sank back into the chair, trying not to groan. He felt better then he had in a very long time, but his relaxed state was marred by his longing. He could still smell her in the room, an intoxicating floral scent. The smell stirred up an assortment of pleasant memories, and he clung to them like a lifeline.

Getting to his feet, he banked the fire and pulled off his tunic. Drawing back the covers on his bed, he settled down on the mattress, sighing deeply. His insides still felt in turmoil, his realization of just how much he yearned to be with her warring with the dark shadows that constantly lurked in his subconscious. He tried to dispel his longing, to focus on how relaxed and peaceful he felt after her ministrations.

It wasn't working. He couldn't get her out of his mind. With a groan, he turned onto his side and seized one of his pillows, pulling it against his chest. In his mind, he imagined how it would feel to lay there with her in his arms, pressing himself firmly against her back as he held her tightly. He imagined burying his nose in her hair, and inhaling deeply of her scent.

Cullen felt his length hardening the longer he thought of her. He gritted his teeth, groaning as he instinctively arched his hips against the pillow, pushing it more firmly against his groin. It had been a very long time since he had allowed himself sexual release. For the most part he had felt no interest in it, as lingering nightmares dispelled any desire he might have felt otherwise.

Now, with the feel of her hands still lingering on his skin, the smell of her still filling his nostrils, he felt himself becoming almost painfully hard. He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face against his arm, as his hips continued to arch against the pillow beneath him. He could not stop the mental images flooding his mind, as memories of seeing her naked for the first time returned vividly to him. He saw her standing before him, unbalanced slightly from the intensity of her need for him, gazing at him adoringly. Her chest heaving, nipples standing out hard, as he drank in the sight of her.

Unable to resist any longer, he lifted his hips and quickly untied the laces of his breeches, pushing them down his hips to release his rigid shaft. He continued to lay with his eyes pressed against his left forearm, while he reached down with his right hand to grip his throbbing erection. He began pulling his fist up his length, as he recalled how he had pulled her down onto the couch with him, laying beside her as he memorized every last detail of her body.

Without warning, another memory intruded itself onto his mind, a sinister version of Valaina sauntering towards him, naked and bearing the unmistakable signs of having just been fucked by Davick. He gasped, then snarled in frustration, shoving the memory away as he struggled to grasp hold of how it had felt the first time he had sank fully into her body. His hips arched as he tugged on his cock, relishing in the memory of seeing her lying beneath him, her body writhing with pleasure as he thrust into her again and again.

He raised himself up on his left elbow, his head bowed, moaning with pleasure. He arched his hips as he shoved them once again into the pillow beneath him, still driving himself into his tightly clenched fist, imagining it was Valaina's body he was sinking into. He felt his pre-cum dribbling from the head of his shaft, and drew his fingers over the tip, coating his length with it.

As he struggled to hang on to the mental image of the woman he loved lying beneath him, dark shadows continued to flicker around the edge of his thoughts, threatening to overtake the memories he clung to like a lifeline. Periodically they flashed unbidden across his mind, searing his mind with flashes of pain. Tears stung his eyes as it became harder and harder for him to sort out the true memories from the nightmares. He clenched his left fist in his sheets, his body beginning to tremble violently, as he drove his hips harder into his right fist. 

Despite the memories of the demon posing as Valaina flashing across his mind, he did his best to focus on the true version of her, and felt his body shuddering with imminent release. Then, with a sudden flash, he recalled her as she was now. The warm, vibrant, mature version of Valaina. The woman who bore the weight of the Inquisition on her slender shoulders. The woman who still clearly cared for him deeply, and was willing to do whatever she could to help him achieve his goals. He suddenly imagined it was her laying beneath him, making love to him for the first time in over ten years.

The nightmares burst apart, vanishing completely, as for just a moment he felt as though he could really see her there, gazing up at him with passionate need in her dark eyes, urging him to complete her. He let out a strangled cry as his hips jerked forward in his fist, his cock throbbing desperately as he released a torrent of seed onto the pillow beneath him. He continued to shudder violently, gasping for breath in the strength of his release, his hips jerking as he tugged on his shaft, milking himself of every last drop of pleasure.

Collapsing to one side of his bed, he gasped for breath, continuing to tremble for several long minutes. Finally he let out another soft moan, burying his face once again against his arms. He shoved the now soiled pillow off his bed, and lay on his stomach, eyes pressed against his forearm as he felt his cock softening beneath him.

He realized his cheeks were wet with tears he had not noticed as he had been consumed by lust and desire. He wiped them absently, his thoughts swirling in circles. He could no longer deny just how much he longed to be with her again. Part of him yearned to get dressed and go to her in that moment, to confess his need for her.

Yet, he was still filled with uncertainty and doubt. She'd made it quite clear she wasn't interested in resuming their relationship. Yes, they had re-established a long lost friendship, at least to some degree. But could she still have feelings for him, the way he had for her?

He had also seen her spending quite a bit of time with Solas, and knew that they got along quite well. He felt a stab of jealousy, as he wondered just how close they had become. She spent a great deal more time with him than she did with Cullen, especially as they spent so much time on the road together.

Then there was the fact that, despite her recent respite as she recovered from her injury, there continued to be many demands on her time and energy, and more was sure to come. The world was in a state of chaos, if not open warfare. Was this _really_ the appropriate time for him to be contemplating the possibility of a relationship with her?

With a sigh, Cullen rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. There was simply too much uncertainty and doubt for him to consider any real possibility of sharing his life with her again. Then there were the dark flashes that had come to him as he had tried thinking of her in the throes of his passion. If it had been that bad while he was alone, how bad would they be if he had actually been with her?

Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he closed his eyes and tried to force himself to relax. His headache had, thankfully, remained suppressed thanks to Valaina's ministrations. But it would still him do a world of good to get an early night's sleep.

* * *

After leaving Cullen's room, Valaina hurried back to her own quarters, hoping no one would notice that she was still blushing deeply. As she closed the door behind her, she leaned back against it, and took several deep breaths. Her heart was pounding, and she felt an ache deep inside like she hadn't felt in years.

She was grateful she had been able to relieve Cullen's headache, but by the time she had finished it had become far more intimate than she had intended. The moment she realized he was watching her, and saw the expression in his eyes, she had felt her heart stop. There was a yearning in his gaze, a longing for her that she had never expected to see in his eyes again.

It had shaken her to the core. It took every ounce of willpower she had not to respond to that look in his eyes, or what she thought she saw there. Even as she yearned to close the distance between them, she felt a powerful surge of doubt that she could trust herself, to trust what she was really seeing.

Had it just been her imagination? Or perhaps it had just been the heat of the moment, a moment that could shatter as easily as glass? What if she had acted on her impulse, and closed the distance between them, moving her lips against his? Would he have responded? Or would he have pushed her away?

She felt tears threatening, and scrubbed at her eyes with both hands. She drew in several deep breaths, forcing herself to calm down. She didn't dare allow herself to speculate any further. She'd made a promise to Cullen, and to herself, and she wasn't about to jeopardize the tenuous friendship she had re-established with him.

Moving over to her side table, she poured water into a basin, and then began splashing her face vigorously. The cold water had the effect she desired, clearing her thoughts and calming her emotions. After drying off her hands and face, she seized one of her favorite novels and settled down in front of the fire, intent on losing herself in the story and putting her other concerns out of mind.

* * *

Valaina felt drained. Events in Val Royeaux had not played out the way she had expected. With Mother Giselle's assistance, she had anticipated meeting with Chantry Sisters who were willing to hear her side of the story, and perhaps even willing to work with the Inquisition.

Instead, they'd been met with an angry mob, and an open denouncement from the Chantry Sisters. The arrival of the Templars had heightened the tension even further. Their actions alone, and the sneering superiority of Lord Seeker Lucius, had alarmed Valaina no small amount.

She was beginning to feel the pressure of her role as "the Herald of Andraste" more than ever. It had been much easier when she felt more like the figurehead of their campaign, leading the way as they cleared out the dangers in the Hinterlands and elsewhere. Now, as things became more chaotic and uncertain, she felt that all too soon she would be asked to make significant decisions with regard to the future of the Inquisition.

A burst of laughter drew Valaina out of her contemplation, and she turned to see Sera doubled over in her saddle, laughing raucously from whatever Varric had just said to her. She still had a great many doubts as to whether she had done the right thing by allowing the young woman to join them. Valaina had felt utterly confused at first when Sera attempted to explain her association with the "Friends of Red Jenny". But eventually she came to understand how the information she had could aid the Inquisition's efforts.

She could tell Cassandra was dubious about her decision to let Sera join them. But she hadn't voiced her opinions on the matter, and Valaina was grateful for that.

Just then, Vivienne pulled her horse up beside Valaina's. Compared to Sera, Valaina had felt far more comfortable accepting Vivienne's offer when the elegantly dressed woman had explained her association with the "Loyalist Mages", and her desire to help re-establish order with the Mages and Templars. Now, as they made their way back to Haven, the woman turned her thoughtful gaze on Valaina. "May I ask you something, my dear? What do imagine should happen with the Circles?"

Valaina considered the question carefully before responding. "I think they need to be restored, but significant changes need to be made. Mages need to be allowed more freedom. They should not be cut off so completely from their family and loved ones. They should be allowed to live and work outside of the Circles."

Vivienne arched her brow at that. "Do you really think that would be wise?"

"I can't see why not, if things are established correctly," she responded. "Templars can continue to monitor Mages and their work, but they need to allow more communication between the two groups. It seems to me there is a great deal which Mages can offer to the general public, if given the chance."

"Interesting concept," said Vivienne, turning to gaze down the road. "And what would stop them from attempting to seize power? Do you imagine the Templars would have the strength to prevent Mages from becoming blood mages and Maleficar, if permitted to have free reign?"

Valaina frowned at the tone of Vivienne's voice, beginning to feel defensive. "Most of the Mages I know are not so power hungry as that. They simply want to be allowed to live in peace. Yes, there may be some who seek to take advantage of such freedoms. But there must be ways we can establish monitoring and policing of such activities."

"Perhaps," said Vivienne. "But you will find a great deal of resistance to such notions, I fear. Be cautious of becoming too optimistic, or you may find yourself overlooking vital flaws in your plans."

"This is assuming I have any real say in the matter, anyways," Valaina replied.

Vivienne turned her gaze back to Valaina once again, regarding her solemnly. "I think you might be surprised just how much influence you will have on events, before this is all over."

Without waiting for further response, Vivienne allowed her horse to drop back again. Valaina felt her insides clench with alarm at the other woman's words. She knew she'd become centrally involved in current events, and that she might be called upon to make significant decisions for the Inquisition. But she never considered the possibility that her decisions could have _that_ much influence.

She certainly had ideas on what she would like to see happen with the way Mages were treated. But she wasn't sure she was the right person to be making such judgments. She tended to be filled with doubt and uncertainty even in the best of times. Could she really summon up enough conviction to make her voice heard? Let alone face down the opposition that was surely to come?

Valaina let out a heavy sigh, closing her eyes against the afternoon sunlight as she lifted her face skyward. She couldn't allow herself to be so easily overwhelmed. She would take things on one at a time, and pray to the Maker that she wouldn't lose herself completely in her efforts.


	16. The Rebel Mages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still uncertain of what might be happening with the Templars, Valaina sets off to Redcliffe with Cassandra and the rest of her companions to check on the status of the Rebel Mages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like with each of the last few chapters I've posted, I start with an apology. I've had a lot of people encouraging me, and expressing their hope that I don't abandon this story. I am grateful for all of you, and your encouragement!! If you would like a more in depth explanation of the reason for the delays, I would refer you to [a post I made on Tumblr](http://crystallyne27.tumblr.com/post/129442768306/i-have-been-debating-for-awhile-now-whether-to). Chapters may be delayed, but rest assured I have no intention of abandoning this story!
> 
> On another note, in the game we are restricted to having only three companions with us at a time, but in my own head they are always nearby. With this in mind, from this point forward you will likely see scenes featuring multiple companions, beyond what you would typically see in game. I just thought I'd mention this so that there's no confusion!

Cullen couldn't help but feel a twisted kind of pleasure as he read the scathing letter of denouncement from Lord Kildarn. The man had petitioned the Inquisition for help to drive off the "scrabble of filth" that had overrun his lands, otherwise known as desperate refugees seeking shelter. It had brought Cullen no small amount of pleasure to send his soldiers to aid those refugees, many of whom had been grateful enough to join the Inquisition's efforts.

He set the report down on the table, and picked up a copy of the report Leliana had received regarding the meeting in Val Royeaux. The Templars' response troubled Cullen, and he hoped that the details might have been exaggerated, or in some other way misconstrued. He had a hard time believing the Order would abandon the Chantry entirely, let alone physically assault one of the Chantry Sisters.

A runner had just informed the advisors that Valaina's party had just arrived back in Haven, so Cullen had joined Leliana and Josephine in the council chamber to wait for her and Cassandra. The two women were both absorbed in their own reports, leaving the room in nearly complete silence.

He found his thoughts wandering as he stared down at the report, without really reading it. Based on what he had read, things had not gone as expected. He worried for Valaina, keenly aware that she was somewhat uncomfortable being put into the forefront of their operations. She had never been one to put herself forward or seek status of any kind. Thus far she seemed to be doing well enough, but he wondered if the pressure might be weighing down on her more than she let on.

He was drawn from his thoughts when the door opened, and Cassandra entered the chamber, closely followed by Valaina. They were both travel-stained, clearly having come straight to the council after their arrival in Haven. Tendrils of hair had escaped from Valaina's braids, curling around her face, and framing her delicate features. He felt his fingers twitch with the urge to reach out and tuck a stray curl behind one slender ear. Cullen thought he saw a flicker of concern in her eyes, as her gaze fell on the map spread out on the table in front of them. He tightened his grip on the pommel of his sword, wishing he could do more to ease the weight on her shoulders.

"It's good you've returned. We heard of your encounter," said Josephine, who stood nearby, alongside Leliana.

Valaina glanced up, seemingly unsurprised by Josephine's comment, and sighed heavily. "It certainly wasn't what I had been hoping for. But it wasn't a wasted trip, at least."

"True. I understand you have found two new allies? The Red Jenny organization, if you can call it that, has been around for quite some time. I am looking into Sera's background to find out more about her. On the other hand, Vivienne's reputation proceeds her, and it is good to have her on our side. I also think we should follow through with First Enchanter Fiona's invitation to Redcliffe," said Leliana.

Cassandra shook her head, scowling slightly. "Do you really think that is wise? I think they are more desperate than you realize. For all we know, some of them may be the ones responsible for the destruction of the Conclave."

"The same could be said of the Templars," responded Josephine.

It wasn't the first time he'd heard the suggestion that the Templars could have been responsible for the devastation of the Conclave, but Cullen felt himself going tense, his temper rising. "The Templars have always served the Chantry faithfully. You can't seriously believe they could have been involved?"

The others all turned to look at him, but it was Valaina who spoke up, her expression grim. "The Templars have abandoned Val Royeaux, as well as the Chantry. They are seeking independence, just like the Mages."

As he met the intensity of Valaina's gaze, his grip tightened reflexively on the pommel of his sword, his instinct to defend his colleagues kicking in. Then the truth of her words sank in, and he let out a heavy sigh, dropping his gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I can't begin to understand why the Templars have abandoned the capital. Their actions make no sense to me. However, I feel certain not everyone in the order will support the actions of Lord Seeker Lucius."

"I agree," said Cassandra. "Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember. We would do well to look into the situation."

Valaina folded her arms under her chest, hugging herself slightly. "His actions were alarming to me, and I would like to investigate that situation further. However, I'm also concerned about the Mages in Redcliffe. I don't think we should discount them. We can at least find out what their status is, and what they might want."

"No doubt what they've always wanted: support for their cause," said Cassandra, with her usual frown.

Cullen sighed heavily. "I agree that we need to look into their situation, but I do not feel it would be wise for us to recruit the Mages to our cause. We don't have the manpower to keep them under control. With the Breach still in the sky, they are more at risk for possession than ever before. We have a few Templars, but not nearly enough to keep the Mages contained."

Valaina's gaze met his, her brow furrowed, frowning. "I understand your concern, Cullen. But right now, we're not even sure where the Templars may have gone. I'm well aware of the dangers that Mages can pose, but I feel they are worth the risk." Then she paused for a moment, before quietly adding, "not all Mages would succumb so easily, or willingly, to possession."

The intensity of the gaze she directed at him caused a tense moment of silence, and for a moment Cullen saw in his mind the memory of a younger Valaina, cowering against a door as he towered over her, making accusations. The pain of the vision made him flush, and he dropped his eyes, unable to meet her gaze. 

Cassandra broke the tension a moment later. "Very well, let us go and see what the Mages have to say for themselves."

The others murmured their agreement, and began filing out of the room to return to their various duties. Cullen slowly gathered his reports back into a neat pile, as he considered Valaina's words. It worried him to think that they might soon be overrun by a large group of Mages, some of whom he felt certain would be threats to their safety. But was he overreacting to the situation, as Valaina seemed to indicate? Or was he right for being suspicious and concerned?

With those questions dominating his thinking, he quietly departed the chamber. As he passed through the Chantry, he caught sight of Valaina and Leliana standing off to one side, quietly conferring. For a moment, Valaina glanced towards him and caught his eye, and he could see the unease in her expression. He held her gaze briefly, still filled with his own doubts, before averting his gaze and departing the Chantry.

* * *

As Valaina and her companions trekked down the road leading to Redcliffe, her thoughts were elsewhere. On Leliana's request, they had located the Grey Warden, Blackwall, near the Crossroads in the Hinterlands. The Wardens had a tendency to keep to themselves, but recently had all but disappeared entirely. Blackwall had been the one exception, and they had been hoping he might be able to give them more information.

Unfortunately, he had known nothing. He had apparently been completely out of touch with any of his fellow Grey Wardens for a long time, and had been unable to provide them with any useful information. It was odd to Valaina that he was so completely out of touch with his comrades, but he seemed like a reclusive man, perfectly content to operate on his own. She had agreed to his request to let him join the Inquisition, hoping that he might be able to provide more aid or information in the future.

She sighed, and looked up from the road beneath her feet, her thoughts turning to the next task at hand. She wanted to believe that a majority of her fellow Mages felt the same way she did, that they simply wanted to live in peace, free to live a normal life. 

Valaina wondered how many of the Mages who sought to rise up and seize power would still aspire to such goals if they had not been oppressed most of their lives. She was reminded of stories she'd read in history books, of slaves rising up to revolt against their masters, and break free of their bindings. She could easily draw comparisons between what those slaves had been willing to do to achieve their freedom, and the actions her fellow Mages had taken to gain their own freedom.

She was fully aware that it was foolhardy to believe that all Mages felt the same way she did. There were certainly Mages who would seek to dominate and control, by any means possible. Some of the stories she'd heard of Tevinter Magisters were proof enough of that. But the same could be said of non-Mages as well. She knew there would always be a need for Templars to watch over Mages, just as there would always be a need for military forces to protect their respective countries.

Valaina was suddenly pulled from her contemplation as the Mark on her left hand suddenly pulsed and flared, painfully. She gasped, and heard her companions drawing weapons behind her. They had travelled together long enough to recognize the flaring as a sign that a Rift was somewhere nearby. She felt the familiar pull of the Mark, urging her forward, and drew her own staff. "Straight ahead! It must be near the gate to Redcliffe!"

Cassandra raced forward, and the rest followed in her wake. As they drew near, they heard shouting ahead of them. Coming around a bend in the road, they saw guardsmen shouting to each other, as they fought off the demons surging from the ground. Cassandra immediately began to engage the demons, her sword and shield flashing in the afternoon sunlight. Valaina heard the familiar and unique sound of Bianca firing arrows, now accompanied by Sera's bow. Solas and Vivienne wasted no time in firing their own spells, simultaneously casting protective spells on all of them, and attacking the demons with elemental spells.

Valaina rushed forward, stepping close to the Rift, and raising her left hand to create the now familiar connection. Power surged and crackled through the air, and she planted her feet, standing fast against the pull of the Rift.

Suddenly, a strange sensation came over Valaina. The pulses from the Rift connecting to her hand slowed down dramatically, so she could feel each individual pulse as it connected with her hand. Her breathing seemed to slow down as well, though she didn't feel as though she were struggling for air. At the same time, everyone around her seemed to be moving much more rapidly then should be humanly possible. Cassandra's sword flashed with blinding speed, the demons swarmed around them in a blur.

As quickly as it had started, everything seemed to snap back to normal, with a strength that made Valaina gasp and stagger. The connection she had created with the Rift broke, and it surged overhead, spewing out more demons.

Glancing around quickly she could see the others seemed to have sensed something odd, as well. They nearly all wore the same look of confused bewilderment, if not outright fear.

Valaina swung her staff to fight off a demon as it surged towards her, even as her mind raced. What had caused that strange sensation? Was it from her Mark connecting with the Rift? Should she wait before trying to seal it again?

Moments later, everything around her seemed to slow down. She watched, fascinated, as Varric launched a bolt at a demon. It moved so slowly she could track its progress through the air, even as she could see it flexing up and down with the force of its trajectory.

She turned and gazed up at the Rift again. Whatever was happening didn't seem to be caused by the connection between the Mark and the Rift. Lifting her hand, she once again activated the Mark to weaken the Rift. It pulsed and rippled, pulling against her, until it snapped shut, causing the demons around her to stagger.

As she whirled her staff and began firing spells at the demons, she felt herself slowing down again, while everyone around her seemed to be moving unnaturally fast once again. She gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the odd sensation, else she become distracted and possibly endanger herself.

With the last of the demons sinking back into the ground, Valaina whirled and established the connection one more time. The power pulsed and sizzled through the air, before snapping with a loud thunderclap. As the Rift burst apart and vanished, her shoulders sagged, hands on her knees.

"What in Andraste's name was that?!" demanded Cassandra.

"I have never experienced anything like that before," commented Vivienne.

Valaina shook her head, drawing in a deep breath and standing upright again. "I don't know what that was, but I think we better be careful." She turned to face her companions, who all nodded solemnly.

Cassandra moved up beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Agreed. Perhaps someone in Redcliffe might have answers for us."

Valaina nodded to her, and turned towards the main gate. The guards had regrouped and stood gathered near the gate. One of them stepped forward, saluting. "You're the Herald of Andraste, aren't you? I'm glad you arrived when you did. Thank you for the help."

"Something strange was happening with this particular Rift. Do you happen to know what might be going on?" asked Valaina.

The guard shook her head. "I'm sorry, m'lady. This was the first time I've been this close to a Rift before. It appeared just moments before you arrived."

Valaina ran her fingers through her hair, nodding. "We've come on the invitation of First Enchanter Fiona. May we enter Redcliffe?"

The guard looked uncertain, glancing over her shoulder at her comrades. "We've not had any word to expect you, and we've been told not to allow anyone inside," she said apologetically. "If you don't mind waiting, I'll send a runner to the First Enchanter."

"Please do," said Valaina, frowning slightly. The guard nodded, and hurried off to complete her task. Valaina turned to the others. "I don't like any of this," she said quietly. Then she turned to look at Solas and Vivienne. "Do either of you have any thoughts you'd care to share on what we just saw?"

"It seems as though something was altering the passage of time around us," said Solas. "I have never heard of something like this happening before. If I had not experienced it myself, I would have said it was not possible."

"I agree," said Vivienne. "Mages have tried to alter time for centuries, and never had any success. Whatever is happening here is likely very dangerous. We must be cautious."

Valaina nodded in agreement, as she turned back towards the main gate, waiting somewhat impatiently for the runner, while her thoughts raced.

* * *

If Valaina had felt alarmed before, it was nothing to how she felt as she sat across from Gereon Alexius, Magister of Tevinter. She did her best to hide her fears and concerns, attempting to smile pleasantly as she discussed the Inquisition's need for Mages with the man who now commanded them.

When she had first learned that Fiona had pledged herself, and the rest of the Mages who followed her, to the service of Tevinter, she had been shocked. As she spoke with Fiona, she found herself feeling sympathy for her fellow Mage, trapped in a seemingly desperate situation with no other way out. Valaina couldn't imagine allowing herself to become indentured to a Magister; however, she knew that there was every possibility she might feel differently if she had been in Fiona's shoes.

Alexius certainly seemed overly pleased with himself, seemingly unable to hide his smug superiority. "I'm not surprised you're here. Containing the Breach is not a feat that many could even attempt. There is no telling how many mages would be needed for such an endeavor. Ambitious, indeed."

Valaina forced herself to smile pleasantly as she responded. "Does that mean you'll lend your mages to our cause?"

Before Alexius could respond, his attention was diverted by a small commotion behind Valaina. She turned in time to see his son stumbling into the room, looking pale, his eyes unfocused. Responding instinctively, she jumped to her feet and caught him before he fell. 

"Felix!" Alexius cried out, all of his smug attitude evaporating in an instant.

As Felix leaned heavily against her, his hand reached for hers, and she felt him slip a piece of parchment against her palm. Startled, she glanced up, and for the briefest moment his eyes cleared as his gaze met hers. His expression was grave, and he tightened his hand against hers, causing her fingers to curl around the parchment to hide it.

Then his eyes slid out of focus again, as his head and shoulders sagged. "I'm so sorry! Please, forgive my clumsiness, my lady."

Then Alexius was there, transferring his son's weight onto his own shoulders. "Are you alright?"

Felix appeared to try and straighten up, while still clinging to his Father's shoulder. "I'm fine, Father."

Alexius returned his attention to Valaina and her companions. "Please excuse me, friends. We will have to continue this another time."

As Alexius began to draw Felix away, the younger man spoke apologetically. "I don't mean to trouble everyone." Once again, his eyes met hers briefly, and she saw that same look of solemnity there, before he was pulled away by his Father.

Valaina turned back to her companions, as Alexius and his entourage quickly departed, taking Fiona with them. She kept her fingers curled tightly around the note in her hand, as she motioned for everyone to leave the tavern. Once outside, she lead them to one side of the building, out of earshot from the villagers and Mages gathered around outside.

"Well, this has certainly been a day for surprises," said Cassandra, scowling as she looked back over her shoulder.

"And the surprises just keep coming," said Valaina. As Cassandra and the others looked at her, she lifted her hand, uncurling her fingers to reveal the note.

Several of her companions raised eyebrows in surprise, while Sera smirked in amusement. "Well, aren't we secrety?" said Sera.

Valaina unfolded the parchment, and found a brief note written in elegant handwriting.

_Come to the Chantry. You are in danger._

"It seems someone is waiting for us in the Chantry. Perhaps Felix plans to slip away from his Father?" she suggested.

Cassandra shook her head, scowling again. "I don't like this one bit."

Glancing around, Valaina spotted the Chantry in the distance. "We'll be careful. Whoever it is, I hope they might be able to provide us more answers."

Valaina lead the group as they made their way through the village towards the Chantry. As they ascended the hill leading up to the large stone building, she suddenly felt the Mark on her hand spasm as it flared to life once again.

Her companions immediately began drawing their weapons, looking around in confusion. "Another Rift? Here?!" asked Cassandra.

Valaina felt the pull, as she drew her own staff. "Inside the Chantry!"

She lead the way as she charged forward, wondering briefly if this could somehow all be part of an elaborate trap. Bursting through the tall double doors, she saw the Rift pulsing high in the rafters, while demons swarmed between tall stone pillars. At the center stood a dark haired man wearing Tevinter robes. He turned, with a look of relief in his eyes. "Ah, good, you're finally here! Now help me close this, would you?"

Wasting no time, Valaina and her companions spread out, beginning their assault on the demons. She watched out of the corner of her eyes as the stranger joined them, swinging his own staff gracefully, adding his own spells to aid them. He seemed completely at ease, as though this were all just an everyday exercise for him.

As she worked to weaken the Rift, she once again felt the strange sensation of time slowing down and speeding up. Having experienced the shifts in time previously, she found this time it didn't take her off guard as much, and she was more easily able to work her way through them.

As the last of the demons fell, she lifted her hand and activated the Mark. A moment later, the Rift blasted apart, leaving the air crackling and sizzling in its wake.

Valaina leaned on her staff, head bowed and eyes closed. She looked up again when she heard the stranger speak.

"Fascinating!" He gazed around the room, surveying the damage left in the demons' wake, and examining the residue left behind. Then he turned to look at Valaina, his eyes alight with curiosity. "Just how does that work, exactly?" He spoke with an elegant Tevinter accent, confirming his origin.

Standing up a little straighter, she gazed down at her palm, frowning slightly. Before she could even respond, he spoke again. "You don't even know, do you? You just wiggle your fingers, and boom! Rift closes!"

He sounded inordinately amused with the situation, and she raised one brow. Glancing around, she saw some of her companions still had their weapons drawn, and were coming up behind her, eyeing the man warily. Turning back to him, she asked "Who are you?"

"Ah! Getting ahead of myself again, I see. I am Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous. How do you do?" As he spoke, he gave a florid bow, one hand still resting on his staff.

"Another Tevinter. Be cautious of this one," said Cassandra, not bothering to lower her voice.

Dorian smirked at Cassandra. "Suspicious friends you have here." He then turned his attention back to Valaina, his expression becoming serious. "Magister Alexius was once my mentor, so my assistance should be valuable, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"Are you the one who wrote the note Felix gave me, then?"

"I am. He was to give you the note, then meet us here after ditching his father," Dorian confirmed. He then stepped forward, his brow furrowed. "Look, you must know there's danger. That should be obvious, even without the note. Let's start with Alexius claiming the allegiance of the Mage rebels out from under you. As if by magic, yes? Which is exactly right. To reach Redcliffe before the Inquisition, Alexius distorted time itself."

Valaina stared at him, while Vivienne spoke up behind her. "Preposterous. Mages have attempted to create such magic for centuries, and none have ever had any amount of success."

"I know what I'm talking about. I helped develop this magic," Dorian responded to her, before turning his gaze back to Valaina. "The rift you closed here, you saw how it twisted time around itself? Sped some things up, and closed others down? Soon there will be more like it, and they'll appear further and further away from Redcliffe. The magic Alexius is using is wildly unstable, and it's unraveling the world."

She felt a chill run down her spine as she stared at him. Everything he said explained what they had seen thus far, explained how Alexius had managed to get to Redcliffe and indenture the Mages right after the Conclave. Yet her mind recoiled from the very idea of it. "Why? Why would he take such tremendous risks?"

Just then, someone entered the Chantry, and Valaina turned to see Felix approaching. "My Father's joined a cult. Tevinter supremacists. They call themselves "Venatori." And I can tell you one thing: Whatever he's done for them, he's done it to get to you."

Valaina swallowed hard, her foreboding increasing. "To get to me?"

Felix moved to stand beside Dorian as he spoke. "They're obsessed with you, though I'm not sure why. Perhaps because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes?"

"You can close the Rifts. Maybe there's a connection, or they see you as a threat?" suggested Dorian.

"If the Venatori are behind those Rifts, or the Breach in the sky, they're even worse than I thought," said Felix, grimly.

Valaina was still trying to take in all of the information they were providing, when Cassandra spoke up. "Why should we trust you? Why would you betray your own Father, and your mentor?"

Felix's look became somewhat pained. "I love my Father, and I love my country. But this? Cults? Time magic? What he's doing now is madness. For his own sake, you have to stop him."

"It would also be nice if he didn't rip a hole in time. There's already a hole in the sky," said Dorian.

Valaina glanced over her shoulder at Cassandra, and saw the misgiving in her expression reflected in several of her other companions. She bit her lip as she considered what to do, then turned back to Dorian and Felix. "What would you have us do?"

"You know you're his target," said Dorian. "Expecting the trap is the first step in turning it to your advantage. I can't stay in Redcliffe. Alexius doesn't know I'm here, and I want to keep it that way for now. If you'd like, I can come with you. I will happily provide as much information as I can."

Valaina hesitated for a moment, uncertain. There was something about the man that made her want to trust him. To her, it seemed he had risked a great deal by coming and offering his aid. 

Before she could speak, however, Cassandra intervened. "Would you mind giving us a few minutes alone to discuss this matter?"

"Certainly," Dorian responded amiably.

"I should get back to my Father, as well," said Felix. Dorian clapped the young man on the shoulder, and they made their way outside the Chantry, speaking quietly.

As soon as the doors closed, Cassandra turned, her expression stern. "You can't seriously be considering allowing him to join us, can you?"

Valaina quailed slightly under the intensity of the other woman's gaze. It was the first time she had expressed any distrust of Valaina's ability to make a decision on the Inquisition's behalf. Some of her other companions seemed to share Cassandra's unease, while others seemed more inclined to accept Dorian's offer of help. One or two even eyed Cassandra with a frown of disapproval.

After a moment, Valaina squared her shoulders, feeling her resolve strengthening. "I'm not an idiot, Cassandra. I recognize the dangers he could pose to us. But he has already provided us with a great deal of information we didn't have before."

"He could very easily be manipulating all of us," said Vivienne.

"Perhaps he could be, but we don't have to take everything he says at face value. We should at least check into the details, try and corroborate as much of his information as we can. I don't like the sound of these Venatori at all," Valaina admitted, feeling a shiver of fear.

Solas stepped up beside Valaina. "I'm with Valaina on this. We would be fools not to utilize the information he can provide us. There's always a risk in accepting information from anyone, but at least we recognize the potential for that risk. We can be careful what information we provide him in exchange, and do our best to create safeguards, just in case."

Cassandra glowered at Solas for a long moment, before finally nodding curtly. "Very well. If that is your wish, I will support your choice."

Valaina nodded to the other woman, and lead the way back out of the Chantry. They found Dorian waiting just outside, a hood pulled up over his head. After glancing briefly at her companions, she spoke to him. "I hope you can understand why we may have some misgivings about bringing you with us," she said apologetically. "Having said that, however, we accept your offer, and will be glad to have you join us."

Dorian clapped his hands together, beaming. "Excellent! I certainly understand your concerns, you would be fools not to be cautious. I have many reasons for wishing to you, and I shall endeavor to prove my loyalty to you and your cause," he said, once again bowing with a flourish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply grateful to everyone who has supported me, especially to my proof readers for their assistance. I want to give a special shout out to Ceranna, Ciarasteina, and 09Tiff86 for their wonderful feedback, which helped polish off this chapter into something much more presentable!


	17. Dark Portents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaina hears from an old friend, and finds herself making a new one. The Inquisition makes plans, and moves in to meet with Gereon Alexius, with Valaina leading the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have officially decided that "filler chapters" are the bane of my existence! (The last few chapters would fall under that category. lol) Now that the story is starting to move into much more interesting content, my Muse has returned!
> 
> Enjoy!

_My Dearest Valaina,_

_I'm sure you can imagine my shock when I not only received a letter from that wayward brother of mine, but also from my dearest childhood friend! Both baring the seal of the Inquisition, no less! Rumors of the Inquisition, and the Herald of Andraste, have been flying since the destruction of the Conclave. I never would have imagined that the Herald was, in fact, my dearest childhood friend!_

_I have missed you terribly. It brought me so much joy to hear from you after so long, and I am so glad to know you are alright._

_I have so many questions for you, I'm not even sure where to start! There is one thing I have been wondering for many years now, though. I know I may be prying, but can you tell me what happened between you and Cullen? He mentioned you in a few letters, before the rebellion at the Circle Tower. He said little about you, other than the progress you had achieved in your studies. Reading between the lines, however, I got the sense that there was a great deal more he wasn't telling me._

_Do you know that after the rebellion, he never wrote to let us know where he was? We knew that a great many Templars and Mages were killed. We had every reason to believe that you may have both died, as well! It took a great deal of effort on our parts to finally track him down in Kirkwall._

_When we finally got word from him, he let us know that you were alive. I tried, repeatedly, to find out more. The only other time he responded to that particular line of questioning was to insist I stop prying._

_I love my brother dearly, and I worry for him. I can't understand why he has distanced himself so much from us. Sometimes I think back on his childhood, and wish I had not given him so much encouragement to join the Templars. But I am certain he would have found a way to join, even without our support._

_I'm afraid I have very little information regarding your parents. Shortly after you were taken to the Circle they left Honnleath. I believe they were deeply distraught at losing you. There were rumors that they went in search of your Grandfather's Dalish clan. I wish I could provide more information then that. Perhaps with the Inquisition's resources you might be able to locate the clan?_

_There is one other concern I feel I must pass along. Among the rumors I have heard regarding the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste, I've heard disturbing reports that people blame you for the death of the Divine. I'm sure this isn't news to you, but what concerns me most are rumors of a group here in South Reach who wishes to harm you. I recently heard that someone made an attempt on your life. From what I have overheard, I have reason to believe that whoever was responsible for the attack may be located here in South Reach._

_If there is any way that I can help, you have only to ask. I will continue to keep my eyes and ears open for anything else that might be useful. I have even asked the children to let me know if they hear anything. People rarely pay attention to children, or a matronly Mother such as myself._

_I pray that the Maker will watch over you and keep you safe. I know it's much to ask, but can you keep an eye on that brother of mine for me, as well?_

_Your loving friend,_

_Mia_

Valaina wiped the tears from her eyes, as she scanned the letter again. She had not realized how much she had missed Mia until the moment the runner had delivered the letter into her hands. It had brought with it a flood of memories from her childhood, playing along the shores of the lake, in open fields, and forests. It brought back memories of golden haired children treating her as if she were their own sister. It reminded her of a curly haired boy spending hours practicing with a wooden sword and shield, his amber eyes lighting up whenever he spoke of the Templars.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the soft crunch of snow, and she looked up to see Dorian approaching. When he caught sight of her expression, he hesitated. "I was hoping I might have a chance to talk with you. If this is a bad time, I can come back later," he said apologetically.

Despite whatever misgivings she may have felt towards him initially, she had come to find she enjoyed the other mage's company. He was outlandish, brash, and sometimes could be abrasive; but he was also charming and humorous. He had provided them with a great deal of information regarding Alexius and their pending mission, stating repeatedly that he yearned to prove that not everyone from Tevinter was to be mistrusted. She found herself wanting to believe his sincerity.

Averting her gaze to hide the tears in her eyes, she shook her head quickly. "No. No, it's alright," she reassured him, as she slid the letter back into its envelope.

Sitting down next to her on the rocky ledge overlooking Haven's frozen lake, he glanced at the letter in her hands. "Bad news, I take it?"

Looking up again, she smiled. "No, actually. Well, not really. It just…brought back a lot of old memories," she said. Sitting up a little straighter, she slipped the letter into her pocket. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I was actually wondering if I might ask you what the Circles are like here in the south? We probably have as many rumors about the southern Circles as you lot have about Tevinter!" He said, with a wry grin.

She smiled in return. "I'm sure you're right. What kind of rumors have you heard?"

He considered the question for a moment. "The worst of the rumors I have heard is that Mages within your Circles are abused, imprisoned, possibly even murdered."

Valaina let out a heavy sigh, and dropped her gaze to the ground in front of her. "Unfortunately, those aren't merely rumors. However, that kind of abuse isn't widespread, as far as I'm aware. Each Circle had it's own problems, some worse than others."

Dorian's lips pursed together briefly. "If you don't mind me asking, what has life as a Mage been like for you?"

Valaina lifted her gaze to stare out over the ice and snow. "I was ten years old when I discovered I could do magic. I had been raised on Chantry teachings, and always believed the Circles were a safe place, and that Templars were to be trusted completely. But once I realized I might have to go to a Circle, I became very afraid. I didn't want to be taken away from my home, from my family and friends."

"So, was it common practice to treat Mages like prisoners, locked away and kept under constant guard by Templars?" he asked.

"Sort of…" she hedged, then turned to meet his gaze. "In my experience, we were free to move about the Circle compound during the day. There were areas we weren't allowed to go, and we couldn't leave without Templar supervision. We weren't allowed to contact anyone outside of the Circle, either."

Dorian frowned, his brow furrowed. "Like birds trapped in a gilded cage. Surely they at least let your family come visit you? Write letters?"

She let out a mirthless laugh, and shook her head. "We were forbidden all contact with those we had once known. When the Templars found out I was a Mage, they took me from my home. I barely had a chance to say good bye to my parents." Then she drew the letter once more out of her pocket, and held it up. "This is the first I have heard from my best friend in nearly twenty years. I'm not even sure where my parents are."

His frown deepened, his expression looking troubled. "I knew Mages in the south had a difficult life. I know that many of the rumors you hear of Tevinter are exaggerations, or the truth twisted in ways to make it sound worse. I'm beginning to believe that the rumors we hear in the North might just be more fact, than fiction."

Valaina sighed, and slid the letter back into her pocket. "Well I don't know all the rumors you have heard, and there are probably just as many exaggerations and twists on the truth in the rumors you hear about us. But there is a reason we are at war now, and many of those rumors likely exist because of the truths behind them, if they aren't blatant truths in and of themselves."

Dorian shifted, crossing his legs, and leaning forward on his upper knee. "I have done my best to avoid prying into the plans you and the others are making, but I get the sense you are being pushed to choose between going to the Templars or the Mages, first. May I ask if that is true?"

She dropped her gaze to her own hands, resting on her knees, as she considered how much to say. "I am deeply concerned for what is happening in Redcliffe. But something strange is happening with the Templars, as well. Beyond that, however, our primary goal has been to find a way to close the Breach." Valaina lifted her left hand, staring down at her bare palm. The Mark was calm for the moment, lying dormant. "We have every reason to believe that it should be possible to close it, but I can't do it alone."

He glanced over at her hand. "If you can resolve the situation with the Mages, they should be able to provide more than enough power, I would imagine."

"That is the theory we are working on, yes. But Cull--" she stopped short, closing her left hand. Clearing her throat somewhat uncomfortably, she continued. "There are some who would prefer we get the Templars to help, instead. They should be able to provide enough power to get the job done, as well."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dorian giving her a rather sly look. He leaned back, his fingers intertwined around his knee. "You know…I've heard some rumors about you, and a certain strapping ex-Templar."

Valaina felt herself going red, and ducked her head, trying to avoid his intense gaze. "We grew up together, that's all."

"Oh is that all? Because I happened to notice him watching you earlier, when you passed by on your way down here. He looked like a man dying of thirst," said Dorian.

Her eyes widened, and then she turned, her temper flaring unexpectedly. "That's an exaggeration, and I know it. Cullen isn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve."

Dorian airily waved a dismissive hand, clearly enjoying the fact that he was getting a rise out of her. "Okay, maybe it was a slight exaggeration. But believe me, I know a man in love when I see one."

Valaina felt her heart clench painfully, tears starting in her eyes. Her temper crumpled, and she turned away from his knowing smirk, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. "Please, don't tease me about this," she begged, her throat tight.

Dorian was silent for several heartbeats before he leaned over and put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Valaina. I didn't mean to hurt you." His voice came low, intense, and she sensed that he truly regretted his words.

She didn't respond for a long moment, brushing tears from her eyes and trying to regain her composure. "It's no secret that there used to be something between us," she replied quietly. "Like I said, we grew up together. We met again in Ferelden's Circle Tower, but as I'm a Mage, and he's a Templar, any relationship we could have had was forbidden. Then the rebellion happened, and…" she trailed off, as her fingers gently curled around her pendant. Finally she sat up a little straighter, her strength and resolve returning as she faced Dorian. "There is no chance that Cullen and I can be together."

He frowned slightly, his eyes troubled. "But the Circles have disbanded. You are free, and he is no longer a Templar."

Valaina shook her head, dashing away further tears with one hand. "We may both be free, but there are other things keeping us apart. Please, don't ask me for more details then that. I love Cullen dearly, but we can never be anything more than friends."

Dorian clearly looked unconvinced, but after a few moments he squeezed her shoulder firmly. "I'm sorry to have brought it up. How about I buy you a drink as an apology? You look like you could use one."

She considered his offer for a moment before nodding, smiling slightly in gratitude.

* * *

Cullen stood with his arms folded tightly across his chest, scowling down at the maps spread out on the table. "The Nobles have given us an opening to meet with the Templars. We could still look into the situation with the Mages after we close the Breach."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Valaina's eyes close, as though praying for patience. "I'm sorry, Cullen. We've gone over this a dozen times already. I understand your concerns, and I agree that we need to find out what is happening with the Templars. But I'm more concerned about the presence of a Magister from Tevinter wielding wildly dangerous magic, while practically enslaving an army of Mages to his service."

He let out an exasperated sigh, forcing himself to relax. Turning away from the rest of the group, he stood with his shoulders hunched, rubbing the back of his neck. His head was throbbing. Valaina had recently brought him a new blend of tea she had said would help with his headaches, and it had proved to be much more effective than the Elfroot tea, even if it did taste awful. He was beginning to wish he'd had some that morning.

"Are you certain you remember where this hidden entrance is, Leliana?" he heard Cassandra asking.

"Definitely. A small contingent of soldiers should have no difficulty gaining access to the castle," Leliana replied.

"But surely they would be found long before they could reach Alexius?" said Cassandra doubtfully.

"What about a distraction?" asked Valaina. "Something to keep Alexius and his guards occupied, while our own people infiltrate the castle?"

"We still have an open invitation from Alexius to meet with you," suggested Josephine. "You could meet with him, keep him occupied, while giving our soldiers the time they need."

Cullen couldn't stop himself, this time. His head shot up, and he whirled around, staring at the other women incredulously. "You can't seriously be asking Valaina to play the bait?!"

They all looked at him, but it was Valaina who spoke. "I don't see that we have a choice. I'm the one Alexius wants to meet with. If this gives us the opening we need to reach Alexius and free the Mages from his grasp, then I am willing to take that risk."

His heart ached as he saw the steely look of determination in her eyes. It pained him to think of the dangers she had already been in, and what she'd likely face again, all too soon. He remained silent for a long moment as he met her gaze. In that moment he realized that she had come to accept her role, and she clearly recognized the dangers it placed her in. He felt a sense of defeat, his shoulders sagging, and he sighed deeply. "Will you at least allow me to accompany you to this meeting?"

Valaina's brow furrowed, either with concern or uncertainty, Cullen wasn't sure which. She glanced uncertainly at Leliana, who considered the two for a long moment before nodding. "That sounds more than reasonable. Very well, then. It seems we have our plan. Let us make our final preparations, and leave in the morning," said Leliana.

* * *

Valaina strode into the building with her head held high. Cullen kept close behind her, alongside the companions she had chosen to bring with them, all of them scanning the area for trouble.

A manservant approached the group, looking imperious. "The Magister's invitation was for Mistress Lavellan, and no one else. You lot wait here," he ordered, motioning towards those gathered behind her.

Valaina glanced over her shoulder, and then back at the manservant, one brow raised. "If my friends can't enter, then I won't go in either."

He scowled slightly, looking between Valaina and her guards, his jaw clenched. Then he turned with a brisk gesture, leading them through a set of large double doors, into a pillared hall with a high roof. They approached a raised dais, where a man who Cullen assumed was Gereon Alexius lounged indolently on an intricately carved wooden throne.

Stopping just short of the dais, the manservant bowed perfunctorily. "My Lord Magister, the agents of the Inquisition have arrived."

Alexius rose to his feet, his expression smug as he addressed Valaina. "My friend, it's so good to see you again! And your…associates…of course." The Magister's sneer set Cullen's teeth on edge. The Magister returned his gaze back to Valaina. "I'm sure we can work out some arrangement that is equitable to all parties."

At that moment a woman standing to one side of the dais strode forward, scowling up at the Magister. "Are we Mages to have no voice in deciding our fate?"

Alexius turned a stern glare on the woman. "Fiona, you would not have turned your followers over to my care if you did not trust me with their lives."

Fiona looked ready to protest, clearly upset, but Valaina interjected. "If the Grand Enchanter wants to be part of these talks, then I welcome her as a guest of the Inquisition."

Fiona seemed a little taken aback, but bowed appreciatively to Valaina. "Thank you."

Alexius frowned for a moment, as though debating whether it was worth it to press his point. Then he shrugged, and resumed his seat. "Well then, let's get down to business. The Inquisition needs Mages to close the Breach, and I have them. So, what shall you offer in exchange?"

Valaina took a step forward, her chin lifted. "Actually, I hoped you could tell me about these Venatori I'm hearing so much about?" 

Cullen's grip tightened on the pommel of his sword as Alexius's smug grin slid off his face, his eyes darkening. "Now…where could you have heard that name?"

A young man who had been lurking in the shadows behind Alexius's throne strode into the firelight, facing the Magister. "I told her," he stated boldly.

Alexius stared at the young man for a moment in shock. "Felix, what have you done?!"

Before Felix could respond, Valaina took another step closer. Cullen had to resist the urge to pull her back, her bold approach causing him no small amount of alarm. "You wanted me here, Alexius. Why?" she demanded imperiously.

The Magister surged to his feet, rage suffusing his features. "Do you know what you are? A mistake! You walk into my stronghold with your stolen Mark, a gift you don't even understand, and think you're in control. You wouldn't even begin to understand its purpose!"

As Alexius raged before them, Cullen saw movement out of the corner of his eyes. He was careful not to glanced towards them, not wishing to draw attention to the Inquisition forces who were slipping through the shadows. His grip on his sword tightened even further, steeling himself, physically and mentally preparing himself to launch into an assault.

Felix stepped towards his Father, his tone pleading. "Father, listen to yourself! Do you even know what you sound like?!"

Then a new voice spoke up, as Dorian stepped out from behind a pillar, striding towards Alexius. "He sounds exactly like the sort of villainous cliché that everyone expects us to be!"

Alexius looked momentarily stunned, then his dangerous glare returned. "Dorian. I gave you a chance to be part of this. You turned me down. The Elder One has power you would not believe. He will raise the Imperium from its own ashes!"

"Who is this Elder One?" demanded Valaina, and from where he stood Cullen could see her glaring up at Alexius. "Is he the one who killed the Divine?"

"Soon he will become a God!" Alexius said, a maniacal gleam appearing in his eyes. "He will make the world bow to Mages once more! We will rule from the Boric Ocean to the Frozen Seas!"

Dorian moved to stand beside Valaina, glaring up at the Magister. "Alexius, this is exactly what you and I talked about never wanting to happen! Why would you support this?!"

Felix approached his Father, pleading with him. Cullen's attention was diverted slightly, though he remained careful not to draw attention to what was happening. From his peripheral vision he watched as Inquisition soldiers slipped out of the shadows behind each of the guards positioned around the room. They were silenced quickly, pulled back into the shadows and out of sight. 

After a few moments of arguing with his son, Alexius turned, calling out to the now dead or silenced guards. "Seize them, Venatori! The Elder One demands this woman's life!"

It only took a moment for him to realize that the trap had been sprung, his expression turning to shock as he looked around and saw Inquisition soldiers standing in place of each of his guards.

"Give up now, Alexius. Your men are dead," said Valaina coldly.

"You are a mistake!" cried Alexius, his eyes ablaze with anger. "You should never have existed!" As he spoke, he pulled something from his pocket, and began casting a spell. Cullen and the rest of Valaina's contingent drew their weapons. Before any of them had time to act, a spell burst forth from whatever he held in his hand.

Cullen felt dread wash over him as a dark cloud, crackling with green light, enveloped Valaina's form. It was like nothing he had ever seen before, and he felt a moment of hesitation, uncertain as to which course of action he should take. Before he could do anything, he saw Dorian swing his staff, roaring in anger. His spell appeared to strike Alexius, causing the man to stumble back.

The ominous, dark cloud pulsed, throbbing with an energy Cullen felt in the depths of his bones. It surged, enveloping Dorian in the process, before it collapsed in on itself, vanishing entirely.

Cullen stared at the spot where Valaina and Dorian had been standing, momentarily stunned. He felt numb, as his mind tried to register what had just happened. Silence rang through the room for a long moment. He felt numb, in shock. Then, a single thought shot through him like lightning, searing his very soul.

She was gone. Valaina had been taken from him.

Something inside him burst apart, and he lost all conscious thought. With a roar of anguished grief and anger he charged towards Alexius. He wasn't even aware of dropping his sword as he seized the front of the Magister's robes, lifting him bodily into the air, and slamming him against the wall. "BRING HER BACK!!" he roared, trembling with rage.

Alexius appeared slightly confused, his eyes flickering around the room frantically, as though he himself were trying to make sense of what had happened. Then he met Cullen's gaze, and a sneer spread across his features. "Your beloved Herald is gone, and there is NOTHING you can do about it!"

* * *

Valaina felt a powerful lurch, as though she had been picked up and flung like a rag doll. In the next moment she cried out as she felt herself being thrown against a wall, stars popping into her vision. She felt herself fall to the ground, momentarily stunned. Slowly coming to her senses, she became aware that the ground she lay on was covered in a thin pool of water, her clothing quickly becoming soaked through.

She lifted one hand to her brow as she raised her head cautiously, wincing slightly, and glanced around to get her bearings. She found herself in a small room, the walls built of heavy stone. Water trickled down through the ceiling in places. Then she saw glowing red stones embedded in the wall, and her eyes widened in shock as she recognized them as Red Lyrium.

Hearing movement behind her she turned, and saw Dorian getting to his feet. "Dorian! What happened?"

He held one hand to his head, eyes clenched shut for a moment. Then he lifted his head, looking around and frowning. As he took in their surroundings, she got to her feet, leaning against the wall. After a few moments he spoke, almost more to himself. "Displacement… Interesting…" Then he looked over at Valaina. "I don't think this is what Alexius intended."

She rubbed her own forehead, still feeling dazed and confused. "We were in the castle hall… The stonework here appears similar to what we saw there."

"True," said Dorian. "If we're still the castle, then…" His eyes lit up, and he snapped his fingers. "Ah, of course! It's not simply where, it's when!"

Valaina stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. "What?"

He turned to her, his enthusiasm seeming out of place, to her. "Alexius used the amulet as a focus. It moved us through time!"

Then Valaina began putting things together, as she recalled the evidence of Alexius using time magic. As realization set in, alarm followed. "Wait, he sent us through time?! Did we go forward in time, or back? How far did he send us?"

"Those are excellent questions!" Dorian responded with a boyish grin. Then his expression turned solemn. "Let's look around, see where the spell took us. Perhaps then we can figure out how to get back."

Valaina felt anxiety welling up inside of her. "Maker…I don't like this one bit. Do you really think we can get back?"

Dorian grimaced in response, frowning. "Maybe." Then he clapped Valaina on the shoulder, his easy grin returning. "Take heart, Lady Herald! Let's go figure out where we are, and see if we can make sense of all of this."

Valaina gave a weak smile, appreciating his effort to bolster her. Pushing herself away from the wall, she moved with him to the door at the far end of the room.

On the other side of the door they found themselves in a corridor. Before they had time to decide which way to go, there came a shout from one end. Two guards appeared, clearly recognizing them as intruders, and moved to attack.

She and Dorian flew into action. Valaina erected a barrier before them, causing them to reel back. Dorian set them aflame, and the two men began to shriek in a panic. She felt her stomach lurch as flames engulfed the men, and in moments they had collapsed to the ground.

Valaina turned her head away as Dorian approached the two bodies. She felt sickened by the smell of the burnt flesh, and kept her back turned as Dorian knelt beside the bodies. A moment later he came up beside her, holding up a slightly blackened ring of keys. "Ugly business, but this should help," he said.

She nodded, and together they set out down the corridor. For a time, she let Dorian decide which way they should go, as she tried to clear her head. Once they had gotten away from charred remains, she drew in deep breaths, steadying herself.

After a time Dorian glanced over at her. "Are you alright?"

"Not really," she replied quietly. "It's always hard for me to watch men die, no matter how necessary it might be."

"I understand," he said, grasping her shoulder for a moment.

As Valaina took in their surroundings, she realized they seemed to be in some kind of dungeon. Passages and doors branched off in multiple directions, with small cells lining the walls, most of them locked and empty. 

She felt a growing of alarm as she began to see more clusters of Red Lyrium embedded in corners, jutting up from the floor, and even coming out of the walls and ceilings. Then she glanced to one side as they passed a closed cell, and horror washed over her. She gasped, stumbling to a stop, staring at the sight. A large vein of Red Lyrium filled most of the cell, and at its center she saw the corpse of a Mage, embedded in the glowing stone.

Dorian stood at her side, looking sick. "How did this happen?"

She shook her head, forcing herself to look away. "I don't know, but we need to find out."

Setting out again, they came to a set of stairs and ascended, only to find themselves in more cell lined corridors. "Just how far do these dungeons reach, I wonder?" Valaina speculated.

"As long as we keep moving upwards, we should reach the main part of the castle," said Dorian.

They had been traversing the passages for several more minutes when a faint voice reached Valaina's ears. She froze, putting her hand in front of Dorian to stop him as well, straining to listen. The voice faded into silence before she could be certain she'd even heard it. She glanced at Dorian, her brow furrowed, and he nodded. "I heard it, too," he said in a near whisper.

They proceeded further down the passage, moving more quietly, both listening intently. A few moments later the voice came again, clearer this time, but echoing off the walls in a way that made it difficult to pinpoint. 

"My Maker, know my heart. Take from me a life of sorrow." It was a voice Valaina knew all too well, murmuring passages from the Chant of Light. She hurried forward, with fear in her heart, feeling certain that it was coming from somewhere ahead of them.

As they moved quickly through the halls, running with light steps, Cullen's voice became more distinct, and easier to pinpoint. "Lift me from a world of pain. Judge me worthy of Your endless pride." The closer they got, the more alarmed Valaina felt. Something was wrong. The words sounded despairing, and his voice sounded rough, almost pained.

"O Maker, hear my cry: Seat me by Your side in death." She nearly lost her footing as she raced down a flight of stairs. She felt certain that something was dreadfully wrong, and struggled to hold back the panic welling up inside of her. She was barely aware of Dorian following in her wake, his expression grim.

"Make me one within your glory, and let the world once more see Your favor," murmured Cullen, his voice trailing away.

Valaina seized the wall for support as she hurled herself around the corner, and her eyes fell on Cullen's figure. He sat on the floor of his cell, back to the wall, with his knees drawn up. His arms were curled loosely in his lap, his head bent low. His normally sleek hair was disheveled, the curls more evident, and slightly longer than usual.

"Cullen!" she cried out.

He looked up sharply, eyes wide. The golden amber hue of his irises was overlaid by a red haze which made Valaina's heart clench painfully. His face was gaunt, his unshaven jaw line covered in a short, scraggly beard. The moment he caught sight of her, she saw tears form in the corners of his eyes. "Has death finally come to claim me?" he asked in a pained voice.

Dorian raced ahead and began attempting to unlock the cell, trying each key in turn. Valaina moved towards Cullen more slowly, her heart throbbing painfully. "Cullen, what happened to you?"

He stared at her for a long moment, then dropped his head, bringing his hands up to pull against the back of his neck. "You're not real. You're just another nightmare, come to taunt me. Haven't you done enough? Please, just leave me to die in peace!"

Finally finding the right key, Dorian pushed the cell door open. He stepped back, looking to Valaina with deep sympathy in his gaze. She moved forward and knelt in front of Cullen, uncertain what to do. He was clad only in a light tunic and leather breeches, his armor and usual clothing nowhere in sight. 

Hesitantly she reached forward, and brushed the hair back from his brow. "Cullen, it's me, I swear," she said coaxingly, her voice cracking slightly.

At her touch he flinched slightly, then lifted his head. His eyes met hers, and she saw a glimmer of hope in his gaze. Then he seized her right hand with both of his, gripping firmly, as though she were a lifeline. "Valaina, is it really you?"

Tears slipped down Valaina's cheek as she returned his grasp, and she reached with her left hand to brush at the tears slipping down his cheeks as well. "It's really me, Cullen."

He stared at her for a long moment, and she could see the hope warring with uncertainty in his eyes. Then, without warning, he pulled her into his embrace, clutching her body against his, as his shoulders began heaving. He wept brokenly as he clung to her. Anguish and sorrow swelled inside of her as she wondered how long they had been away, how long he'd had to live in these conditions.

All of the longing she had felt for him came spilling out of her in that moment, and she found herself weeping with him. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, fingers curling into fists as she clutched at his tunic. She buried her face against his neck as she lay cradled between his legs.

She wasn't sure how long they remained that way, locked in each other's embrace, before he released her enough to draw her head up to meet his gaze. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

Valaina sat up a little further, scrubbing the tears from her cheeks. "Alexius sent us forward in time, apparently," she told him. "We just got here a little while ago."

Cullen stared at her incredulously, his hands tightening their grasp on her shoulders. "We watched you vanish…I didn't know how to stop it! I thought you had died, and…I couldn't save you!"

She shook her head and pressed her fingers to his lips to still him. "Don't do that, Cullen. You can't blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done. I'm alive, and there's still a chance we can undo all of this."

"I'm sorry to intrude, but we really need information," said Dorian apologetically. 

Cullen looked up at him with an expression that suggested he hadn't realized Dorian was there. "You have only to ask."

"The most important thing we need to know is the current date," he said.

Cullen's brow furrowed slightly as he considered for a moment, before responding. "Harvestmere, 9:42 Dragon."

"You're certain?" asked Dorian, and Cullen nodded firmly.

"We've been gone an entire year?" asked Valaina, incredulously. Then she turned to look up at Dorian. "How do we get back? What do we need to do?"

Dorian appeared to be considering the possibilities as Valaina gently disengaged herself from Cullen and got to her feet, then helped Cullen to his feet. He clutched at the wall for support for a few moments, and it was only then that she realized how thin he had become.

Then Valaina noticed something strange about his shoulders. His tunic wasn't lying flat, as though Cullen's skin was raised and uneven beneath the cloth. She reached up, gently pulled back the material, and gasped. Chunks of Red Lyrium were embedded in his skin, seemingly growing out from inside of him.

The expression Cullen gave then was filled with sadness and pain. "They've been forcing me to ingest Red Lyrium. I thought I was going mad when trying to get off regular Lyrium…this has been ten times worse."

"We saw a body encased in Red Lyrium, earlier. Is that what happened to him?" she asked, filled with dread.

He nodded gravely. "The longer you're near it, eventually it becomes part of you. It seems to feed and grow off of living flesh. When it inevitably kills you, they mine the corpse for more."

Valaina felt a powerful shudder of horror, and turned back to Dorian. "We have to find a way to stop this!" she pleaded with him.

Dorian's expression was solemn, as he watched them both. "Our only hope is to find the amulet Alexius used to send us here. If it still exists, I can use it to reopen the Rift at the exact spot we left," he explained. Then he grimaced. "Maybe. It might also turn us into paste," he said uncertainly.

Valaina closed her eyes tightly, and clasped her hands together, pressing them against her brow. Her emotions were in a turmoil as she considered everything that was happening. It broke her heart to see Cullen in his current state, and she desperately wanted to find some way to undo everything that was happening.

Then she felt Cullen's hand resting on her shoulder, squeezing gently. "If there is even the slightest chance that we can undo everything that has happened, then we MUST try," he insisted, glancing between her and Dorian. "It is far too late for you to do anything to reverse everything that has happened in the year you were gone. The Elder One has destroyed our world. He rules with impunity, and there is no one left to oppose him."

Valaina gazed up at him for a long moment, then turned to look at Dorian. She nodded firmly, steeling herself. "Let's go find Alexius. He has much to answer for."

Both men nodded firmly to her, and together they set off, back into the labyrinthine dungeon.

**Author's Note:**

> Have a Tumblr account? [Follow me](http://crystallynesfanfictions.tumblr.com/) for updates, as well as in-game screenshots of Valaina and Cullen!


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